The Importance Of Affectionate Teasing

Knowing how to tease and be teased affectionately is a secret to knowing how to get on well with others.

FURTHER READING

“It may not seem like it, but teasing done with affection and skill is a profound human accomplishment. There’s nasty teasing, of course – in which we pick away at a sore spot in someone’s life. But we’re talking here of the affectionate version, something generous and loving – which feels good to be on the receiving end of…”

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CREDITS

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Wiep Teeuwisse

[purejoy]

I think though that teasing has to come from someone who knows you really well. If it comes from someone who has never had a deep conversation with you it's going to be perceived as bullying.

[qui_sait]

people who doesn't accept any critic or tease have serious repressed issues, and is so deeply scared of them that they feel threaten and respond with hostility. It's particularly important then not to insist on their mistakes and flaws, be kind and understanding so they will eventually feel more confortable with their own vulnerability.

[nancyaustin]

This video really resonates. I grew up in a household with very little teasing, and that which did exist was mean spirited. Every time my dad called mom "mama whale" in a voice trying to be jokey, it made me cringe (my mother was overweight and often dieting with little effect). When I was in high school and started dating, it was an eye-opener to spend time at my boyfriend's house--they teased one another lovingly. At first I didn't quite get it--I assumed all teasing was intended to shame. Once I caught on, I was shocked that affectionate teasing existed and I'd never seen it.

Even today, decades later, I'm "teasing challenged." I think I missed the window for learning how to tease affectionately, and if someone teases me, my immediate reaction is to assume I'm being attacked.

[theschooloflifetv]

Further to the Connolly quote, we like also: 'Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in.' Katherine Whitehorn

[julians]

These videos are such a wonderful way release stress. Not only are they insightful and introspective, but the voice of the reader is amazing 😍👍🏻

[samimas]

who's writing this stuff. the story about the guy and the german girl is too specific.

[CJusticeHappen]

"What do I need to be teased about?"
Well, I'm obsessed with working because I have low to no self-esteem, and I correlate being productive with having self-worth.

[jits]

Here in the Netherlands, we celebrate Sinterklaas, which has just passed. And one of our traditions is to accompany our gifts with a poem about the receiver. Usually, they contain humour, but the best poems, in my opinion, are the ones the tease the receiver. 'Sinterklaas', like Santa Claus, considers wether the person is good or bad (and of course always concludes the person is good) and teases them about their troubles. This is very hard of course, and can only be done if you have an extensive knowledge of the person you're writing about, but I love it.

[BeanUasal]

Hehe, why does Alain always sound like he's talking about himself with his examples, "the night 'you' failed dismally to pick up a German girl who was in town".

[SimplyMayaBeauty]

I just have to acknowledge how beautifully each video is animated.

[Sherparts]

After watching this I was thinking about all the judgements I had about people, but I was only looking at them from the surface.. This opened my mind to the insecurities and troubles we all go through, so I might as well show some compassion.

[negakirine]

I've always liked lovingly teasing and being teased in my close relationships. This is beautifully described. Thank you!

[Mariamarie]

Love how stripped down simple and understandable these videos are and his voice is ever so calming, like bedtime stories for grownups.

[JasonLovesLife]

It is hard to be a "good teaser". It is one of those social interactions I have a hard time doing beyond my closest friends & family.
It is interesting how it works in theory & in "real-world" interactions.

[pizzalover]

The narrators voice always tends to soothe me and make me feel more relaxed. I thank you for that.

[williammcdonald]

I let these play, Watching a full vid is difficult with ADHD, But every little tid bit of these videos the more I learn! Thank you School of life!

[icepelt]

this is so accurate!! I used to be a lot louder and more insulting toward my friends as jokes, and so they'd kind of tease me about it and it helped me to quiet down and act a little nicer.

[tuvshinzayaamarzaya]

Oh wow! After this tedTalk about choosing important life-skills, I included "advise through jokes" for lack of better term and was just wondering how to go about deconstructing it and working on it as a skill and a habit. Thank you so much! This was so insightful and helpful as always!

[beth_]

*"To see past the surface"*... I would say that this is *THE SECRET* of life!!! This is how we can build better relationship with others!!! *THAT'S IT!!!* 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[spennyb]

Teasing from others has often shown me just how little they understand about me. What I would rather have is an earnest enquiry into my life, a chance to connect. Of course, I know that there is a good kind of teasing, and perhaps this video was simply trying to show how ideal teasing is supposed to work, but there was no mention of how good-natured teasing can go wrong.

I want to put it another way. Teasing calls into question my struggles and values in a way that assumes their invalidity. So, if you tease me about my gloom, you're expressing that my gloom is inappropriate. Suppose I think my gloom is entirely appropriate. How do I respond to teasing? If I engage seriously, my co-interlocutor will accuse me of being too serious, they were just teasing. If I go along with the teasing, I have assented to their assessment of my gloom as invalid. It puts me in a social bind. Therefore, while I agree that teasing has its role, I would also say that teasing should be kept to people we know very well and private settings.