How to Stop Punishing Yourself after a Breakup

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Stop Beating Yourself Up After A Breakup

Breakups are hard and messy – most especially if you really liked or loved the person. It’s very common for people to punish themselves for their most recent breakup – when it happens, we begin to think what we did wrong, you might also begin to believe that you’re sole responsible for what happened and that you deserve to spend years in relationship purgatory by yourself, mourning the loss of the person you loved. But punishing yourself never helps.
Don’t Hate Yourself
If there is one thing worse that ending a relationship with someone you love, it’s hating yourself on top of it. When you begin to feel the pangs of heartbreak and loss, it’s not uncommon to do and say things you would otherwise never consider.
Forgive Your Ex
To help you stop punishing yourself after a breakup, begin by forgiving your ex. You need to do this to free yourself from the past. You have to make peace with it so that you can stop thinking about it- learning to let go by being able to forgive is an important step in this process. Know this: when you forgive someone, you are releasing yourself from their ability to continue hurting you and empowering yourself because forgiveness is an act of self-empowerment.
Focus on You
Just as you forgive him/her, begin to focus more on you. After such breakup, you may begin to find more time on your hands, so instead of going in search of a replacement for you ex, take the time to work on you. Why is this necessary? Well, you want to meet your next partner when you are the best version of yourself, not when you are a train (or emotional) wreck. Focus this new energy on loving yourself and feeling good about who you are.
You Are Not Solely Responsible
No matter how you take responsibility for the breakup, you are not solely responsible for what happened. Remember that there are two people in a relationship – you did your part and your ex did theirs. So stop heaping the blame on yourself. Ask yourself: “” why take 100 percent of the responsibility when you were only 50 percent of the partnership.”
Forgive Yourself
Just as you have forgiven your ex, you too need to forgive yourself too. You may have very critical and harsh towards yourself, absorbing all the blame for what occurred. And yes, you may have been the reason or drove the relationship to the tipping point, but know this you are human, and you make mistakes like all people do. Ensure you forgive yourself so that these mistakes do not turn to lifelong regrets.
Life Goes On
A breakup isn’t the end of the world. Beyond the breakup, life still awaits you. So never let a bad breakup define you – it’s just an event. And you have the choice of either wallowing in self-pity and hate or picking yourself up an at the same time learning from your experience.
How else can you stop punishing yourself after a breakup? Please share in the comments below.