How to Talk About Death in English (Expressing Sympathy and Condolences) | Denglisch Docs

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One of the most difficult situations we encounter, in any language, is how to respond when we hear that a friend’s family member or loved one has died.

Talking about death is never easy, but after today you’ll feel more comfortable expressing your sympathy and concern in these sorts of situations.

The word “to die” can sound too direct, forceful, and even a bit harsh. So, like many languages, English has some other ways of expressing the same idea, but with softer, more sympathetic tones: the expressions are “to pass away” or “to pass on.”

Instead of telling you, “My grandfather died,” your friend or colleague might say, “My grandfather passed away,” or “Grandpa passed on.” Some will shorten these phrases even further and say, “My grandfather passed.”

Be aware that when you hear these expressions, your friend’s grandfather didn’t pass the potatoes at the dinner table, didn’t pass the ball during a football match, and didn’t pass out after a night of too much drinking. Here, “my grandfather passed” would simply mean that “my grandfather died.”

How to respond? You can simply say, “I’m sorry,” or add emphasis by saying, “I’m so sorry”, and even “I’m so very sorry for your loss.” Each of these is simple and straightforward and will let your friend know that you care and feel sympathy. Be careful, though. While usually “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” have the same meaning, if you say “I apologize” when hearing of a death, others will think you were somehow responsible.

Another common option is “to express your condolences” — a word that we really only use in the specific context of hearing about a death. You could say, “I’m sorry. My condolences to you and your family.”

Another traditional expression is “to rest in peace.” If a friend loses a grandfather, you can say, “May he rest in peace.” A more sympathetic, modern take on this phrase is “to rest in power.” It is used in cases where the person died after spending their life struggling for a cause such as justice or human rights.

The last idea concerns abstract concepts that you wish to send to your friend to help them deal with the sadness and grief that can accompany the death of a family member. For instance, “I’m sending you light and love” or “sending you peace and strength” can be a good way to show your friend that you care. This could be followed by sincere questions like “Is there anything at all that I can do to help you?” or “Is there anything that you need,” as offers of assistance during a difficult time of bereavement.

So, let’s review! You may hear that a friend’s family member has died or, more likely, that they’ve “passed away.” You can respond, “I’m sorry. My condolences to you and your family. May he rest in peace,” or “May he rest in power,” or “Sending you light and love. Please tell me if there’s anything I can do to help.” These situations are difficult, but at least with these phrases, you’ll be able to express sympathy and concern for your friend.