Therapist Reacts to RUNAWAY BRIDE

Is she scared of commitment? Lying to herself and others? Doesn't know who she is? What makes Maggie Carpenter (Julia Roberts) keep literally running from relationships? Why does Ike Graham (Richard Gere) fall in love with her? How does director Garry Marshall not screw it all up?

Relationship expert licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright talk about the classic rom-com Runaway Bride, from quirky characters to classic tropes, and what this one actually gets right about relationships, attachment, and excess flirtatious energy.

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Cinema Therapy is:
Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright & Alan Seawright
Edited by: Alan Seawright
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis

[nsinghal]

Alan went from an 'unlicensed filmmaker' to a *Professional* filmmaker
THE GLOW UP

[kayleeo]

Seeing two grown men be so emotionally literate and vulnerable is so rare and so appreciated! I love this channel!

[breezy]

Audience, raise your hand if you feel you're getting free therapy out of this channel.

Edit: If you actually do need therapy, please seek out real help

[taz]

"Compatibility can mean sameness or similarity, other times it means you go well together....Real love says 'I just want your happiness'." Adding this to the wall of Jonathon quotes.

[carlavanniekerk]

The idea of finding your 'eggs benedict' has become shorthand in our family for figuring out what you really want, not what you think you're supposed to want. It's mostly used when someone is struggling to make a decision and is quite a useful tool in our discussions.

[SmileyAllStar]

One thing I always loved about this movie is that he is the only groom who actually runs after her

[ronniejones]

I love how Alan has started making a point of calling himself a professional filmmaker as opposed to an unlicensed filmmaker. He deserves to acknowledge his expertise.

[sherievaughn]

I like the fact that she kept running away. So many people ignore all the warning signs including their own subconsciousness and marry anyway.

[deniseclairek]

Me, who knows nothing about relationships and is a single pringle: “ah yes I completely agree with everything that Jonathan says”

[LittleHobbit]

"I miss the golden days of Sandra Bullock, Julia Roberts, and Reese Witherspoon teaching me how to love."
SIR, YOU FORGOT MEG RYAN

[nix]

YES. That whole bit about what are **her** favorite eggs blew my mind the first time I watched it. It still haunts me, but like in a good way

[yvonneweiohara]

"You can love someone and still treat them poorly." -Alan
YES, THIS! I was reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents recently and a lot of the book tackles this

[sarazenha]

Maggie's issues are a no brainer. The real question is: how come men keep asking her in marriage? What are their issues?

[LittleHobbit]

_"They crave acceptance and love but they're also terrified of it, because if I get close to somebody then they can hurt me."_

That reminds me a lot of the dialogue in a particular Daria episode, where she and her boyfriend are struggling with how to be physically intimate. He believes it's because she's not ready but she tells him it's actually because she's scared, "The thought of that much intimacy... it's just overwhelming to me." It was always a really powerful bit of dialogue to me because it was really the first bit of media I ever saw that vocalized (and validated) the idea that not everyone is comfortable with the same level and speed of intimacy.

[ashleykoch]

I have to say, I’m studying psychology and for a little while I wanted to study film. Doing something like this would be a dream.

[regreglalaon]

Two things I figured out today:
- I like omelettes
- I have daddy issues

[jeteaze]

Jonathan’s analysis of Julia Roberts character sums up the first 30 years of my life!

I didn’t love myself. I was a people pleaser. I used to black out before I started new jobs and when I was doing applications because I thought nobody could ever like me and I would disappoint them and never be good enough. I had that urge to run VERY STRONGLY before I started great new job opportunities and sometimes I would sabotage myself and not go through with it.

The way she was with marriage is how I was with jobs. I also never got close to a man and let my guard down til I was 30.

Thank goodness for EMDR and trauma therapy.

I learned when I was 29 that my dad has paranoia, dissociative identity disorder, and narcissism. That’s why I could rarely ever please him or rarely feel like I was doing something right or good enough.

I learned to love myself when I was 30 after going to trauma therapy. I love myself now.

[shreyasmkumar]

"I didn't have bad intentions, hence my behaviour was okay" but not having bad intentions doesn't make your behaviour okay. Gosh, I want so many people to read that and watch these videos. Thanks for the free therapy and the movie trope pointers guys! Love your channel!

[abigailelizabeth]

Hey guys thank you so much for this one. I’ve recently lost my child’s father to a drug overdose. I constantly choose men who are wrong for me, because I had such a dark childhood that I think unless you’re hurting in the same way, we couldn’t understand one another. I have been dating someone for about a year, (10 month before he met my precious daughter), and at first I thought he was “too nice.” That he didn’t understand. He has stood by me trying to push him away, gracefully sharing his feelings when need be, or asking for space. Now that I know him better, he amazes me, and I deeply love him.

Thanks for the free therapy, and I realize I need to go to therapy for my child/new love. Thank you guys so much.

[debbiemoore]

The eggs scene is a great analogy for anybody who is codependent. You have no sense of self or core values. I use that to explain why at 44 I am just learning what music I like, movies, books etc etc.