How to Persuade Others with the Right Questions: Jedi Mind Tricks from Daniel H. Pink | Big Think

How to Persuade Others with the Right Questions: Jedi Mind Tricks from Daniel H. Pink
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Sales guru and persuasion expert Daniel H. Pink explains how you can use motivational interviewing to influence others' thoughts and behaviors. Pink's latest book is "To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Motivating Others."
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DAN PINK:

Daniel H. Pink is the author of five provocative books — including the long-running New York Times bestsellers, A Whole New Mind and Drive. His latest book, To Sell is Human, is a #1 New York Times business bestseller, a #1 Wall Street Journal business bestseller, and a #1 Washington Post nonfiction bestseller. Dan's books have been translated into 34 languages and have sold more than 2 million copies worldwide. In 2013, Thinkers 50 named him one of the top 15 business thinkers in the world. He lives in Washington, DC, with his wife and their three children.
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TRANSCRIPT:

So let me give you a hypothetical. Suppose that you're a parent and you have a daughter, say a teenage daughter, whose room is an absolute mess. It just looks like a bomb went off in there and you want your daughter to clean her room. You're trying to sell her on the idea of cleaning her room. What do you do? Well, you could try to bribe her and that might work in the short term. You could try to threaten her -- that might work in the short term. You can try to exhort her, you can try to, you know, tell her about the meaning of clean rooms. But there's actually a technique from actually the counseling literature really crystallized by a fellow named Mike Pantalon of Yale University called motivational interviewing. And what you can do more effectively is ask two irrational questions. So, let's say that you have a daughter named Maria and Maria has a messy room and you want Maria to clean her room. The two questions you could ask Maria are this:

"Maria, on a scale of one to ten, one meaning I'm not ready at all; ten meaning I'm ready to do it right now. How ready are you, Maria, to clean your room." Now, Maria's room is a pig sty so she's not going to give you a ten or a nine or even a five. Maybe she'll give you a two.So she says, "Dad, I'm a two." Well here's where the second question comes in and it's a really interesting counterintuitive question. You say to Maria, "Okay, Maria. You're a two. Why didn't you pick a lower number?" Now our instincts as parents is to say -- as a parent of three kids I have this instinct very strongly. If my kid were to say to me I'm a two, I would say, "What, why are you a two? You should be a nine."

But you say, "Why didn't you pick a lower number, Maria?" So here's what happens. Maria has to explain why she isn't a one. Okay. So she says, "Well, you know, I am 15 and I probably should get my act together. You know, if I had my room cleaner I'd be able to get to school on time, faster and maybe see my friends a little bit more. You know, you and mom never know where anything is anyway so I'm kind of wasting my time asking you to help me." What happens? With that second question why didn't you pick a lower number, Maria begins articulating her own reasons for doing something. And this is really axiomatic in sales and persuasion. When people have their own reasons for doing something -- not yours -- their own reasons for doing something they believe those reasons more deeply and adhere to the behavior more strongly.

Now suppose Maria says, "Dad, on a scale of one to ten I'm a one." Okay. That makes things a little more complicated but it's actually really, really important to understand this. If you say to Maria -- if Maria says, "Dad, I'm a one." Here's what you say to Maria. "Maria, what can we do to make you a two." And what often that does is this. Maria will say, "Well maybe if you and mom help me for 15 minutes to get this started." "Maybe if you maybe not set the table and take out the trash tonight, that would free up some time for me."

Because usually when people are a one, it's often because -- not because they're purely obstinate. It's because there's some kind of environmental obstacle in front of them. And if someone says they're a one, find out what that obstacle is, try to make them a two and that might give you some more momentum.

Now the example I just gave had to do with...

[adriangaede]

I used this on my boss like you said and he said to stop calling him Maria. He didn't clean his room either, so...

[Ahimmelstein]

I have used this technique for several years, both in sales, managing people, and on a personal basis with my sons.  It does work.  It does not mean that someone will perform they way you want them too, but it gets them and you closer to the real reason someone is not performing.  

[TALKINGtac]

Instructions not clear. She said -5, we talked, and now I'm cleaning her room and doing her hw for a month...

[TheFreezz]

Persuasion 101: don't tell people to do something, make them think they want to do it.

[DimitarN]

I actually think that "zero" is the most probable answer the dad would get in this situation. When asked to put something on a scale of 1 to 10, people often reply with 11 or 0, simply to emphasize on how much they love or hate the thing in question. And if the dad then asked what can he do to make Maria a 1, she would most likely say "get off my back" and the conversation would end there. Maria wins!

[ChadKovac]

My kids would answer the "why not a lower number" with "I dunno"

[InterStellah]

Just tried on my kids. They answered 10 and kept doing nothing.

[PsychopathUltimate]

"I'm a 0."

"Why?"

"Don't give a shit."

"What can we do to make you give a shit?"

"Doing it for me."

[graw]

My parents used the "Audio-Visual" technique:
Dad- "Clean your fuc*** room NOW!!"  (while holding his belt in one hand)
Me- "Ok daddy..."
...this technique never failed them...

[gfxlab]

I hope the viewers realize that his example is simply a metaphor.  People are irrational children that usually have ridiculous reasons as to why they don't do something rational like cleaning their room.  For a child person to realize how irrational their behavior is, they have to first realize that it's irrational.  That's where the beauty of Daniel Pink's ideas can help.

[IHSchwingo]

If you want your daughter to clean her room, just invite her crush over. At that age, it is psychologically impossible for little girls to not be madly in love all the time.

[EricAbbottTri]

I find I can use this on myself. It helps me talk through my own hesitations and mental roadblocks.

[angelmsaa]

Boss, in a scale of 1 to 10, how  ready are you to give me a promotion?

[NwahWAttitude]

I've been thrashing my head about trying to write a properly manipulative character for the past couple of days, and this popping up in my sub box is a goddamn miracle.
This is the channel that just keeps on giving.

[jasondewey]

I live alone and I tried this technique on myself because my flat was untidy but nothing happened.What am I doing wrong?

[hughjarce]

the reality:

'Maria, what can I do to get you from a 1 to, say, a 2?'

'Nothing.'

'JUST GO AND CLEAN YOUR FUCKING ROOM!'

[lindylopez]

We learn about and use motivational interviewing in counseling as it's part of the client-centered type of counseling theories. We were never taught to be counter intuitive, and ask them why they didn't pick a lower number. We were always taught that, no matter the number, we should go up until they are eventually at a 10. Specializing in counseling people with addictions, you would think that the counter intuitive question would be an extremely useful (insightful) tool as they can be very resisting to open up or participate in counseling.
Very interesting! Thank you! I love learning little human hacks like this :)

[Scarletpooky]

Me as a teen:
Mum "How ready are you to clean your room.""
Me "1"
Mum "What can we do to make you a 2?"
Me "Nothing, I don't think there's anything wrong with the state of my room. You might see a mess but I know exactly where everything is and can get to it easily. If it was 'tidy' then it would make it harder for me to find things when I wanted them."
His focus is on convincing others to do what you want. What is much more important is you learning what they want.

[sntry]

İ reversed the method. İ am making my parents clean my room. Thank you doc!

[aorser]

So basically, you have to get them questioning their position, so that they'll create their own reasons for doing something. Essentially planting the idea in their head, making them think it was their idea. Or otherwise finding a suitable compromise that will get them to your point of view.