Jordan Peterson - You Need a Partner Who is a Challenge

Psychology Professor Dr. Jordan B. Peterson explains why relationships with only positive interactions are doomed to fail. What do you really want from a relationship?

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[roymolodjr.]

"You don't want someone who thinks you're perfect in your current form partly because, why would you wanna go out with someone that DELUDED." Boom.

[ValerieEdwards]

I feel like a lot of commenters are missing his point. You want someone who calls you out on your flaws so you can grow as a person. If two people aren't growing together, challenging each other and holding each other accountable, then that's a stagnant, boring life.

[SamitGambhir]

The way this ended. 😂 “You dont wanna go out with someone who thinks you’re perfect. Why’d you wanna go out with someone that deluded.” —VIDEO ENDS— 😂 nice editing

[jacobkent]

Dr. Peterson hits me with truth bombs in every single new lecture.

[jamessullivan]

The reason is that people know deep down that what they really want is a relationship that is fulfilling and meaningful. And fulfilment comes from fulfilling all emotions across the spectrum to the highest degree you possibly can. If you don't get that range and quantity of emotional stimuli, you feel it as boredom and blandness. You don't play a game for the result, you don't watch a movie for the resolution, and you don't go into a relationship for happiness.

[michaelwilliamson]

As much as I hate to admit this Dr. Peterson is right. Happiness is a fleeting, it comes and goes, and often times there is more negativity and pessimism in relationships, but that's exactly the point. It's work! It's hard to love, and that's exactly the challenge. We have to learn to accept people's faults. If you are waiting around for Mr. Right, or Mrs. Perfect you will never find them.

[Codiisright]

This video should be shown to everyone who has ever said "But I'm so nice... why won't they date me?" I don't even mean that in a mean way; I could have used this when I was dating my ex. I think that being so nice all the time is a way to hide yourself away and not expose yourself. In the end though, I think most people can sniff it out after awhile and of course the result is a split.

[whoisspencer]

I’ve known this girl for the past seven years (I’m 19). She’s had a really rough life, had a eating disorder and went to rehab & currently drinks and gets high (she uses a dab pen & weed to combat her anxiety, but she’s become dependent & burns money on it) almost every day. Since I was her friend I told she needs to improve herself. She told me I was delusional. So I started improving for her. I’m the only person telling her she has a problem, and yet she doesn’t care if I’m even there.

Now she barely talks to me and hangs out with people older than her. I’m giving up on her.

Ironically, she said she wanted someone who challenged her. I don’t fuck with people who objectify and have little respect for themselves.

[GuppyPal]

I totally get what he's saying and have found this out for myself. The best relationship I was ever in was with a girl whose profile of strengths and weaknesses were quite a bit different from mine, and we regularly challenged each other and even contended with one another (in a healthy way). We called each other out on our BS, "fought" to try to work out our flaws, mistakes, etc, and she pushed me to do things I normally wouldn't, while I gave her perspectives on a lot of things she wouldn't have ever come up with herself. It was a bit tumultuous at times, but I became such a better person from it all and feel very grateful to have had her in my life. I have been in other relationships that were more "pleasant, " but they were boring, and I felt like I wasn't really getting much out of it. I WANT someone who can challenge me and who I can challenge back so that we can both GROW TOGETHER.

[dman]

"Why would you want to go out with someone that deluded?" Brilliant

[windsongshf]

Hmmmm... I kind of seeing what he's saying. I'm married to one of the sweetest men I've ever known, and who worships me! ha ha!! HOWEVER! He's challenging in a way that's not "unpleasant". He's very smart and inquisitive and challenges me intellectually. He's a very gentle personality, so when he DOES get commanding... well it kind of turns me on. :) He's very trusting, but the moment he sees another dude take an interesting he, in his very polite yet firm way, quickly introduces himself as my husband. I feel protected but impressed he doesn't have to turn into an arse to do so. He's appreciative of even the smallest thing I do for him, and that makes me want me to do more for him.
I think if a partner is too "nice" all the time, too "compliant" or never says no or expresses what he wants, well, it could lead to taking them for granted, and that leads to disrespect and contempt which is real poison to a relationship. So... yes, my partner challenges me, but I think in a very positive way. But it's not always a challenge of course. Just being wrapped up in each other's arms while binge watching some Netflix show is also food for the soul. I guess I'm pretty lucky. I certainly have "problems" in my life, but my marriage aint one of them... thank goodness! :)

[TheTifier]

This is very true. When it comes to couples that last in the long run, almost all of them are very self-reflective, wise, are fully aware of their own weaknesses as well as their partner’s, and are very happy because they’ve both grown as people.

[xpusostomos]

"you need a partner who is a challenge"

I see. I must have the best fucking partner in the whole world then.

[BigBadBadger]

I agree that he is referring to someone you want who calls you out on your flaws so you can grow as a person. If two people aren't growing together, challenging each other and holding each other accountable, then that's a stagnant, boring life. Basically someone that challenges you to become better. HOWEVER!
I think this can be achieved through a different means than many might assume. Some might think this can be done through open communication in the relationship, that is true. Some also think this can be achieved through passive aggressive means or even through "agreement" type relationships (like you do the dishes I will vacuum examples). I am not saying that it cannot be achieved through those means, I just don't think it is the best way to achieve the goal of a life long intimate relationship that is going to cause you two to push each other to become better through out life.
To me, the best means to accomplish this is through a specific form of competition between the two partners. A love competition. Basically, "Who can out love the other today?" You compete at showing each other the best form of love the other person interprets.

There is a book called the "5 love languages" and in it you learn how to speak the other persons love languages; because not everyone speaks the same love language. The 5 love languages: physical, words of affirmations, gifts, acts of service and time. Everyone speaks all 5, but in different order based on value. And there in lies the problem. My wife's #1 valued love language is acts of service, where as mine is physical. So what do we do to "out love" each other? She goes out of her way to show love to me through physical means (kisses, hand holding, back scratching, sex, and other things) while I go out of my way to perform acts of service for her (cleaning the house, maintaining her garden on her behalf, lawn care, helping or doing the dishes and laundry, in some cases sex, and other versions of acts of service). And in this way, we love each other. It is literally a giving only relationship instead of a give and take relationship. I give all I can because I love her, while in response she gives all she has because she loves me.
And as a result we have both grown beyond our marital years of 7, I have encountered plenty of other couples thinking we have been married for a long time when it has only been 7 years.

[xMooshy]

I can testify that if you are too nice to the person you love in an attempt to get love back, they will lose interest in you. You need to have self-respect and not let anyone walk all over you. Especially as a girl, keep you distance, you should never do the chasing.

[canadadry]

"You want someone who, you know, you can get along with them, but once in a while they bite you".

Conclusion: everyone wants a cat? They'll definitely bite you every once in a while.

[theinnerpeacepodcast]

I want a person who corrects me when I’m wrong and who holds me to my own standard not someone who sees conflict as a point of interest, what separates a toxic relationship from a healthy one if what he is true.

[looeesj]

Totally agree when the challenge aims to make both persons better. I dated a BPD for 9 years and the challenges I had were "prove that I won't be cheating, stop talking to girls, seeing her harm herself and not look for help, etc". So she was basically challenging my mental health, which in this case was really bad...

[capollyon]

Yes, you want challenge, or most people do. But you need also acceptance, because everybody has flaws. And to rely on somebodys acceptance is crutial in relationship and happines in general. Because love is acceptance.

[aperson]

I love watching Jordan Peterson videos, but 90% of why I clicked on this video right now was to comment that the combination of the title and thumbnail makes it look like he's making an offer 😂😂😂