How To Calm Down An Angry Person

In our life, we have to deal with angry people. And dealing with an angry person is challenging. So in this episode, I'll show you how to calm down an angry person.

Watch and Enjoy!
Irvine Nugent

Key Moments in this Episode
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00:00 Intro & Summary
00:31 What is anger
01:37 How Listening Can Calm Down An Angry Person
02:39 Why Staying Calm Is Important In Calming Down An Angry Person
04:26 What Is A Refractory Period?
05:40 How To Show Empathy and Validation
06:49 Why Timing Is Important In Calming Down An Angry Person
08:15 Let's Connect

What To Watch Next:
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How Do I Manage My Anger Triggers?

Resources
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Learn more about Irvine Nugent here:

FREE Emotional Intelligence Roadmap E-Course:

Learn more about Irvine’s new book here:

Learn more about Irvine's online courses here:

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#IrvineNugent
#EmotionalIntelligence
#SelfAwareness

[MrCLAASS]

I work as a bouncer at a couple of night clubs. 4:03 "listen to the words that are leaving their mouth" I totally agree with, but letting them vent only works with rational thinking people, that is, I find, about 12% of the population. Distracting them or moving them from their environment, and then engaging with them, showing interest and respect for their views helps me 90% of the time. I may deal with 40 drunk or angry customers a night.

[lulee]

I have cptsd from living with an angry father, I have no time for people who display volatility aimed at me, even though I stay calm (or freeze with fear) but I'm not interested in people who ha e zero self awareness of how their actions and words can affect others, wake up to your anger and get help angry people !!!

[alcyne]

If they're chronically, habitually angry at you, it's so hard not to personalize it.

[ochieng]

1. Listen
2. Stay calm but don't tell them to calm down (allow them to vent)
3. Don't personalize it
4. Show empathy and validate (an attitude of "I understand how you are feeling'' even if you don't disagree)
5. Move to solutions.

[nancyblu]

Thank you. I learned a lot from this information. It’s harder to remain calm when it’s your partner who is angry but if we look at it as the anger is stemming from frustration about not reaching a goal, it helps to remind us not to take it personally. Most often, no one likes to be in these moments of mutual anger. If one of us can not be triggered, I can see it having a better outcome overall. Grateful for your insights.

[leeboriack]

Some people are emotionally limited and it’s either anger or happy for them. Some people unknowingly dump unresolved emotions on others.

[aaansari]

I've never seen a better video on youtube. Eternally grateful. I never understood what to do in these situations

[elizabethlindzy]

I would like to see you do role play of an actual anger incident and showing us examples of how you use your skills in a real time situation. This would help me more than anything.

[ncrblz]

I really like everything but #5. My experience is if someone got angry, offering advice suggests you don't trust them to figure it out, or that you think you are better than them at figuring it out. Instead, I try not to offer advice unless someone specifies that they want my advice.

[pavithraeswaran]

Thank you for this information. These tips are very helpful. Something more that is challenging - When the anger is a direct attack at you and your loved ones, even if you don't personalize that at the moment, you did hear that and it is going to haunt you later. How do you deal with that? Especially, in the case, where, after the angry person has calmed down, he/she does not want to discuss this further or doesn't want to help you get over the pain. Another challenge - what if the goal they are trying to achieve, which triggered their anger, is not the right goal in your opinion. It could be an unreasonable goal or an unethical goal, so you don't actually want to help them to achieve that goal. In that case, how do you prevent the angry outbursts?

[joliejohnson]

I'm in situations right now. Everything you are saying I'm saying thank you for this. I'm sharing❤ love it all way around

[cravingattention]

This was so useful, thank you! I wish they taught such things at schools.

[sitharangan]

Thankyou so much it's really very helpful and is indeed the need of the hour...

[footlongsubzero]

Thanks for this. There was an Angry dude at the train station yesterday who was yelling random stuff angrily and punched a bin making a loud sound. I went into defensive mode, just a heightened nervous system in case he gets violent. Once he got on his train, I felt sorry for him and hope someone didn't hurt him and/or him affecting/projecting his anger towards others along the way. The mindset I was in at that time, If he would've approached me in a violent fashion, I'd punch his lights out. I don't like violence. Now thinking back to yesterday, if I approached the situation differently with a calm mindset and gave him a chance to vent, to listen according to these steps here, I think it would've been better for all parties. I'm watching this again and taking notes.

[ellenoid]

Loved your video.

I have an angry coworker who is in his fifties, but extremely emotionally immature. He flew off the handle the other day and told me to put my "f*cking chair away at the end of the day." I told him to ask me nicely and I will. He argued with me. I told him not to talk to me like that and that he needs to be respectful. He said, "I don't give a f*ck. I'll talk to anybody any way I want. I don't give a shit about anybody's feelings."

I literally had tears streaming down my face and he had the nerve to be this confrontational.

Taking this to HR is not something I want to do unless absolutely necessary.

I strongly felt the urge to stick up for myself. I know he was still in irrational thought mode, but I felt I was being reasonable. Telling someone to be respectful is perfectly appropriate.

But nasty people don't like being told what to do.

Do you think this conversation would have gone better if I'd not stuck up for myself? It's hard to imagine letting anyone stomp all over you.

[annjoyce]

My real respect for you, yet intermittent explosive disorder and a lifelong violent repeat offender status of the big guy I live with-- convinces me that no one on earth can " keep" a man calm as this. Corrections officers are well trained yet die or are attacked because some men chose a lifelong pattern of behavior. You're an optimist, positive thinker and will do well on other goals.

[anthonydavythompsonstevens]

Thank you. Much Appreciated Keep up the good work!!!!❤👍

[lachele]

thank you for the video, my concern is when the emotion is also presented with aggressive/threatening behaviors. The person may be gesturing, posturing. What then?

[mathieuvallerand]

This can actually be broken down in 3 steps: regulate-relate-reason (Dr. Bruce Perry)

[anthonydavythompsonstevens]

Thank you, Very Much Appreciated!❤️👍😀❤️