'Men Need Respect, Women Need Love' | Yasmin Mogahid

Men need to be respected and to feel proud, and to know that their woman supports them, pushes them forward, and loves what they do. That’s what men need. But women, on the other hand, women need to be loved unconditionally. As Muslims, it is incumbent on us to respect our husbands because it's deserved and not because it's earned, and that is one aspect of respect. The other aspect is that when you show your spouse more respect, in return you will get more love because respect to a man is maybe more important than love.

When we learn about the differences between ourselves as male and female, as well as study our role as husband and wife in Islam, we will understand our husbands more and have less relationship issues. This helps to know our differences and respect one another's uniqueness.

[nosheenaskitchendelights]

She is 💯 percent correct. Instead of arguing with your husband do the opposite show respect and talk to them how you feel. I always say to myself first is you cannot change the other person but change yourself first. The ayah Allah SWT say’s, “Verily, Allaah will not change the (good) condition of a people as long as they do not change their state (of goodness) themselves (by committing sins and by being ungrateful and disobedient to Allaah)” [al-Ra’d 13:11]

Show your love to your husband by kind words, when he comes home smile at him, have hot food ready for him, pray your salah with him and comfort him. Then see how beautiful your lives will be and how much he will love you and how your children will grow up in sha Allah.

[mameh.]

This comment section shows that there are not a lot of happily married sisters out there. 😢 … May our daughters and granddaughters have worthy husbands who will be pious and take pride into the love and care they show to their wives!

[Contemplator]

I have said it before and will say it again that I love this sister for the sake of Allah. I wish more women were like her, she gets it.

[MimiMimi-zxjq]

Respect is for ESSENTIAL for ALL human beings and ALL relatonships on this planet to flourrish. It is NOT restricted to a gender.

[zeenoskills]

As someone who’s still trying to get married (make dua for me everyone) and as a male, I can attest from the outside perspective that in many marriages today, women CAN make that compromise for respect - however, men REFUSE to emotionally develop themselves and their emotional intelligence. They still don’t soften their character to show love and appreciation to women. I’m not even trying to take sides, I’m just reported what I’ve seen from the marriages of close friends. I think men don’t make enough of an effort to understand what women want from marriages and relationships and their nature. Sister Yasmin has helped me a lot in understanding women which in turn I hope is preparing me to reach that compromise for whoever my future spouse is going to be.

[lisal]

The funny thing is though, if a man respects his wife it will cut off this issue completely (with a good woman). Women are disrespected and hurt and we are told to show respect. Do you know HOW HARD it is to respect someone who is disrespecting you? Women unconditionally respecting men can stop the issue from escalating. But if men show respect then it cuts off the issue entirely.

[abdulrashid]

Excellent explanation of responding in the proper manner and gaining the respect and love of the husband in return and not getting entangled in the" crazy cycle. "
This is the character recommended by the Prophet, peace be upon him, for both the husband and wife and he must be right because he's the Chosen One by Allah.

[MrsAmirah]

May God bless you dear sis for this reminder, Insha’Allah. Alhumdulillah, I’m honored to have been obedient to my father and other men in my family and gladly obey and serve my husband who takes extremely good care of me. I must confess that this was a tough pill to swallow, but I’m privileged to have parents that disciplined me earlier to block the toxicity of today’s feminism. If Allah blesses me with a daughter, I will make sure to raise her to be obedient to my husband and her future husband Insha’Allah. May Allah accept all our good deeds. Ameen. 💕

[Fatima_Ahmd]

Everyone's nature is different. As a woman I don't want the men in my life to love and care for me primarily. I want them to respect me, my decisions, my opinions, words and existence. I would be happy if they show love too but if they do that without showing respect by disregarding my decisions, opinions and my existence then their love and care would be of no value to me.

I know might sound ungrateful but, as a wife I would want my husband to respect me before anything else because love is not everything to me. I want him to support in whatever I do, respect my words and actions, respect me in front of his family. Love comes second hand. Also love is not something we should except instantly when you get married. Don't expect your spouse go all lovey dovey on you. But, attraction is necessary.

As a desi girl I've known marriages to be more of responsibilities, respect, child care, etc. Romantic love isn't common.
Respect and care is. My opinion is that woman shouldn't expect love and romance from marriage too much. Your husband caring and respecting you is more than enough. Marriage is not a bed of roses. Respect and care for your husband and expect that in return. Don't give someone the privilege to disrespect you and be harsh to you when you aren't doing anything wrong.

Let your husband know when he disrespects you instead of arguing. Tell him you won't tolerate it calmly and ask him to never do that. Don't show attitude and aggression. Don't sweep it under the rug and pretend nothing happened by giving him more love. Tell him to give you the respect Islam has given you.



That being said some women tolerate disrespect thinking over love. Marriages today aren't marriages like in the times of prophet. People have become selfish, competitive and greedy. Love is not common. Trust is rare. Don't let anyone trample over your respect. Respect is your power. Love is often an illusion or something that comes after a long span with someone.

That being said before getting married sit down with your potential spouse and voice out your expectations as a wife from him. Conversate instead of ignoring, arguing and showing attitude. If you want love over respect then it's your call. I would demand respect over anything else as I can't respect someone disrespecting me. I shall respect my husband as long he respects me.

I am no feminist. These thoughts aren't coming from a western society. As a woman and living in a struggling middle class family respect is more important to me than anything in this world. I know there's no such thing as a fairytale and prince charming. I don't expect my husband to go all lovey dovey. He must respect and care for me though. I will do the same.

[sl]

Even though I am not a Muslim I find your words very wise and true. Apart from what you already mentioned, each individual should really look more inwards and work with their own triggers and communicating about them in a calm manner so that they don't have to react with an attitude whenever they experience something unpleasant.

[moddipherkapungwe]

I have learned alot from this.. and I will try my best to give unconditional respect. I just hope that men too can try harder on the unconditional love. In as much as we are women of the book, our mental health really matters. I say this because what some women are dealing with are not just any men but crazy narcissists. Narcissists look at submission and respect as a way to take advantage of their spouses. Many women look away from the bad, forgive but end up even more hurt.

[hellocello]

I think people are misinterpreting what she said. When she mentioned giving someone unconditional love/respect she also said ‘depending on the context of course’. Your spouse who’s done something to upset you, a spouse you love and respect (and vice versa) and you know didn’t actually mean to hurt you, you wouldn’t respond with disrespect. You wouldn’t retaliate by trying to disrespect him too. You would deal with the situation maturely and solve the issue and he in return will recognise his fault and apologise and not do it again. You don’t do this to someone who’s not worthy or deserving of your love and respect for example an abusive man. Hope that makes sense

[salmanarif]

The best way to conquor husband and make him do what you want is showing love and respect

[arsheenzahid]

Every single person on earth wants respect

[amt]

This sister is experienced and there seems to be many people in the comments triggered, maybe it's due to current or past experiences or maybe the western way of thinking (such things as the me2 movement).

Yes both need respect but She has not said deal with physical or straight up abuse but highlighting what men find important in a marriage, just as much as women want love.

Some women realise what she is saying too late and will end up unmarried or even divorced later in life, until things like this make sense. Now this is not saying you can't just be with a bad partner (or stay in an abusive one) but it's saying do what you can to make a marriage work but generally knowing what is important, not just what you want but your spouse. Women appreciate love and affection and men respect. Arguing for both can be draining but there are ways you can discuss things without disrespect or constantly nagging. Sometimes a breather is good, to see if it is worth discussing or communicating and explaining things clearly and calmly without disrespect as sometimes with men (not generalising) we can often be unaware but also do not like hostile conflict. But work together, build together and love and respect eachother unconditionally

[GCSummer]

okay... so,

1. he has the right to disrespect you, a woman

2. it's your responsibility to respect him

3. make sure you always love him no matter how to treats you - see 1 & 2.

4. you don't need respect - you only need his conditional love.

Conclusion:
as a woman, you have no rights, BUT you're responsible for his actions.

Make it make sense!

No surprise women have been oppressed and suppressed.

[yasminkhalik]

Assalaamu alaikum dear sister. I love all your talks, very inspiring indeed n also following the sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW). I am so blessed to have a kind n caring hubby who does so much for me like guving me a break on weekends by cooking for the family n he always spends his free time with us. I truly care n respect him n appreciate him for everything that he does for me n our kids. To my namesake, Yasmin, may Allah always bless you n ur family. Love from South Africa.

[tahsintalat]

It's kinda the most Bitter truth of life
It's too too hard to accept And follow
But She is absolutely right

[okshuvro]

women are subconsciously more attracted to love, men are subconsciously more attracted to respect

[Als]

everyone is different. I need respect more than love as a woman. not just in romantic but every other relationship. love will come but without respect love doesn't mean shxt