How to Know If You're Transgender | How I knew | mtf

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[cmyFUfinger]

Wish I was young now, trans is more accepted. When I was young in the 70's and 80's it was so looked down upon

[UltraHylia]

I remember for me, it all started in puberty. I never felt I had any reason to question my gender when I was younger. And then when I was around 14, a few years into puberty, it all just escalated. I felt immensely jealous of the girls in my school, I daydreamed about having breasts intensely, but I thought it was just "part of attraction" and "everyone wants breasts".

I'm 21 now and I still conflate gender envy and attraction all the time. I still present masc irl, but I don't associate with masculinity, I hate everything puberty's done and I hate masc products/how they are advertised. I feel like I kinda can imagine myself as a girl but also kinda can't, though the thought of growing into a man feels horrible. I still doubt excessively, thinking "but I do really want this?", stressing about potential regret etc. Having counselling currently which does help, but it's hard not knowing what the future's going to look like.

[ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos]

I relate to this quite a lot. I spent an inordinate amount of time as a kid thinking about transforming into a girl, avoiding male spaces and habits, and being disappointed with my exclusion from female social circles. I spent my twenties deeply unfulfilled and exploring femininity in tabletop roleplaying games. It took getting on meds for depression and OCD, combined with relating to every transfem meme on egg_irl, to realize what exactly was wrong.

[xavierathorne]

The part where you (horrifically) envision yourself as an old person in your assigned sex at birth, really hit home with me. That’s what originally cracked my egg, but much later in life. I grew up in the 80s, in an ultra conservative environment. We didn’t have the Internet, or anything like that to even put a name to what was going on. I grew up, thinking that I was born, defective, and I would never find joy in who I was. Now in my 50s, I am finally where I need to be.

[lberghaus]

I feel like I could live without transitioning but I don't think I can be happy, I don't think I can love myself and I will always regret it if I don't. I can see the effects it has had on my life to live without really living. I had a strong urge to transition at 25 (before that I knew I was different but I didn't understand what it might be) but talked myself out of it because I read that a person shouldn't transition unless their only other choice was to kill themselves. Now I'm starting HRT this week at 41.

[swiftkatana]

Watching these kind of videos makes me realize that I might not be trans, but just a man who can embrace his feminine side and who doesn't care about fitting into the role model of what society deems a man should be. Idk what the label for that would be, but yeah... These kind of videos don't just help trans people, but also people like me. Thank you :)

[matt-dw]

As a straight guy who has been wanting to properly understand trans people for a little while and mostly landing on right-wing media your content has been fascinating. I had no idea that trans people have difficulty/dread imagining themselves as an adult still as their biological sex, for example. And I must say you pass as quite an attractive woman!

[liza]

I felt the same as you. I wanted to be just like you. I new i always felt different. One Halloween my girlfriend dressed me up as a woman. When i saw my self for the first time. I new from that point on i wanted to be a woman. I started dressing up all the time. But wanted more finally i came out as trans. I love being a woman. Would not have it another way. I know how you feel. You are such amazing and beautiful woman. Thank you for all the great information.

[mathildehb]

I have just been one month on HRT! 🥰 I am a happy transgender woman who loves herself and loves everything that is beautiful!

[tobe]

I'm not even trans but I find this very interesting. And I'm sorry about what you went through before the transition. Sounds like a 24/7 mental prison, that dysphoria.

[jadewhitla]

This was my childhood exactly, but sadly I was born 20 years earlier when we were considered by society to be filth. My parents are deeply homophobic and there was no information or support at all for us back then. I didn't even get over the self hate for being so broken until 2002 when my endless late night online research found a physiological explanation for my dysphoria that wasn't simply "you're sick in the head". But gatekeeping was still in full swing and I was denied access to HRT at age 28 because the medical profession was still homophobic and trans healthcare didn't properly exist. I tried to DIY but it became impossible to continue after about 7 months so I just accepted my lot and that transition would never be possible for me. Back then 28 was also considered much too late to begin transition. I wouldn't be legally able to transition for another 10 years but by then I was married and trying to have kids, run a business and basically work 16 hours per day. The workaholism kept the dysphoria at bay. My mind was so full with other concerns. I wish I hadn't become so good at "managing" because it was ultimately my breakdown that took me over the edge whereupon I discovered that "informed consent" had happened, that the DSM was gone and that we could now get the help I had needed for over 40 years.I finally began my transition again at 47. I am so happy that a generation of Mathildas didn't have to endure what I did, but seeing them so happy, able to have what I fought so hard for and still couldn't have, leaves me so heartbroken even though I finally have some peace. The world could very easily slip back to that of my childhood, where I feared for my future if my own parents were to discover my secret. Please don't be just an onlooker that allows that to happen, for your own childrens' sake if noone else's. Stand up for trans kids and our right to a life of happiness like everyone else.

[aiellamori]

I just realized the biggest reason I have been in the questioning stage for the longest time is because I can't express myself at all around my family. Not even my non trans self. They don't even know who I really am at all. I don't know why this is the case, I can easily be myself around friends/coworkers. But around my family, I'm introverted, very quiet- basically mute. So that literally is the biggest block in the way of me getting used to who I really am

[flowerfullgirl_]

I LITERALLY CANT RELATE MORE WOW, the future adult picturing, the childhood thoughts and behaviours, literally THE SAME THING

[patrickchambers]

Your throat looks amazing, I can't even see a scar.

[StuwPt]

For me, in 2020 when i was around 13 or 13 going 13 it was the first lockdown, so i had alot of time by myself and i had trans thoughts where the feeling of being the opposite gender would give me comfort, but it also made me scared to tell my parents about it.
I made a plan to leave notes around my house explaining it as i was too scared to comfront them myself, i thought it wouldve been easier for them to approach me. And so, they sounded annoyed and mad, and that i was mentally ill and if i felt like that they wouldve sent me up for adoption cause they couldnt have a son who wanted to be a girl.
For the next two weeks i cried the thought away, well atleast i thought i did.
Now and again after a few months or so id have sperts of thoughts about it but i always brushed it off because i thought it was wrong and "not who i am". I am now 16 going 17 in almost a month now, ive finally learnt to accept it and ive came forward to a few of my online friends, and they have accepted me which is boosting my confidence abit so thats good i guess :)
I plan on telling my most trusted person in my family, my nan shes really nice but i find it convenient how the person who is the oldest in my family that i know of (shes 82 btw) is probably the least homophobic & have a very more advanced mindset compared to even people in this generation which actually shows alot, i love her with my whole heart so if theres a physical person i wanna tell, its gonna be her.
I'll probably forget about this comment so if you would like any updates just reply to this comment and I'll let you all know :)

[JohnSmith-nmjk]

I'm a borderline case which is making me nuts. I hate being seen as a man, the core of my being feels strongly feminine, have hated what puberty did to my body and responded by dissociating and becoming invisible. Spent almost ten years in depression where I didn't see any future for myself at all. Then finally I figured that in the world of my dreams, and in a future I feel worth striving for, I am a woman. However, I still suppressed that for multiple years after.

Now, I feel like I have two possible futures: either I transition (which, ironically, seems like the easier alternative), or become the best possible man-like being I could possibly be (I've been joking to myself that this would be the ideal male character as written by a woman). I've delayed transitioning for so long that I've created a stable and loving environment for myself which would be in jeopardy if I started now. Also, there's something worthwhile in the ideal man endeavour too, which I could actually relate to. It's weird.

[Kapplerartbloomingdale]

I just feel female. I’m not into men but I relate to females completely. I don’t feel male.

[liamodonovan]

Sweetheart matilda you are amazing woman love you so much you are a valid valuable you are beautiful inside and out

[hikarigomez]

The first time i see a sponsor and drop everywhere ive struggle with disgusting body hair for a very long time nothing works on it and when i finals actually get it shaved down at the cost of the tool's durability its starts growing back immediately the next day its so frustrating thankfully this seems like its worth giving a shot