Difficult vs. Destructive Relationships | Therapy & Theology

Lysa TerKeurst talks with her friend Leslie Vernick about the difference between difficult relationships, which we all have to navigate at times, and destructive relationships, which are damaging to our relational and emotional health and overall well-being.

Helpful resources from Lysa TerKeurst and the Proverbs 31 Team:

- Share your story with our team! We’d love to hear how the Proverbs 31 Ministries YouTube channel has impacted you.

Additional resources from Leslie Vernick:
3. "The Emotionally Destructive Marriage" by Leslie Vernick:
4. "The Emotionally Destructive Relationship" by Leslie Vernick:

P.S. Looking for something specific? Fast-forward this video using the minute markers below!
0:00 Intro
0:49 Difficult or destructive relationship?
3:24 Red flags
6:52 Seeking truth in relationships
12:21 Discerning where our fears come from
17:32 Building courage to face the truth
20:43 Fight isolation with community
23:02 Listening to your body
25:47 Encouragement when you feel alone
29:42 Fruit of repentance
32:22 Trust God in this dark valley

#lysaterkeurst #proverbs31 #therapyandtheology #therapy #theology #mentalhealth #emotionalabuse

[lydiaheelu]

The Lord is not playing about exposing the narcissistic spirit in this hour. God is using so many of us who survived narcissistic abuse to expose this insidious, wicked spirit and empower others to escape these crippling relationships.

[stephm]

It's so important to remember a lot of us have an abusive family, zero friends because of the abuse, zero people who are supportive in the church, and no money for counseling. It's possible to heal without community and through Christ & His Word alone. There is hope. Thank you for these videos.

[DearGodPodcast]

No matter what you are going through right now, God will get you through it. We are praying for everyone reading this! ✝️

[ericaluna]

Getting divorced was the best decision I made. I had severe anxiety and depression due to the instability. My soul was breaking. I’m happy now and my son and I live in a peaceful home.

[lisahindle]

SO helpful.
2 truths I've realized are that;
1. God will not bring to light information that I'm not ready to handle.
2. God doesn't bring things to light to shame a person but to give the opportunity for sin to be redeemed. This helps calm my anger and realign my disappointment. I do want to co-operate with God is this healing but also allow for my anger in this too.
God knows what He is doing. Trust Him in the painful seasons.

[mirtawetzel]

I’m so thankful a friend shared this video with me. I can’t wait to break the chains to this toxic marriage. Give me strength lord. ❤

[Evey]

It's heartbreaking that so many wonderful women go through life stuck in these relationships. It's so sad that so many men are like this. God help us.

[GeraldaZainalvand]

This is a such a powerful pod cast. My husband lies about his money, he doesn't let me see his bank account, I believe he gives a lot of his money to his family. He is easily angered, when we argue he blames me, don't take responsibility, he smokes and keeps telling me he will quit and never does.

[sherrydickie]

Thank you for this video! I got out of my destructive marriage over 25 years ago and dont have to deal with my ex anymore. Now its my grown narcissistic daughter who screamed at me, cursed at me, gaslit me, all those destructive things! She cut me out of her life over a year ago. I dont miss the drama and destructive behavior, but i do miss my 6 year old granddaughter that i kept the first 5 years of her life! Sometimes i feel like i am being destroyed, but i believe God is allowing me to fight for my granddaughter to be a part of her own family! I am going through the court system. My little granddaughter has known only chaos in her young life, police coming to their house, drinking, fighting, men in and out! Please pray for us!

[mercyz]

God gave me four years to face the truth! Because I needed that long even then if God is not with me, I would have died, God is such a father and a friend.
He kept me🙏🏽

[hispoiema]

We moved 55 times in 35 years so went to about 15 different churches. Never felt emotionally well enough to talk to anyone nor did I know how to bring anything up. It was mind numbing. When I did talk to one woman I thought I could trust, she told me that what I was experiencing was normal. A pastor said the same. I left a year later. The intrusive thoughts stopped a year after that. Nearly 3 years later, I am starting to find my voice again.

[Watchingonthewall]

I was married to a narcissistic for 37 years. It was death by a thousand cuts. He desperately needed therapy and healing from his own trauma and abuse growing up. He took it out on me instead. God delivered me and im getting healing for myself.

[starlingswallow]

I was married to a man who claimed he was a Christian but after a year he changed. 14 years with him while I wept and prayed and prayed. I reached out to pastors and leaders and I was told to submit more, give him more sex, forgive, forgive, forgive.
He had sick, twisted sexual desires and I was coerced to do these things with him with the Bible. "The marriage bed is undefiled". I was not to say no, it was disrespectful.
Things continued to get worse. And worse.
I was dying slowly inside. I thought of killing myself. I daydreamed about him dying. I thought death was the only way out, his or mine.
He cussed God out regularly and flicked Him off while I was crumpled on the ground crying, my heart breaking that he couldn't feel the enormous love God has for him!

I finally had two friends who truly listened, helped me see that what I was in was severe abuse, and they helped me gather up my self live and self worth enough to leave. But it wasn't until I cried out to God to give me a sign to leave. I couldn't leave by my own wisdom which was lacking compared to Gods. I prayed for Him to end my marriage. My sign came the next day.

It wasn't until I left that I realized I was married to a covert narcissist.
I wasn't taught about abuse, I wasn't educated on boundaries, saying NO, manipulative people, narcissism, spiritual abuse. I wasn't taught to have any self esteem or about having self worth. I was taught that that was selfishness and self focus! 🤯

I am almost 5 years out and I am still healing from severe c-ptsd from having to sleep next to a monster for 13 years. I had to deconstruct the "religion" I had been taught and God and I are closer than ever!
I am remarried to an amazing man of God, a TRUE man of God and he is walking alongside me as I continue to heal.

We pray for my ex a lot. I've forgiven him but I'm still working through the grief, sadness and anger at him and myself....I chose to stay that long! I thought that was my calling, suffer for Christ. I was taught I could save my husband! What?! I am not Jr. Holy Spirit!!

I lived through spiritual abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, psychological abuse, emotional abuse and severe neglect.... and God has used all of it to make me the woman I am today and I am so grateful!

God bless you women for speaking out about this. There are so many men and women suffering through this horrific abuse. 😢

[rootedinjoy]

I had been so excited to be marrying a man in seminary. I meant my vows and so loved standing with him in service to our Lord in the lives of people. Little did I know that “the world” would take him over and he would begin to groom me for deplorable things. Though trapped, I loved my children and bought the story that it was my job to please him. It became extreme….then finally I felt I had to leave him or die. I’d been self medicating (no substances now for over 6 years) and the story is dramatic. He lost his ordination due to his behaviors. I didn’t leave for ten more years. I’ve been divorced for 11 years now after 24 of marriage. Our great God has healed me. I can even wear purple now (he always wanted my toenails to be purple). It has only been in the last year that I can say that he had predatory behaviors and I was groomed. I share this because I didn’t have the ego strength to recognize the red flags, to be able to speak out and hold on through his professed love. Someone needs to hear, YOUR voice matters! The Lord does NOT need you to stay in a relationship that destroys. To God be the glory!!!

[chantelcuddemi]

As a single Christian woman, I am learning a lot from this video about what I don't want from my next relationship. I'm a childhood trauma survivor, and I refuse to settle for a man who is a narcissist!

[lydiaheelu]

One thing I can say about the narcissistic spirit, IT’S CONSISTENT! I believe this spirit has a script that it follows to the t. I hear other people who were married to a narc speak and It sounds as if we were married to the same person.

[lmullett]

Reasonable people who are acting out of honorable motives should be happy to explain themselves ❤

[GirdsHerStrength]

I am coming to the realization that my husband is narcissistic and I may need to leave. I’ve been prescribed antidepressants several times for depression and extreme anxiety, and I’ve lost years of my life to fatigue that appears to have no physical cause. It can be really tough to recognize something is wrong with your relationship in the context of being a good Christian wife, and then even harder to leave once you do.

[amen]

This was the first time I put this into words, I don't regret our separation. I am more happy now ☺

[writerofgodsgrace]

This is so true!! I’ve been called as crazy, super jealous woman, unstable woman etc..I started to feel like I wasn’t a good Christian because I felt like I was thinking negative thoughts towards my ex-husband. But God made a way! The betrayal was exposed later on. 🙏🏻