When to get back with your ex and when NOT to...and why I DID

Welcome to my youtube page and 7th video in which I talk about when to get back with your ex and when not to, why you should first go "no contact", and what the research says about the best timeframe to get back with an ex and how many rekindled relationships end up happy.

[ajablackwell-collins]

I married my ex, but it was a great thing. We were the right people at the wrong time... when we reconnected we were very different people from the first time. We had matured greatly, and we've been back together 10 years in July and married 9 years in October and our relationship has only gotten better with time. He's my best friend.

[oddbeat]

Tried getting back with an ex, but as soon as I found out she slept with someone after two weeks, that was my deal breaker. It sucks, but it happens. Thank you, Emily. Always putting out top tier content!

[jimg]

Nice video. Went 10 months of no contact. She came out of the blue. We got back together for 90 days. On Thanksgiving day she said I need to distance myself from you. That was 3 years ago and she has ghosted ever since. Sure I miss her but it isn't worth the drama. We were married for 8 years and dated for 8 years. Hope she is happy being an alcoholic and diagnosed with BPD. One thing have learned whatever the issues were to break up these all resurface and its best to move on.

[colekv]

A month?! Ahhh, it takes much longer than that to really reflect deeply on something, come up with ideas on how to address problems and implement the solutions to become habits that display real personal growth in areas that were lacking in the relationship. I’m not against getting back together with an ex but in my situation there was alcoholism involved and it’ll probably take her years to sort out the issues that have led to her drinking. I’m thinking a six month minimum of no contact before I would be open to a conversation. In that conversation, I need to hear the mind of a lot of changed perspectives and a more positive view on the things from her past that tormented her throughout our relationship. I’m expecting it to be a few years before I would consider giving it a second chance.

[deadbrain]

I’m not against getting back with your ex if you know/understand the reasons you broke up, AND you both have done the necessary work to make yourselves better humans.

I’ve been divorced almost 2 years now and I’m hoping one day I can get back with my ex. I’ll admit I was not a good husband to her and didn’t treat her right, mainly because I never addressed the trauma I suffered as a child. Since my divorce, I’ve done nothing but work on myself and I’m hoping one day it’ll help me get back with her.

That being said, I am fully aware that the odds are not in my favor. However, that’s not going to stop me from continuing to better myself and put myself in a position for an amazing relationship, regardless if it’s with my ex or someone new. I’ll be honest though, a relationship with someone new (was with my ex for almost 15 years) is pretty scary to me.

[stevecausey]

I always figure we broke up for a reason...and you get reminded of that reason eventually

[dalebrownbridge]

Turns out your a pro. Shit happens. You owned it. All good. We all want to be perfect, but it's a tough job that most ppl don't appreciate it. Thanks for your openness

[VioletLaLaMoon]

I like the fact that you said self reflection is key and that even a short time apart, a pause if you will, is not a bad thing. That gave me permission to have space without losing the relationship and the person I love. My whole outlook has changed because of that one statement. I always thought that if you need space the relationship is doomed if not at the moment but in the future as well. ❤❤❤
I honestly wasn’t sure what to surmise about you in the beginning but I feel you have some rock solid advice!! Thank you!

[iliftthingsupandputthemdow]

This is just my anecdotal experience but in my past relationships from a male perspective I found that getting back with an ex is a terrible idea 100% of the time. First, you have that if the relationship has degraded to the point you imagine life better without them, then it's time to move on. And unfortunately a bigger issue for men is that almost always when a woman breaks up it's because she has another man on the side who she thinks could potentially be better than you. She will always try to hide this fact but if you pay attention you can pick up on the signs. I have had girlfriends try to re enter my life sometimes after 2 weeks, sometimes after years and what I always discovered was that the man she dumped me for never panned out which is why she came back, not because she loved me or cared about me but because her ego couldn't accept being rejected so she goes back to someone to make her feel good about herself again.

Know your worth as a person and don't take someone back who treats you as disposable and only comes back when they feel lonely.

[constancewalsh]

Each situation has its own commonalities and it's own uniqueness. Generalizations are not a good idea. I'm only a few minutes into this vide
but am Thrilled that Emily is back with her ex. Personally I have never un-loved anyone I've loved. I've never thought "What was I thinkin????!!" when looking
back on past loves. Regardless of hard times and eventual partings, my fondness for the him remains.

Thank you Emily for all your wonderful shorts and videos. I am a white female elder who's been a defender of the male all my life. Discovering you
was the Eureka! I'd longed for. Understanding men, and holding my entitled sisters accountable is very high in value and interest.

[johnvale]

I love the concept of "no contact" after a break-up, especially if it's permanent. 😸

[theaspiecoach]

An ex wants you back when she realizes nobody else wants her and her options have left the chat. She will be bitter and feel she settled for you. I’ve done it and never will again. When I’m gone I’m GONE.

[deanthroop]

Excellent content, super real as always. Your compassion, candor, and openness are incredibly rare on the Internet. Appreciate you helping everyone and exposing yourself to the negative side of the Internet. Positive thoughts for everyone close to you and you.

[yenko]

I did..We've been married for 23 years now...gets better everyday. Truly

[richardmathis]

I have been having difficulties with my marriage for sometimes now but with the help of this Sorceress, I have been able to put my marriage back together.

[MargieM.Jamison]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

[themadmailler]

Every relationship is different. A girl broke up with me, and a month or so later i dropped her stuff off that was at my house. That began a very enjoyable casual relationship for 6 months or so, because we had no hard feelings against each other. When my most recent ex broke up with me, i knew we would never get back together because of her steadfastness with decisions and because I knew i would never trust her again. Its really a case-by-case basis. Really enjoy your videos, keep it up!

[hokie]

When you open the fridge to get that nice cold drink of milk only to find it’s gone sour, putting it back in the fridge for 1 week or 6 months is not going to change the fact that it’s sour.

I’ve gotten back into several broken relationships only to find out in the 1st 20 minutes why I broke up with them in the 1st place.

Lastly, WADR, I can’t see how someone can “change” in only 1 week… true change will take years and it comes in 3 stages:

1) Pain … enough pain that know that there needs to be a change.

2) Awareness… you have to take the time to get enough awareness of what needs changing

3) Courage.. This is the big one. So many get to (1) and (2), but just never have the courage to change.

After all, whatever needs changing is just as a much a part of you as your right arm.

And then there is the fact that maybe YOU are not the one that needs to change. 🤔

[Mortismors]

I recently experienced love at first sight, which I wasn't sure I believed in before it happened to me. It was like a drug experience. The amount of Oxytocin my brain released was more than ever in my life. The feeling of walking away from her was like I had just experienced a break up with a year or longer girlfriend. The Oxytocin withdrawl hit me immediately as I left. I think now love is a drug, and sometimes we just want our fix. Which is why we'll try and get back with an ex because sometimes it's all about that chemical addiction.

[MommaARA]

Men have no problem moving on with sleeping with someone else after a break up. So if they can't get their ex back it's probably because they moved on like that. No one likes being immediately replaced. The body count is both people's responsibility.

I think before considering going back you need to ask yourself if you are friends or can be friends again. Timing and working on yourselves is crucial.

Personally, I give the relationship every chance, every ability to do the work to fix things before it's time to let go. Both people need to work together at it because all relationships take work. If the other person gives up before ever trying healthy methods to get through stress and communication issues, then they will keep giving up. It's a bad habit people develop early on to never have accountability or to stay the victim. Quitters are cowards and will not fight with you to save something. They will run and leave you to carry it by yourself. That's not love.

Love is a choice we make everyday to accept the person, warts and all.