My Partners Anxiety Is Driving Me Crazy (Anxious Attachment Style example)

In this video, Psychotherapist and Relationship Coach Craig Kenneth talks about what it can be like to be in a relationship with someone who has an anxious attachment style.

Now for many of you guys watching, you may have an attachment style and you can gain some clarity and insight into how your behavior is affecting your partner.



You can find and add Craig on Instagram

Craig is now podcasting on all major platforms!

[CanadianAndre]

"I only want, what I need, from someone who can't give it to me". Damn.

[anthonyhurtado]

I lost my girlfriend because of my anxious attachment. I was controlling and worried all the time she was going to find someone. I would get mad at her all the time because I felt insecure....when she left I started working on myself by listening to your videos.

[staceyswope]

I’m so sorry about your beloved rabbit. Caregivers can be so cruel and insensitive, and the worst ones don’t even recognize it. You have such a kind heart, Coach. Thx for giving what you never received. Love and thanks 💗

[pikachu.beaver]

My ex has an avoidant attachment style while I have an anxious attachment style. I have been somewhat aware of it for a while, but never really understood what it meant and why things happened the way it did. I would bring up issues that were irrational to him (deep down I also know they were irrational, but they weren't irrational for me in the moment) and he would often accuse me of creating drama out of nothing and pull himself back. He would accuse me of not even trying to get a stable relationship with him, and that I was the one with issues and that I was ruining it (he even threw the word "borderline" at me at some point) - when really all I wanted was to have something stable, but I was also fighting with so much emotion and anxiety.
We were both going to the same music festival, so to me it was obvious to go as a couple, however, he would rather like to spend the time alone. It didn't have anything to do with me, he just felt more comfortable experiencing the festival by himself, and deep down I also knew this, but at the same time I took this extremely personal and as a sign that he didn't prioritize me and my needs to be with him. A few days into the festival, we decided to meet up, but it felt as if we both only did it to please the other. I was very confused by it, and when he eventually decided to leave me to do something else, I became so overwhelmed with feelings. I tried explaining it to him, but it only escalated into a fight and he left me. A few hours later, he broke up with me over text. Things like this has happened before, and I would always react very hurt, and probably tend to more "stalkish" behaviour. However, this time I decided to just leave him alone. Later that day, he sent me one of your videos that was about the avoidant attachment style, and I realized that it described him spot on. I explored more of your videos, and realized I have an anxious attachment style. I have very foggy memories of my childhood, and I just remember being extremely anxious all the time and having parents that fought constantly. I specifically remember sometimes having to tip toe around my parents or isolating myself, in fear of experiencing another screaming match between them.
As I mentioned, I have been somewhat aware of the attachment styles that me and my ex have, but never really understood them. All this time, all I wanted was for him to understand my anxiety and show empathy. But whenever I asked this from him, it was as if he felt that I would be avoiding HIS issues, and expecting him to take responsibility for my behaviours.
He broke up yesterday, and I haven't heard from him since he sent me that video of yours. I don't know what he is thinking now exactly, and I assume that he is now also aware that we have these attachment styles. I truly hope that we can get back together with new perspectives of each other, watch your videos together and improve ourselves - but even if that isn't the case, I will try to stay strong and work on myself without him. I really enjoy watching your videos, and although I only discovered you yesterday, I feel like I have learned so much more about myself, my ex and our issues. Thank you.

[MultiStar]

This video literally almost made me cry, because my ex has this and I had no idea.... I'm trying to get her back in the moment, but oh this completely changed my view on her. Thank you Coach

[bryanmccaffrey]

Trauma, brain fog, dissociation. I've always described it as a fog with PTSD.

[Ishtarthemoon]

wow, i can still feel your anger and feelings of betrayal about that rabbit story. so sad! i wish grownups would respect kids more.

[maryammbakht]

I watched this so many times. Not because my ex has anxiety, but because I do and it really has helped me look at myself in a way that is so productive for my growth. The work is hard, but it's amazing to feel like a more secure person after a time of self reflection and self improvement.

[jimmygee]

This resonates with me strongly, my ex was perhaps the most anxiously attached partner I have ever been with. She was constantly pushing, ignoring barriers, needed constant 24/7 texting, extremely low self esteem that I tried to boost up as much as I possibly could, constantly just told me that she didn’t like being along which made me feel like she was with me just so she didn’t have to be alone which was incredibly heartbreaking. It also made me not fully trust her (I have a flair of FA attachment style but not super intense if I feel secure in a relationship or in a partner I’m pretty secure and healthy). She has a lot of really unhealthy emotional, mental and physical habits. I tried to push her and the relationship towards a healthier place. She has come dissociative qualities and is just generally not in a healthy place. When we were together everything was actually pretty wonderful and we got along incredibly well, had nearly all the same interests. But I don’t think she really knows what a healthy relationship look or feel like. I was instantly put on a pedestal and I fought back against that pretty well. We ended up quaranting apart as we lived apart and are healthcare providers in different facilities so it really wasn’t a good idea to break lockdown for that. She can’t handle being alone, she felt alone and pushed into me WAY too hard. I tried to communicate that with her and just asked for a little space which I never really got. She still expected constant communication. I’m not great on long distance on a normal day but I ended up feeling so emotionally and mentally burnt out after a while and I pulled back a bit when I asked for space, she ended up running, likely monkey branched. I truly feel like I was a complete slave to her anxiety for months, realistically then entire relationship and it sucks to see someone you care about battle with themselves for the entire duration of the relationship. She said I was bad at communicating which isn’t true. She would listen to me but she never actually heard me. She would isolate me from my friends. We had difficult work schedules to mesh up super well but I gave her as much free time as I could while still maintaining a relationship with my parents and siblings. She would secretly become controlling and would often manipulate me for extra attention, usually in negative ways that I would have to feel bad for her.

I do miss her and I truly love that woman despite how difficult it was. I didn’t quit on her, but she quit on me. I saw a lot more in her than she actually saw in herself. I miss her greatly but I don’t know that I want to get back with her, she really needs to talk to someone. I just feel extremely used by the end of the relationship. I know she had an extremely difficult childhood and even adulthood. And I tried. I wish I saw this video a little sooner and I truly wish quarantine didn’t happen. It’s been two months, I doubt she’ll ever be back and I’m not holding my breath for her. It’s unfortunate as we held an extremely strong connection for over a decade, even before the nearly year long relationship. Craig, I really wish that I could afford a session. I’ve been doing no contact for about 2 months, I’m not sure that was the way to go with this one but I didn’t have a whole lot of options here. I’m just so emotionally and mentally burnt out, confused and honestly just really hurt.

[MrKaceymcarter]

My husband hates me for my anxiety. He travels for work or even if it's a regular day when he gets home I cant shut up, he tells me I talk to much. After 8 yrs of marriage we no longer talk, have different bedrooms, no sex. And we are only 40. I go to a dr for the last 13yrs every 3 months, he calls him my "crazy dr" when I have an appointment. My memory is GONE. I've been on meds the whole time. But he makes fun of me for my behavior so we don't do anything together. My 16 yr old son just recently was shot in the face and almost died October 5th. I have been a different person since then, meaning worse I cry like I lost him. And my husband says to suck it up, hes alive, go back to work. It's been 5 months, lots of surgeries, and he doesn't understand how it still feels like yesterday. I'm so tired of trying to explain how I feel. That's my baby boy. I love my husband but I think it's time to leave the relationship

[denisejaydub]

Craig you’re amazing. Thank you for giving us all of this valuable, life changing information at no cost ❤️

[Banana-lktf]

Well my ex seemed to be equally avoidant as he was anxious. On the one hand, he opened up and shared so much with me in such a short period of time, and he wanted to connect with me every single day. But on the other hand, he abruptly broke up with me out of the blue when everything was going super well. He told me that he has issues with intimacy, which I never would have suspected because he was so vulnerable and open with me, from the get-go. I miss him so much, it sucks.

[christianvelazquez]

best YouTube channel for advic. my family is hooked

[gregoryjwhite]

WOW...fantastic video! You basically described my childhood & explained how I my anxious attachment style was formed. I am hyper vigilant, but unfortunately I have been accurate about an ex cheating. Avoidants are our kryptonite.

[j.p.]

please tell me how to change my attachment style from anxious to secure? I really want to save my current relationship!

[kirstys]

Thank you for sharing a little about yourself. I enjoy your videos because they help me understand myself, other people and, why I behave the way I do. I've learned a lot in a very short space of time.

[emilyweisser]

Craig, I'm so sorry to hear about your pet rabbit. Your story made me cry. I have a similar story of a cat, and I knew where we were going to move the cat would die. I also screamed and cried and begged and made as much of a scene as I could; but my parents didn't listen. On Valentine's Day of that year, he got his by a car, and I watched as he died. You are right, till this day I am angry and sad, and you're right I didn't feel heard. Thank you for sharing your story.

[Zasha]

Thank you for helping so many people out there that are unaware of their own issues and how to help themselves.😁

[marinaaing]

The best explanation of multiple personality coach. My mom physically abused me until I was 21 and I finally left home. I pretended to everyone that I was this delicate overprotected child. I had men chase me sometimes 4-8 at a time . I didn’t know why which made me scared of men, so the first man I felt protective, I married. He put me on a pedestal so I imagined but he neglected me because of his gambling addictions and finally left me and my two babies after 5 yrs of me doing to him what my mom did to me. The divorce was a blessing I had therapy and so did my 3 yo son. He now is a Marine and has Ptsd I have been forwarding your videos to him and he will have coaching with either of you as soon as I can afford it. My daughter had with Margaret .She has also therapists since 18 because she can’t cut the cord from me. Now she is starting her own clinic and we are still on the healing process . I have your knowledge workbook . My bf dumped me because I was insecure, jealous and smothering. I bottomed down and found you. I almost broke no contact but held on to you and Margaret and he reached out. We are slowly reuniting but I want to analyze if he is a good partner basing on your workbook and not just on my intense attraction . God made you my blessings, also to my daughter and my son. I love you both

[ABC]

I'm so sorry about your childhood. I'm glad you're turning it into a positive by helping us over the years. Thanks