This Anxiety Habit Destroys Relationships

When we dont get our needs met as children, we collapse into ourselves and put up protective shields. If we don't see them, those shields stay there for the rest of our lives and create anxiety and damaged relationships. One such shield that is devastating for relationships is a term I learned from Developmental Psychologist Dr Gordon Neufeld called "Defensive Detachment" This video helps you see what it is, if you are doing it, and how you can stop this devastating habit.

[dbuck]

Thank you so much for giving a name and a description to a difficulty that has wreaked untold havoc in my life for the last five decades. Being able to identify and hopefully remain somewhat aware of this tendency in me will hopefully be a bridge towards building healthier and more sustainable relationships with others.

[ranu]

Thank you for this video doctor. I didn't realize that the mechanism I used in my childhood & adolescents to protect myself, defend myself, and become independent was ultimately going to be the reason why my relationship was suffering later in life 😔

[victoriagillespie]

This was quite insightful. This gave a name to what I’ve been dealing with in my relationship. You also gave a solution. Thank you 🙏🏾

[raythomas]

Thank you! I needed this extremely today. I felt myself going into a familiar state of anxiety due to this exact diagnosis. In my previous relationship, I completely let go of the attachment and things went into a slow burn over time. Thank you for bringing this to light. I know, I don’t want to let this anxiety turn me into the person I was in the previous relationship.

[trinityp]

I was in hospital for 2 weeks when I was 4-5 years old in 1980s and parents could only come for short visit & rarely. It was horrible and most inhumane thing to do to a small child.

[vivianwalsh]

I'm listening to your Anxiety MD book on Audible for the second time. It's helping me immensely! I'm pausing between thinking and my body reaction. I concentrate on where the reaction is physically and shut down the speed of the thoughts for awareness, but still forget to use my breath as well. I have lots of opportunity for practice as my alarm shows up several times a day. I think you're wonderful! I want to see more of you on Utube now that I see you're here. Grateful!!!

[Nathouuuutheone]

I feel very liberated by knowing losing someone isn't as painful as it used to be and I can try relationships without feeling imprisoned by fears.

[nancybaird]

Absolutely loved the Anxiety Rx audiobook! I am recommending it to everyone I know who deals with anxiety. It goes right along with the neck down approach of calming the body first before dealing with troublesome thoughts.

[vivianwalsh]

So glad to see you here. I'm listening to your book ANXIETY MD. It's helping more than I thought is possible. Every chapter I can relate and heal with. Thank you for sharing your journey, pain and wisdom. You are fantastic!!! Vivian

[delscott]

Yet again you describe something that has affected me since childhood. Thankfully by putting a label and description to it, it's now going to be easier to recognise the thoughts and feelings relating to this. So I can then use my awareness to change. Your previous video on the anxious thoughts/alarm state really helped me when I had been stuck in that cycle for years. Having a better understanding has allowed me to be more open with my therapist and allow for progress to a more balanced productive life. Thank you and keep posting more useful information.

[marissaali]

I completely get this abandonment as a child or neglect as a child u go into defensive detachment

[quietcorner]

My wife has anxiety and does this. I am trying to be understanding but it is really hard. I have MS and this puts so much fear in her. I miss having a woman who I can hold and be close to.

[shawnawan]

Don’t believe everything you think… 🙏🏽

[Luna-lfzo]

Thanku you. You have no idea how helpful you are

[theotherway]

The mindfulness and meditation book "30 Days to Reduce Anxiety" by Harper Daniels is really good. It has simple and effective exercises.

[honeybadgernasty]

I disagree, the more detached I am from other people, the happier and better off I am.

[freeandcriticalthinker]

Great points! Let me ask you Dr. Kennedy, is this the same thing or closely aligned with a Dismissive Avoidant attachment? Thanks much:)

[abrahamschnitzer]

Thank you so much.
I feel like you talk direct to me😅

[ryanstarlight]

Wait is that why I used to hit my parents when I was a kid djskkssk
From my second day of school when I was 3, I forced my parents not to come with me to school. It was always like that. I also used to hit people who wanted to help me.
I was abused when I was a baby.
But how do we get out of this ?

[teasha]

Do you think I have this I'm my 28 years old when my husband not next to me I flipping up and start panic