How Toxic Is Your Family? Family Systems Test

The toxic family test was developed to assist in processing of childhood trauma and family dynamics but primarily was created to raise awareness of the toxic family system.

#toxicfamilyawareness
#toxicfamilytest

Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings

MUSIC IS BY:
Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream

Editing Service:

⚠️ Disclaimer

My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.

If you are, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[patrickteahanofficial]

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
0:52 Two Problems
1:49 "Toxic"
2:31 Is "Toxic" Overused?
3:09 Are They?...
4:27 What Makes a Family Toxic?
7:23 What Makes a Parent Toxic?
8:06 What Makes a Parent Toxic? - #1 Lack of Accountability
8:38 What Makes a Parent Toxic? - #2 Poor Relationships
9:05 What Makes a Parent Toxic? - #3 Contempt & Criticism
9:37 What Makes a Parent Toxic? - #4 Poor Insight / No Improvement
9:59 What Makes a Parent Toxic? - #5 Poor boundaries
10:31 What Makes a Parent Toxic? - #6 Duplicity
11:07 Is Toxic a Fixed Thing & Can They Change?
13:36 Difficulty in Calling Our Childhood Toxic
14:21 No Healthy Frame of Reference
15:04 No Help / Confirmation
15:57 Measuring Toxicity
16:42 Toxic Family Test
17:13 Toxic Family Test - Questions
18:52 Final Thoughts
19:39 Outro

[eq]

In a recent conversation with a safe person I was asked about my military service and if I was afraid I told her: "No, combat is safer than where I grew up. At least in the military I could trust the other men in my unit."

[MrLugubrious]

On the opposite end of parentifying kids, I think your test misses the perhaps equally impactful authoritarian approach of being permanently and unjustly infantalised and surveilled.

Instead of being forced to grow up too fast in terms of responsibilities I'm still contending with the damage of having my metaphorical legs broken via being raised like a prisoner under constant intense violations of privacy and basic autonomy, and being subsequently shamed and punished for not being able to walk away fast enough on those mangled stunted limbs

[SusanaXpeaceu]

My family's toxic dynamic is that they're perfect and I'm sensitive, I challenged that and got DARVO'd, gaslit, had my sanity questioned. So depressing.

[Trammiliin_nr]

Took the test and got 100/100. Thought maybe I was too critical and took the test again. Second time got 96/100... Not much better I'd say. And my mother thinks I'm "mentally unstable" and she has no idea why.

[PaigeSquared]

I didnt know emotional neglect was a thing until i was 30. I did not understand why everyone around me seemed able to make decisions and have dreams about their life, and i was not functioning in that way.
In middle school, the counselor picked up on the flags. My mom told them to leave me alone and they'd address the concerns at home (it was never brought up again).

At the time, i was relieved this nebby adult was not up in my business, i viewed my mother as rescuing me from persecution. In retrospect, that was the only shot i had to get support from an adult outside of my family, as a minor.

[tarpz]

Multi-generational trauma and toxicity= the gift that keeps in giving.

[Ariye]

I knew things were off, but I didn't realize just how bad my family system was until I was telling what I considered a funny story from when I was little, and instead of laughing, my boyfriend looked really upset and said "I can't believe you had to go through that, I'm so sorry." 😬

I scored an 80/100, so in the words of Kronk from The Emperor's New Groove, "Oh yeah, it's all coming together." I'm so glad to be a part of this community, it's been such a blessing!

[itslexactually]

“Weaponizing basic needs” really hits the nail on the head for me… there was definitely other stuff going on but that was a major indicator of abuse and neglect in the family system.

[Kuutamo]

I think the easiest way to find out how abusive our caregivers were is the amount of shame we feel

[periforbylee]

I was beaten by my dad every couple of days for more than 10 years, called a slut, and my mom was in denial that any of this happened to me, and until very recently I did not know I was abused! I was just wondering why everything is so difficult for me and why I cannot be optimistic and trusting like other people 😂 I got 82 and I am so proud that I survived, am almost sane, am able to love others and came this far.

[vampbat]

still living with my abusive parents, i sometimes feel like i’m overreacting so this will hopefully be validating

[megan]

My sister just told me she is sick of me making everything about my feelings when I have just literally forced myself to have courage to express my feelings to her for the first time. No wonder I feel terror at the thought of being assertive because my family gets so personal and nasty

[bethanyatkinson]

"the toxic family is one that caters to the most toxic individual" my mind is literally blown. Thank you for giving me a framework for one of the aspects that bothers me so much. Siblings, but don't make any efforts to see me, projecting that I don't want to see them because of who they have decided that I am 🤦‍♀️

[vickydiss]

100/100 on that test. Crazy how as a child, I just thought I wasnt handling life as well as everyone else.

[equalityforall]

"They are more involved with others than with their own family. That's a boundary violation." Wow1 That describes my mother. She knew everything about everyone else's family. Everything about someone's else's 2nd husband's 3rd wife's kids' 2nd daughter and all her illneses. She's spend hours at the dinner table talking about them. Yet she never even knew 3 things anbout me: 3 friends I had, 3 things I liked, what I did at work. She never asked, she never cared.

[nathaliediaz]

I just took the test and I got a 54 my family was toxic growing up . But I’ve gone through therapy which helped me a lot . My mother has also done a lot of self work and we’ve talked about my childhood and she’s taken accountability for what didn’t happen. I know my story is rare but I pray for healing in the hearts of everyone going through these experiences with loved ones

[MirAndHer]

It's a shame that toxic is such an overused word in the world today, much like narcissism. It's really unhelpful, and dilutes the horrific impact of those of us who have grown up in this reality. The questionnaire was so helpful, thanks Patrick.

[NunYaO]

After having multiple therapists who openly cried when I started to narrate even small portions of my life; I realized that I must have been raised (and continue to be in) a toxic family. I no longer discount my experiences as 'less' traumatic than someone else's...

[oceanicmartian]

86/100
take that, parents!
finally scored high on a test!
🥳🥳🥺