The freeze response and narcissistic relationships

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[dianabailey]

The quietest sound in the world is the sound of letting go.
I used to hate my freeze response until I realized it was my body taking care of me in a no win situation.
Silence can be powerful tool. For me, it was choosing silence over being stuck in tongue tied silence. That took a lot of work to learn to detach and respond rather then react.

[cmsbeth]

Before I knew the term "freeze", I thought what I was experiencing was staring in disbelief. The narcissist's actions were SO beyond anything I could have ever expected! I wanted to believe it was not happening. I wanted to believe I did not hear what actually occurred. I doubted myself...always. The end of this month marks 2 years of "no contact". No contact is, I suppose, the ultimate freeze response...freezing that narc the heck out of my life.

[NarcSurvivor]

Narcissists leave you feeling confused and doubting yourself. So rather than fighting or running away, you may find yourself in the freeze response. Because you don’t know how to respond to them.

[sadiegirl]

I cannot possibly count how many times I have lived this. Thank you for helping me understand. You validate my experience over and over again.

[wisegentle]

you brought tears to my eyes....so accurate...I suffered with this "freeze" my whole life. People called me "stuck up"...in school....the cruel conditioning from my mother was what they were seeing. I was scared to death of saying the wrong thing or looking the wrong way. I hated school/high school...I was subjected to my mothers cruelty and then was bullied and treated badly by some of my fellow classmates. It sometimes takes a lifetime to realize that bullies just are and have nothing to do with truth about me.

[texaspatty]

There are times that a freeze response is life saving, some Narc's are violent !! Sometimes it's better when they leave !!

[crencottrell]

The ONLY thing I "regret" was ignoring narc red flags in past relationships, and realizing years later I shouldn't have invested as much time and tried to bond intensely with the same people who harshly discarded me 😅

[agnesstrzykowska]

I've taught myself to utilize my freez response repeating in my head: "don't say anything anyway you can't win" so I don't feel stupid, I just know it's better not to say anything.

[Morganthebandgeek]

Im so past this point of the freeze in mid "argument" with a narcissist. I learned to step out of my ego and anger and allow them to tie themselves into a knot of life. Silence is maturity. Silence is golden at most times. Smile and nod to the negative, aggressive attitude that is coming at you.

[TMaria-vmor]

I froze many times bc I thought I am not „allowed“ to stand up for myself. I was quite scared too. But interestingly not when it came to other people. As a leader I strongly stood up for my people and didn’t fear fighting for their rights.
Only when it came to me I froze.
I know now this results from the way I grew up. My mother wouldn’t allow any point of view than hers. I am healing and this channel helps so so much !

[marionohara]

I'm mostly too stunned at what just happened and on what planet he lives on.... So much of what he says blows me away and leaves me wondering, what the hell is he even talking about. 😳😳

[RoseManny]

As a child, I utilized the freeze and fond responses. Once I moved away to college and identified who I was outside of the abuse, I used the flight response more into my twenties. Once I turned 30 five years ago, as I began to do deep healing on myself, I began to stand up for myself more, and I transitioned into the fight response. Today, I can spot a narc miles away, and because I'm so authentic in who I am and don't react to them, it confuses them that I am unbothered by their antics that they drop off like flies. It took a long time, but emotionally, I feel like I'm 65 instead of 35 because of how much I endure and the wisdom I took from each experience and allowed it to cultivate me.

[alwaysasweety]

Omg, this is so me. And the comebacks that I think of after the fact are so good.

[notagain]

When I was young, older people whose thinking I respected would often say, "You must be careful what you say, because you can't take back your words." Or, "Be nice and don't rock the boat." As I got older, I realized no one else was being that careful, and I seemed to get a lot of rude treatment from bullying types who thought I'd just overlook any which way they were treating me, and I'd just freeze, as you say in this video. This was me, until I realized it was important to acknowledge aggressive comments from others. I didn't want to go through my life being a psychological dumping ground. Often times, the comments were not exactly personal, but I became an easy outlet for their stress. What I started to do to buy a little time and space from their rudeness, was to ask a question. Such as, "What's this all about?" Or, "Why do you want friendship with someone like me who annoys you so much?" That often would diffuse the situation long enough for them to back up and think of how they sounded, and for me to find out some deeper things that were going on under the surface, and if I was lucky and it was a relationship that mattered to me, I'd find out things that helped us to get to a better mutual understanding. Sometimes they just needed an outlet for stress, but I don't want to continue my life being a psychological dumping ground. So I told them that.

[Adhara]

I dealt with many narcissists in school. I used the grey rock method so much and it really angered them lol. I was even accused of being ‘ weak ‘ as a bait tactic. I proceeded to tell them ‘ not everyone is worth fighting with ‘ then walked away.

[Alicia-pnkv]

I've experienced this countless times. The worst part was that my silence would lead him to believe that I thought he was right about whatever he was saying and would encourage him to keep going and further convince himself of his false narrative.

[lynnehaeberle]

I always felt shock, like someone had just punched me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me. I always knew it would happen again, and thought I would say something the next time. But, each time was the same. I was always in shock that someone could treat someone else in such a way.

[strugglingmillennial]

Freeze and fawn are so painful for survivors. I find myself getting angry because I could not fight back or run away. Working on boundaries and assertiveness has helped a great deal.

[daisywaite]

Makes so much sense! Coming from a child who can not flight or fight, we learn to freeze, which feels helpless 🥲 much to learn about myself

[nefarioussagittarius]

My mother’s hour long rages made me feel like I was leaving my body. I blocked out so much of these episodes.