C-PTSD AND HEALING THE FAWN RESPONSE: WHAT IS MY TRAUMA TYPE? (SERIES)

***ONLINE COURSES FOR HEALING AND DEALING WITH BORDERLINE/NARCISSISTIC PARENTS AND HEALING YOUR INNER CHILD BY RE-PARENTING YOURSELF (LINK BELOW)

**FREE CHECKLIST: DO I HAVE NARCISSISTIC AND/OR BORDERLINE PARENTS?

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This video is about the FAWN Response in C-PTSD (FROM THE TRAUMA TYPES: FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE, FAWN, COLLAPSE/SUBMIT AND ATTACH/CRY OUT FOR HELP).

We explore C-PTSD and the FAWN Response, using Pete Walker's book "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" and examine why a person may use this response and how it impacts their life and relationships, especially around safety and intimacy needs, and what helps to heal when this is your go-to trauma response.

We also explore what it takes to begin healing your FAWN response, if it is a go-to trauma type for you.

Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):

1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA

2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"

3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT

Guided journal to help direct healing from childhood coming soon!

xo

*** Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.

Thank you so very much - I truly and sincerely appreciate you, and the time and thoughts you share here:)

[BecomeConsciousNow]

The feeling of displeasing others can feel really really difficult to deal with, even when it's the right thing to do. I'm glad you said that we have to accept feeling this way in order to heal and get over the fawning response.

[monicabalmes]

Crazy how she pointed out all of my struggles I didn't know were a trauma type.

[Jennicorn]

I was waiting for you to release this one because i KNEW it would be me. I'm the epitome of a caretaker type and don't know how to have relationships with family/friends when I'm not "merging and groveling", orbiting around everyone else's needs and throwing mine out the window... or completely distant because I'm actually taking care of myself. I realized that I sustain a lot of toxic connections that take advantage of my kindness, and I want to find more people I can be genuine with. Lots of work to do on myself. Thank you sharing this, your videos are so kind and informative.

[beckilee]

Oh my gosh, this is my life! For 61 years, then I hit the wall. I had never set boundaries, I didn’t even realize how important it was to have them, it also explains why I tolerated these things, and why I was a raging “ nut case. I’m learning so much!

[mendingmandy]

I was raised by a malignant narcissist. I read Pete Walkers book and I believe I am a fight-fawn type. I would defend my twin from my narcissist when she went on rages until she dominated me into submission. I also was parentified. I had jobs as a teen and went to school when my narcissist's husband was a deadbeat alcoholic. We provided grocery money yet weren't allowed to eat unless My guardian said we could. My twin and I cleaned the house everyday from top to bottom. If we missed one chore, we were raged at. We weren't allowed to hang out with friends until we cleaned the whole house down to cleaning the refrigerator daily. Even if we did do everything, many times she said we couldn't go anywhere. Trapped. My narcissist made a play schedule while I was in college (and had two jobs) to play with her daughter for hours so she didn't have to take care of her. After, I faught I had no choice but to fawn so the punishment wasn't as severe. I find myself doing this in my marriage but my fawning is more heartfelt. My husband is a good man so after I defend myself, I wind up apologizing because I was sharp or insensitive. Then I caretake and make sure he's ok. I feel crazy because I'm so hot and cold when triggered. Ugh.

[SteenatheCatrobat]

I noticed that when I’m triggered and I think someone is mad at me, my personality goes to a complete 180, and I become extremely submissive. I look down, I am desperately trying to hide tears, I barely speak, and in order to mask all this I will do or say whatever the person wants. I used to give certain people massages so that they were more calm throughout the day and didn’t explode later. I still do that sometimes. And whenever someone expresses being even slightly upset with me, I walk on eggshells and I’m overly apologetic and submissive.
It’s something I’m trying to heal as I legit get scared of being hurt in some way if someone is angry. Or being abandoned.

[lilcherryblossom]

Me 1000%.
Took on much of a parent role at a young age, kinda felt like a homemaker as a kid since my mom was always working and dad was gone. To this day, I get rageful when my mom says she is coming to visit. I rage clean and get so panicked and anxious. Then while she’s here I become a resentful hostess; begrudgingly doing whatever it take to keep her from making comments about anything related to the house or me.

[Livngdeadgrlxl]

Thank you for this video. The way my upbringing trained me and molded me was in a “anticipate and participate” mindset. I’ve always felt I was clocked-in at work since I was 8 years old. Exhausting.

[iceriahikari]

I'm the youngest sibling and our family dynamic has an hierarchy system in which the younger you are, the less power you have. So basically I was the servant of the family. I had to wake up as early as 3AM to cook food for my older siblings so they have breakfast and pack lunch for their work. I wasn't allowed to say no. Worse, my father just kept telling me that "You're the youngest. It's your responsibility to serve your siblings and respect them." Yet two of my siblings said that I'm spoiled and I got it all (despite doing most of the household chores). They displaced the resentment they have to our parents towards me who have to bow down my head since that's the only way I can meet my needs.

[consultmlcesqful]

I can identify with the fawn response, as well as fight, flight & freeze. Caretaker & pampering of my father whom I adored & revered; and craved & sought the love and attention of as a child - because of a feeling of abandonment beginning in the wound ; and continuing through my adulthood. Caretaker of my mother whom I feel indebted to as an adult. Caretaker of the men in my life, who abused me, cheated on me, lied to me & stole from me. The ultimate people pleaser of others, at the expense of myself. Asserting & establishing no boundaries & unable to say no. Feeling unappreciated, taken for granted & resentful. That’s me. Thanks for the succinct & accurate description of me, helping me to see myself. 😢

[hollierafferty]

My narcissistic dad made me like this. We get on better now but he shaped me into this. Primary school made this worse as when I was getting bullied, the teachers just told me to ignore it but that pretty hard- I was a child and being insulted all the time would drive any person mental. When I would stand up for myself, I was wrong, I was the bad guy. At my last job I got let go. They said I was a great person but among other things I was too codependent. I wanted to stand up for myself but all I could do was nod and say I understood, it was fine that I didn’t get any prior warning. I’m a perfectionist terrified to step one toe out of line, disappointing others. I feel responsible for others reactions. I can barely look others in the eye if I have to criticise them, have to cushion the blow by being jokey. My friends had to seriously push me to tell another flatmate to pull his weight. I was terrified that he’d act like my dad used to, angry and pulling the “if you think I’m such a bad person”. I’ve been exploited for my kindness, used as a doormat. My friends and family say that I’m such a nice person but there’s more to that. I’m a good person, but I’ve been moulded into an unhealthy, people pleasing perfectionist who is constantly bending over backwards to keep everyone smiling and happy, being the perfect student and employee. If I don’t achieve this, even slightly mess up- I feel like I’ve failed, a horrible feeling churns in my body, my perfect image is broken. I overthink, these situations where I mess up play over and over in my head like a horrible merry go round. I’m glad that now I’m older I have the capability to discover why I am like this but frustrated that I can’t seem to “fix” myself…

[riptupac]

Absolutely foul how real this is. It felt like she was talking ABOUT me. I love all of you fawn types you are all beautiful people I know its very hard sometimes

[Jellybean_]

This is my first time looking into this trauma type....and it really hit home for me. My parents divorced when I was 4, I was mostly with my mother until high school, so it was a long time of only seeing my dad every other weekend. Looking back, I realize I kind of became a counselor for my mom. Her negative emotions about my father, her job, money, food/her weight, my diet and weight, her friends/enemies/neighbors, etc were all fully exposed to me at a very very young age. Im not trying to point fingers but during this video that was all I could think about. I was so young and I was my mom's therapist and counselor. Now whenever I encounter the same situation, I become what I've grown to call "The Fixer". I have to fix everyones emotions and make sure theyre ok, while at the same time burying my own needs and wants and desires. I think this was a big reason that I got trapped in a 10 year relationship with an emotionally wounded, needy, narcissistic, toxic man. I'm out of it now thank GOD, but at the cost of nearly starving myself to death/consuming nothing but alcohol for months and on the verge of checking myself into a mental hospital. I'm convinced if I was still with him I would be either crazy or dead.

I will be watching your other videos. Thank you so much. To anyone reading; we do get better 💕💕

[Daimo]

I'm with you on the 'codependency is for substance abuse not attachment theory' train. I think a lot of people see overlap and exploit the market for content that bridges the gaps in all self help psychology fields.

[Arson-xj]

I literally feel more heard by you than any other therapist. Like I’m at 5:03 and I’m like “I love her” I wish you were my therapist. Genuinely because I’m trying to heal.

[dotsyjmaher]

I am so glad this is finally being discussed..there are a few REALLY good people online that have been very helpful to me..
I discovered you a couple of days ago and am binge watching...
You are OUTSTANDING...thank you for all your hard work..

[peggyschine]

Thank you so much! This is me. You have hit the nail on the head!. This is very enlightening for me. I will listen to this again and again. This is definitely my type. I wildly love you and the information you share. I am in my 70's (please don't judge) but just realizing how my childhood set me up! I am finally seeing clearly. 🙏 I have no idea how much more I will discover. 🙏

[ChaseHill-mxxp]

As a CPTSD boy, born and certified, I believe that she made excellent points in this video.

[SheriKovacs]

I was loved and had a pretty idyllic childhood. However starting before I even remember I refused to eat many foods. (Now know. As ARFID) and this caused difficulties in my relationships particularly with my parents. They loved me but I worried them. In the decades when I was growing up there was no help for or even acknowledgement of such things. So because I couldn’t be “a good girl@ in that way I became a fawn in other ways. I’m 65 now and seeing it and working on it at last. Thank you for your podcast and expertise.

[ehill]

Thank you for your comments about co-dependency -- so helpful. I've struggled with feeling condemned by that word for a long time. Would love to hear your thoughts on how we use these strategies together. I switched between freeze, fawn, and then flight. I guess the big deal is seeing and knowing when/why we are using these strategies so we can do something different.