Good Girl (or Boy) Syndrome #careeradvice #lifeadvice

[SENSEF]

My husband suffers from "good boy syndrome" so he waits around hoping to be noticed as a "good boy" to get raises and promotions, which is NOT how the real world works! If you're a "good boy" you get extra work, zero promotions or raises, and no one respects you so they treat you like a doormat. In the real world, you have to loudly advocate for yourself and grab your career by the horns and shake it until it gives you what you need.

[SKast]

This is deep. And so true. It’s like the saying “Don’t be too sweet or they’ll eat you”

[eikosato]

This is me😭😭😭
The smiley “why am I so depressed?” Is so relatable 😂😂😂

[glo-c]

this is actually true, I had the same problem and got severely depressed at 12-13. Finally broke free at 15 and the happiest I've been my whole life. I'm glad it didn't last longer than what it did. So live your life for you!

[cuygor]

This really hits you hard in adulthood. Cause in the real world, you’re not praised or given a cookie for doing everything right. The only rewards you get are people expecting you to fix everything, very little grace for screw ups, and if you’re REALLY lucky, financial security. But that last one is a huge IF. Then you do it all again, every day just so you can survive/keep what you have.

[breitfart]

THANK YOU!! it drives me insane when people tell my 4yo he’s so “good” for being easy and cooperative, which is not something he developmentally has control over. Even if we’re not explicitly told we’re bad for having complicated feelings, we fill in the blanks.

Once saw a meme that I loved that said “I hate when people ask me if my baby is a "good baby" like no he bets on illegal dog races and stabbed a kid at the playground”

[mashajacaranda]

The bright side to having a toxic family that never thought I was doing enough is that I understood I could never please them no matter what, so I started doing whatever the hell I want from a young age

[_Mars]

UGGGHHHH I feel this so hard! I was always praised for being the quiet, obedient one at school. I'm at work, I'm constantly praised about what a good job I'm doing, but I freak out at every little mistake I make, like it'll get me fired when I know for a fact that's not true.

[sophiedionne]

Yep. Me. Ended in depression. 3 times, 2 with medication. Lost my job for it too, unable to take the pressure. You have this sense of pleasing everyone around you despite what you want or what you need.
Started in high school when i noticed i was better in art class, or math. I had to excel. I have to do this better than anyone. I have to perform better. I have to do more.

My body: you have to take a break.

[amandabisby]

This hits harder than anything I’ve ever heard before. I read through materials on morality and politics in middle school because I felt the most important thing to explore growing up was the nature of “goodness” and how to be good rather than exploring myself. I felt reprehensible if I was ever mean or did something I felt was irrational or uncalled for.

As you said, I was told I was stellar my whole life and I would honestly say I had a dream life. Loving family, tons of friends, tons of opportunities…legitimately nothing to complain about. But I suffered mental health issues starting at middle school too that mirrored those of my friends who were in abusive or rough households. I felt guilty, like I was unappreciative whenever I was upset.

Unfortunately everything came to a head in college when all the accumulated stress triggered my bipolar disorder. My first (and so far only) manic episode was my twisted exploration of recklessly living without caring what other people thought. It makes me emotional just thinking of how I found such a devastating, self-destructive time strangely relieving and liberating.

As an adult, it’s like the curtain has been pulled aside. Now that I’m in the real world, I really DONT know who I am or what I want. I’m startled by how lost I am. I think it’s telling that you said “it’s not your job to be good” and my first thought was “what? Why wouldn’t it be? Shouldn’t that be everyone’s goal?”. Lots to think about, thank you.

[kohai]

As someone who is really really trying to please everyone but fails (I am autistic) the last messege somehow also encourages me. You are good enough. No matter if you are good enough for others.

[PotsandPansWhatsPotsandPans]

Thank god for strangers telling me I'm worthy, it's the only time I hear it and it does have an impact.

[loomonda]

This is exactly how I feel with my narcissistic mother. To this day, I still feel this inner urge to share my praises with her, so that she'll be proud/happy/get her approval in life. She has caused me and my family so much pain.

[johanncai]

Woah. As a mother of little humans I'm so glad I saw this. I'm going to be more mindful about holding my kids to the standard of "being good" & people pleasing ❤

[ellanorevannin]

I was the perfect amployee and was told by my boss she wanted four of me, and yet I only got a 2% or was it4% raise.
They nitpicked me on something that was not in my job desctription. But since i didn't stand up for myself they used it as an excuss to not give me the bigger raise i deserved.
I have since learned to say no. To stand up for myself. And the big key was letting myself be angry. That was it! I am careful what i do when angry, but i don't ignore the emotion anymore.
Justice needs anger. Without anger you don't have justice.
The second part was realizing ny own value. My time is valuable.

[SKyrim]

I really think there are more people THINKING they suffer from this than people ACTUALLY suffering from this

[toonybooper]

Eldest daughter syndrome too. Take care of everyone else, shoulder all responsibility, push my own needs aside for the sake of others, etc. Last few years I've been in my "villain" era lol. Really that just means I've been prioritizing my mental and physical health because I was falling apart by my mid-twenties 😮‍💨 Normally, this time of year, I'm coordinating with my family about holiday plans, baking and cooking as much in advance before the holiday, and then getting up about 4 AM day of to prepare a literal feast of made from scratch recipes. This year I am letting them reach out to me to make holiday plans. Hasn't happened yet, so I may be spending the holiday with my boyfriend's family who actually did bother to invite me to spend Thanksgiving together 🤷🏽‍♀️

[laurasmithnature]

I'm crying. This just landed at exactly the moment I needed it. Thank you 🥰.

[swevenoor]

Wow you just explained what I feel and haven't been able to pinpoint or understand in so long 😅
It's really hard to understand this when the syndrome comes from good intentioned people that love you

[nicoladawson]

That hits way too deep. 😢 Then you get the inevitable "your life is so great. Why are you depressed?"