The Golden Child Syndrome

It's tough of course not to have been loved much by one's parents; but there's a real challenge too in having been loved too much, or rather, admired in a stifling unreal way that lies at the core of what we call 'the golden child syndrome.' Golden children aren't - despite appearances - privileged at all; they suffer from the enormous burden of expectation placed on their too-young shoulders by over-eager parents.

FURTHER READING

“We are used to thinking of many of the psychological problems of adulthood as stemming from a lack of adequate love in our early years. We grow mentally unwell – prey to underconfidence, anxiety, paranoia and shame – because, somewhere in the past, we were denied the necessary warmth, care and sympathy. But there is another, more curious, and more subtle problem that may arise from childhood years: what we can term the Golden Child syndrome.”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Gemma Green-Hope

#TheSchoolofLife #GoldenChildSyndrome

[helenpatterson]

How cruel it was to hear..." What happened to you ? Everyone thought you would become a rocket scientist and you haven't done anything with your life."

[dragunovsvds]

I think the worst part of being a “gifted child” is that like, if a normal child gets a C in a test no one cares, but if the “smart one” gets a B- people will start to judge and other things, only because the smart one did not got the A+ like all the time.

[alanareynolds]

Shout out to all those golden children who used to get 100% in everything and never learnt how to actually work

[finding_aether]

Golden child: You are not loved for who you are, but what they imagine you to be. Its the same as not being loved.

[wanderingrandomer]

I've had people tell me "you're wasted working in a cafe. You should use your degree"
My response was "But I'm happy for once..."

[lauranight]

Was anyone else a "gifted child" when they were young and then grew up and realized the rest of the world had caught up?

[sadesimms]

It would’ve been interesting to hear how it affects the other siblings that aren’t the ‘golden child’ or have to live in the shadow of their sibling.

[emolgabear]

I’ve been praised for being smart, but now I cry when I can’t do something right away

[mehya]

When you start out as the "super gifted, talented kid", you almost get used to being good (and, for that matter, better than everyone else) at virtually anything. So when you're suddenly not the best, it feels like shit...

[akaunderdog]

"A life does not need to be golden in order to be valuable" how liberating is that!

[gibbygibson]

My sister is the golden child, and she’s broken down over the last year.

She dropped out of school. Lost all her friends. Quit her job and refuses to look for a new one. She is depressed.

And my parents are too easy on her to try and get her help, or convince her to get a job and punish her when she’s done something wrong.

And this video perfectly explains why she’s broken down.

[tmanchu]

The weirdest thing is how the gifted child ends up being extremely hard on themself. But that breakdown is inevitable. The prayer is it brings a higher level of self awareness.

[unleashingpotential-psycho]

Having a healthy adult hood requires balance during childhood of receiving both discipline and praise. Too much of anything will cause problems.

[sidneylasley]

Oh to be a "golden child" that was/is consistently praised for being " gifted, talented, genius, incredible, etc. ", while also being torn down and questioned when you aren't successful *all the time* questioning why I'm not "smart" anymore yet still stuck with my golden child reputation in high school

[CnSComedy]

Funny how everyone in this comment section was “smart” or so they were told. However, once they realized they were no different than any other person it shattered the illusion that their parents built up.

[oldmanjenkins]

Being “smart” is tough, because people always expect you to do well. But that’s all I know, academics. I have no real experience in actual physical work, it’s mainly academic. I’m scared that when I become and adult I won’t be the successful person they expect me to be. It just puts a lot of pressure on me.

[bluetulip]

Since the day I was born I was always praised by my whole family, told how special I was, told I was very very VERY highly intelligent, how I'd change the world, etc. My parents never grounded me, got me everything I asked for. Overall I was always treated as the smartest and most beautiful being on Earth. I was always expected to be the best at EVERYTHING, and my family reminded me all the time.

They still do.

Reality hits people at one point, and that was college for me. Such a horrible realization. I am now very depressed, and I'll admit that I am incredibly dependent on people, I have breakdowns after any small fail.

Please, parents, don't spoil your children, don't lie to them, don't let love blind you from being honest to your children and giving them reality checks. Life is miserable when you realize you're not really a God.

[Hipppogrifff]

I’ve just recently started to realize how too much praising in my childhood has screwed me up mentally as an adult. I’ve become a perfectionist, always having unrealistic expectations from myself and always trying to build that perfect image of myself in the minds of everyone I meet. It’s so exhausting and nerve wrecking.

[DeathSensei]

Otherwise known as the "my baby is so smart. He's gonna be a doctor" syndrome.

Edit: I hope everyone can figure their problems out. I made this comment out of my own experience of being stressed into engaging into a field I was passionate about, but soon grew to hate from the stress put onto me by my parents. I hope everyone who feels this way can find some type of peace or serenity. Find yourself and your true passion, love yourself for what you want to be and not what others expect you to be, and keep striving. I'm still trying to do just that. I find glimpses of finding inner peace and true passion, but it fleets away here and there.I'm sure I'll soon find it and so will all of us. I love you all and can understand your fears and stress. Please, find a way to keep going and find happiness.

[GoldenVulpes]

I'm watching this as a young mom. I'm so impressed by everything my toddler does, it's really hard not to give praise for everything he does. It's something I'll have to watch in my own behavior to not expect him to always be expectional. Because I really do love him the way he is and will be.