A Controversial Look at the reality Behind the 'INFJ Doorslam'

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The INFJ Writer: Cracking the Creative Genius of the World’s Rarest Type

Firefly Magic: Heart Powered Marketing for Highly Sensitive Writers

The INFJ Revolution: Reclaim Your Power, Live Your Purpose, Heal the World

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Between the Shadow and Lo

West Is San Francisco

[Test-wipt]

The main reason I door slam is I get fed up with having to act dumb!

[uckBayNguyen]

When the party no longer share your interest, have anything in common, uninspiring, and mock your convictions, is time to move on. Life is too short not to detach

[suefluger]

I feel like the ‘disconnect’ comes from realizing I was attached to potential and not to reality. When I finally let go of trying to nurture something that someone else doesn’t mutually want, it is a very decisive ‘Ok’.

[Curious]

“You've got to learn to leave the table
When love's no longer being served".

[deborahwolff]

I have done the door slam on a few people and I'm glad I did it. No one needs toxic, dysfunctional people in our lives.

[terransnaturesoul]

Pretty sure these door slams hurt us more than them. There is such a huge grieving process, needing to walk away from people we still deeply care for. But we truly do seem to recognize on some level when that relationship is not, and never will be, healthy. To get to a place of not attracting this in the first place is ideal, and can save everyone a lot of pain. Thanks so much. 🙂

[pablofmfdoc]

We sometimes "slam the door to protect the other person from our wrath"!

[Dagm]

It's a strong realization of us as we reflect in our own mirrors. I believe it's mostly it's about us being angry with ourselves for allowing an abuse in the first place. Having been hurt, we become hard on ourselves and experience guilt for getting blind sided again. I've learned to always take responsibility, receive the lesson, and don't keep making the same mistake. Thanks again Lauren! ❤

[mindhunterasmr]

I am an INTJ and I can say I have done this several times before, and I will do this today if need be. The person on the receiving end might feel completely blindsided by me cutting all ties with them but the thing is -- for me it never comes out of the blue but it is a result of a calculated process that begins once I spot a pattern. It sounds cold, but if I feel like a certain relationship becomes a hassle more than it benefits me then they're gone, without so much as an explanation because I had already done the work internally.

[dseer]

We teach people how to treat us.
After a while an INFJ has to develop self awareness and look at ourselves as a possible source of our own pain.
We don't give to be worthy of love/esteem we give because we have esteem/love.

[mck]

Something happens & the other is ‘actually aware’ but they are so used to their nonsense, they think it will slide one more time, except they are not gonna make the drawdown this time.

[jennamontierth]

I've never heard anyone describe this pattern so articulately; this is the most understood I've ever felt. The "doorslam" has caused so much emotional turmoil for me over the years.. I'm glad to finally start to understand myself a little better.

[Nyad]

It's a pleasing problem. We sacrifice ourselves instead of standing up or pointing where something has been done that we're not happy with. It takes a lot of conscious growth to get assertive for ourselves in these ways. For others this is easy for us to stand up for them and point out how they are being taken advantage of or their boundaries pushed.
Allowing things to bottle up and then we explode is a problem that we must take responsibility for. We must communicate better, though granted the other person often simply doesn't get it and we realize it's time to slam that door.

[halfamo]

OMG!!! I didn't know door slamming was something ANYONE else did!!! When you started saying "They see..." that was...everything!

[annee]

I just did this 2 weeks ago. I knew that I was only gonna be able to entertain family for Saturday and I ended up entertaining them for both Sat-Sun at a party. Originally I told them that I was only gonna see them on Saturday and I ‘uh’ forgot my plan. 😂 Two full days with family was to much and at the end of the day Sunday I started looking to my husband to pour into my cup (this was unconscious of course). He was tired too and I didn’t realize that and got mad at him for not making me feel better(I was drained). Next day I realized it was my fault. 😅If only I coulda stuck with my original plan and entertained only one day, I woulda been fine. Set your boundaries and live your truth.

[Birthdaycakesmom]

I always have one foot on the other side of the door and once you cross that line, bye. These people are very toxic that I’ve done this too. Once I’m ready, I drop the connection like it’s nothing. I’d say I spend a lot of time on a subconscious level preparing myself to go cold turkey.

[sofja_to]

The doorslam thing is quite harsh, but it has been like a last resort for me. I've felt bad for doing it most of the time, but eventually it got easier, as I figured it was a rational and safe thing to do. What I have discovered lately, is another thing - not a doorslam, more like gently closing the door, because you can't take the pain anymore. It's like when you know for sure that the relationship is never gonna be the same anymore, because the other person doesn't have interest, or something else may have ruined things.. you don't really have anything against the person in order to slam the door, but leaving the door open keeps you in more pain, still waiting for something that who knows, may never come back. So you decide that it's better to just gently close the door and stop waiting, even if you still want to communicate with the person who is left on the other side of the door.

[publiusvelocitor]

People on the receiving end don't ask about it, because they probably don't know to frame it in the vocabulary of MB personality types, they probably don't know what an INFJ Doorslam is, and they probably don't know their friend was INFJ.

There is plenty online about "why did I get ghosted?", and many of these are INFJ door-slamees.

[atum]

Your explanation of the "INFJ doorslam" was masterful

[johnstorton]

The first two minutes explained it perfectly. I started seeing these videos about the INFJ door-slam, and it confused me. It sounds like an angry, hostile reaction, but I'm not that way! Then she explained what it is. As it turns out, I've committed many door-slams, but I see them more as simple walk-aways. It's a feeling not of being angry, so much, but more of a feeling of being hurt or unwanted/unappreciated. Walking away seemed to be something that benefits them, as well as me.