Trapped in Failure and Self-Sabotage - Complex Trauma Prisons

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Many people from Complex Trauma have been made to feel like a failure, and failure is their default setting; and now, without realizing it, something in their subconscious brain sabotages anything successful in their life so that they return to failure. What is this about and how do we change it?

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Chapters
00:00 Introduction
03:50 Questions to ask yourself
06:30 Causes and origins
16:30 Characteristics of the failure life trap
24:20 Dangers in recovery
33:00 Healing

[odelyayasmine]

I feel so blessed to be born into a time where this is free and accessible. Generational curses finally being broken. God bless

[petertordjunehag]

This is me. I was born with musical talent, high iq and generally gifted. When I was 23 i was in law school. Now im 41 and a chef, actually a failure of a chef, jumping from job to job, making trouble, beeing impossible. I write poetry that noone ever will read. I still read about the world everyday, writing, thinking, talking. No contact with my N-dad for 2, 5 years, and im so slowly starting to realize me true potentials again. Alone and lonely, longing for connections, but assuming they will Hurt more than give, sabotaging good things before emotional investment, before my hopes can even be crushed. Ive smoked alot of pot, just existing day to day to day. These videos makes me understand myself so much. Thx Tim ❤

[CharlotteOCph]

It feels like it’s an invisible wall of resistance that appears when I start to feel good and excited. It stops me from moving forward and kind of keeps me down.

[Muck-qyoo]

Success also involves other people. And people like us have enough of other people.

[skjelm]

This one was for me. I am still in this prison. The weird thing about it is, there is no feel of "lesser prison" or that it gets better in progress. There is prison, or there isn't.
I am glad to hear from you, that it seems that I already came a long good way and to summarize what I already achieved to escape. Stopped smoking a decade ago, skipped perfectionism even longer ago, self-criticism changed, still there but not in that dark cloth, changed eating habits constantly finding the best for me, talking to my inner self - right at the root of the problem... still entrapped in the distractions, still overwhelmed to get my living space right to go on, still isolated don't know to find the right people, who not to try to use me as a psychological trash can.
But I see my tunnel I digged, the cracks in the wall, the lockpicks I made ready, the watch bribed and talked to... still in the prison. I cannot run out, feel like a snail - but thanks to you going forward. Head to the sun. Knowing I'll get out.
Thanks Tim, you helped again a lot lot!

[montereyspike]

In my, "family of origin", it was not safe to be too good. I was an athlete, and my Father was really proud of me UP TO A CERTAIN POINT. However, once I began to get more attention and was featured on the front of the local newspaper, it was obvious how his jealousy, envy, rage and sabotage of my and my sports career then ensued. At the time, my mind could not accept the truth of the situation, that he saw me as his enemy and he did not want me to be happy nor successful. Anyhow, now I still struggle with the internal-programming and I'm over 50 years old, been to therapy for over a dozen years. The worst part is that I now do these kinds of things to my own self and that, now, the enemy lurks within me. It's me against the twisted, "anti-me" that they groomed me for so long to be.

[judepamment]

I just celebrated 2yrs sobriety yesterday ...this is perfect timing for to heal this and stay on course. I was in a cult of brainwashing, patriarchy and no need for education beyond high school so my " fear of failure" is strong but my sabotage is strong too. Thank you Tim 🌻💜💯👍🏻

[EmilyAdams_theAltaCreative]

I’ve accepted this is who I am. I avoid relationships because at this point, I can barely get past hello.

[mnoxman]

I like hanging out with smart people. It makes me smarter. Ergo I am the dumb one in the room.
Failure is the default option as it is conditioned in to you that surviving your Narcissistic parent is dependent upon being the smallest thing in the room. Even if that parent wanted you to be "smart" it was a trap for later that they would used to belittle you.

[aceshigh]

fantastic episode!! my takeaways:

- believing that i'm stupid, completely changes/sabotages the approach i use to learning
- limbic system creates inaccurate perceptions (emotions aren't facts)
- the difference between self pity and self compassion
- i need to work on understanding the difference between procrastination and needing to take a break because i need time to process what i just did or i lack skills/knowledge to move ahead and need to search for an answer

[gingerale_day]

I needed to hear this. It helps to hear him voice what it's like with empathy because this has been so painful.

[aquariusstar]

Thank you, Tim. Knowing the triggers of self-sabotage is helpful. I've caught some of these patterns in myself lately and wondered why I do them and why it is so hard for me to override them. It is a constant battle to stay on track and not get pulled under by the unconscious undertow of childhood trauma. I never made the connection with the limbic brain and it's machinations in the manner you describe them.

The timing of this is perfect because I felt upset amd angry earlier because my mother killed my artistic ambitions and drive as a child and it makes me sad because even as an adult I haven't been able to allow myself the pleasure of developing my talents and doing the things I know I was once good at.

[fatherburning]

Thanks Tim. Im confronting this issue presently. Its very difficult. It feels intolerable and dangerous. I feel one mistake away from living in the gutter, homeless. Its a terrifying but also comfortable feeling because ive been there before. If all else fails i am good at surving failing. 💩🤦🏆

[mirjama]

Unconditional love is the answer for the entire planet. I recently am aware that my true self is it, the treasure. No more hiding. 🎉

[gulliver]

Thank you very much Tim, much appreciated! One thing I would like to add to your list of why people get caught in failure prisons is the death of a parent. My father died when I was 5 and for some reason I felt that because he died, I was a "not have". I felt that it was ordained by God that I didn't deserve anything and consequently did badly in school etc. It took a lot of work to uncover that feeling. What is even harder, is to overcome it.

[TMH]

😳😳 I’m doing so many of these things right now! I’m a bit dissociated. The staying up late bc everything is quiet, totally isolating. I’m also injured on workman’s comp so things are stressful and different anyway. Just had a private investigator follow me and that was triggering. I’m in therapy healing and I hear these videos and I make notes of what I’m doing. I never realized I’ve been sabotaging almost everything in my life! 😵‍💫

[alexxx]

Self-sabotage is also due to the fear of change and destroying previous core beliefs. Because what core beliefs provide us, whatever they are? Stability, security, predictability. Without them the inherent unpredictability of existence might be too much to bear.

[jonathan]

Work environments require a certain amount of masking to fit into the culture and to adopt the values of that work environment. As a result, work environments don't feel totally safe or secure as you can't be yourself, and they're also high-performance environments, which further exacerbates it. What is the definition of safe and secure in the case of work?

[FriendlyACOnline]

I’m on the worst bender of my life at the moment. So sleep deprived, idk what time it is, forgetting what day it was, nearly full isolation at this point, risky behaviors. Nobody knows either, they just know I’m feeling super depressed. This video might have just saved my life. Obviously I’m in a very distorted state of mind right now but I feel like this video just turned on the light switch and showed me what damage I had done while I couldn’t see. It’s like I knew I was doing all of this, I could just never catch it in the light. I feel armed with the power to free myself from this prison. And right now i actually don’t feel like everything was my fault, and it’s so much more intricate to narrow things down rather than see in extremes. I love all of you. I hope we all walk free someday

[Lazy-Eye-Joel]

Tim, you're such a life saviour. Thank you for who you are and all your information.

For years it's been a lonely war, but finally I broke the paradox of isolation and reached out for help. I'm done to keep running into myself and am learning to accept some things about myself and learn how to change it.

This right here, this prison of failure really hits the target. Currently I'm in scheme therapy, getting in touch with all my protective modes and my inner child. It's immense how many I've stored away and disconnected from, it's all coming now in a flood. Luckily I've been blessed with a good social ring around me, and this, your work really helps. It gives perspective, answers and finally some recognition for something I could not put into words for so long.

Bless you❤