Can Men And Women Be Just Friends? What Science Says

Can men and women be just platonic friends without things becoming romantic or sexual?

Is it okay to become suspicious or jealous of your partner's opposite gendered partners?

I took a dive in to the scientific research on the complex topic of male and female friendships to see what if my gut instinct on the matter is right, or whether I've been wrong my entire life.

1:1 Zoom Coaching Sessions With Damien:

0:00 Intro
0:50 Male / Female Friendships Are Culturally New
1:50 What % Become Complicated
2:51 Why Men Struggle More Than Women
4:51 Should You Be Jealous?
6:01 How To Keep Friendships Platonic

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School Of Attraction

Dating And Relationship Coach

[selfaware]

My biggest thing when it comes to hearing arguments about this. 100% is the simple fact that women are almost always more intelligent, open to discussing emotion, and easier to speak to. There are two things that should raise your flags and tell you to retreat immediately: they flirt with you or they complain about their partner to you. I would not recommend seeing them outside of your group. Thats a bad look even if you have honest intentions. Someone else had mentioned it here it the comments that is spot on. Finding a good friend is rare and we should focus on the quality of the person pertaining to the friendship instead of the gender

[radekduszynski]

Good insight, nice research behind the bro science ;) I share the same sentiment - men should have female friends. I also understand how boundary setting is important, because the moment you start going deep into vulnerable topics, intimacy increases. And so does the connection and attraction. Finally, at least from my experience, it's easier if you're not physically attracted to your female friend, like - totally out of your preferences...

[socraticproblem]

I disagree. There are men, such as myself, who catch feelings. I have wanted to remain platonic. It feels like a inner-conflict.

[EntertheFray]

If the science suggests that men and women generally can't be friends, and trying to have friendships creates issues for romantic relationships, I don't think you're really making a compelling argument that men and women should in fact be friends. I'd even say the opposite here - if the science is showing that men/women friendships are damaging to romantic relationships, which are the number. 1 most important thing for humans to form for a healthy and successful family, we should be accepting that and embracing it. Not pushing an ideal when evidence shows that ideal to be somewhat damaging.

I do agree that boundaries are a good workaround to some extent. But me personally, I'd rather people just accept things for what they are, instead of trying to force ideals that are damaging. If it's a bad ideal, it shouldn't be pushed. Overall the conclusion I'm taking is that men and women generally can't be friends, and if they are, it needs to be with some thorough boundaries.

[stephanieherman]

i am a man and i have never ever had a male friend. all my friends are female. it is very easy to be just friends, especially if you are both not very attractive. out of my friends i only ever had romantic interest in one, but that stopped when i got to know her better and now she is my best friend i ever had.

[gg]

I think you nailed it with setting boundaries for yourself and them. I've had many sexual relations with friends and it's generally no issue as long as both of you know what you want from it and what you want after it. I think men generally get less practice when it comes to communicating their emotions because it's generally frowned upon but it has made all of my relations so much simpler and easier. I feel like a portion of the issue is that people that have a hard time having friends of the opposite sex don't see the opposite sex as "equals". Because we know from gay men and women and bi people that attraction isn't the issue. You would never say gay women can't have female friends and bi people can't have friends at all. That hypothesis would also explain why this is less of an issue in cultures where there is more gender equality

[martintheguitarist]

I have male and female friends. You find a good friend only once in a while. My suggestion is to focus on the qualities that matter ie trustworthy, reliable, etc, instead of gender.

[BRBallin]

Absolutely they can. But usually not unless the girl is more of a package deal in a wider friend group.

[annaradford]

I would think they can be friends with each other. I also have to be aware of my own patterns which makes it feel can't stay just friends with someone which might just mean I crave something from a man. Still it might just be that find it hard to call anyone my friend which might just be a big thing to work on and think about. Hope others have way more interesting replies.

[TheAbd]

I am not sure about the methodology of the studies or sample sizes. But I also think that considering only straight relationships between men and women might be limiting our insight into this topic. Also, we have implicitly assumed a narrow definition of friendship or romance. For context, I am very much an asexual spectrum male and find sex a chore unless I really feel comfortable with someone.
I mostly have female friends with whom I have deep emotional connections. For me, it was a personal journey with very limited sexual feelings. It's hard to differentiate between friends and romantic relationships. So when I date someone, it is very close to something I would do with friends. So, for me, I just have to chat with my friend, and then we just decide what we are, and ok with our friendship or relationship does not have to look a certain way. For example, I am okay with giving intimate touch to my friends if they are having a breakdown, etc. I also do this with my male friends if they are comfortable, and it tends to trigger the same part of the brain that goes that's a dateable personality but doesn't have any sexual attraction.

Second, consider my bisexual male friend; he has sexual and romantic feelings with some of his male and female friends. Going by the logic, we cannot be friends if we have romantic or sexual feelings, then this person cannot have male or female friends he has sexual feelings for?

Anyway, I point out that my studies are good, but their interpretation is limited by many factors. The only way to work things practically is to learn to set boundaries that help or support both people to take the actions they think are best.

I hope this helps create a good discussion. I am not an expert in any of this. I am also happy to be correct if I am completely incorrect or have a biased view.

[michaeljeacock]

yes, you can be friends but you do sometimes run into the mere exposure effect.

[saymen]

My Ex reads books about humans transforming into animals and "claiming" female humans. She used to read them in class. I was absolutely shocked after reading a random page.

[AAscension]

Great video! I can see the quality of your videos rising the last year 😁.

Could you tell me what microphone you are using? It sounds great.

[OopsOfAlley]

It is much more plausible for platonic relationships to exist when the parties are sufficiently polarized in objective physical attraction levels. In other words, one is significantly "hotter" than the other.

There also should be some utility to the relationship outside of emotional intimacy. That's what I've observed in my experience of relationships, my own and peers.

[VNBSlash]

I got female friends where neither of ys ever had feelings for each other but again these are ladies I've known this school. I'm in my mid thirties now.

[DarkoWeingerl]

I liked your episode with Captainese and I am wondering if you only offer courses in English? Thank you.

[Straga_Severa_]

The question should be different.
It should not be "Can men and women be friends", but "Why would you have female friends and spend a lot of effort to not become something more?".

What is the objective? Why do you need them?

[ElhadjDiallo-ii]

Men and women are supposed to be making babies in the bedroom not just hanging out as buddies so HELL TO THE NO, no friendship 😂

[ryanmcphail]

I just found you're one video on why don't woman reply on tinder/hinge and I'm gonna try you're idea about the messaging part.

I'll be honest though man I could really use you're help I have POF, ZOOSK, HINGE, MATCH, Facebook dating and I don't get likes, I hardly get any messages and I can send 20 out and nothing. I don't know what doing wrong and I have basic photos. I don't have alot with me doing stuff unfortunately to use and the ones I do, are told old well over a couple of years. Most have to be selfie so their current and seeing the real me.

Anyway to help me would be awesome cause I would like to find that special someone but I'm getting to a point I'm done chasing and with work and my daughter I don't have time do it the old fashion way and go out.