How To Motivate Lazy Young Adults

Do you ever find yourself being driven mad by your young adult because they do nothing? No, I don't mean you're being irrational, it's just that they literally do nothing! Frustrated parents, I hear you. In today's episode, I'll be giving you easy tips on how you can motivate your young ones so stay tuned!

00:12 What to expect in today's video
00:45 Lose the lazy
03:25 Communication before consequences
05:35 Three distinct messages to communicate
08:30 Unfluffing the nest

Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins

WHAT TO WATCH NEXT
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How To Be Good At Adulting

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LINKS & RESOURCES
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MUSIC
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Track: Kisma - We Are [NCS Release]
Music provided by NoCopyrightSounds.
Licensed under Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0

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Video by Nate Woodbury

#LiveOnPurpose
#PositiveParenting

[riverafamily]

My 20 and 24 year old sit around all day, every day and work a couple days a week. They refuse to clean up after themselves, care for their animals properly, do any chore or pay any bill. I've gone through 3 kidney surgeries, 5 hospitalizations for sepsis, breast cancer and now covid in the past 3 years. Despite being as sick as I've been, they continue to destroy my home and won't do their part. Not even washing their dishes. I've tried and tried and even worked with 3 therapists. These kids are using up my resources and I'm too tired to keep up. I can't keep holding them up. But they, like their father also have PDA. So I have 3 people draining me. I love them immensely which is why I feel so stuck. But this will put me "in an early grave" as per my therapist.

Every penny they earn they spend on stuff and they hoard like crazy. As a way to escape, i rented an office because I can't afford a 2nd mortgage. Anything to get me away from their chaos. I'm so desperate. I don't mind them living here if they would.just pull their own weight. I dont ask for more than their own weight. I'm trying to get them up to the level of bare minimum.

And legally, I can evict them and that is a process. but what parent can truly evict their own child? For survival I may have to I don't have the resources to keep holding them and their habits up.

I'm breaking apart at age 46 and the house is literally falling apart. 4adults living in this house and i am the only one bringing in resources and caring for the home while they create more issues with the home and watch videoa all day and sleep.

[wulfclaw]

Sorry Doc. When a person has no sight, I call them a Blind person. When a person is straight up lazy, I call them, Lazy. There's no point in calling a frog a duck either.
You wete right in that's what people were searching for. It's because Lazy is LAZY !
Having had many conversations it just doesn't matter. If they choose to not give a damn, they won't give a damn. They want something for nothing and feel they are somehow entitled. It's insane.

[LonjeMarie]

I absolutely love this I know a person who is doing many many things somebody called this person lazy I said you should not call that person lazy because they’re not, the one area that you want them to do stuff and you cannot expect them to live up to your expectations. This person is carrying a very, very very heavy load work, school ETC ETC so it’s not fair to call that person lazy and like you said labels determine how we treat the person.

[ND-hgui]

You're right doctor, we belittle our teens thinking that it's going to do them good by telling them"not to be lazy". This only demotivates them. Thanks for the advice.

[Arrian]

Brilliant, I felt a lot more empowered after watching this recap, on stuff I already know. Will listen to this again tomorrow before 'wading in'.

[khattiimly]

We are Consultants
1- I love you no matter what.
You are important. I value you
2- If you have any questions ask.
You know that thing you’re dealing with..I have some thoughts but I don’t want to burden you.
3- you’re an adult. Good luck!
Motivate:
Unfluff the nest so it’s not too comfy.
Thanks!

[RLSCS]

“Unfluff the nest”. I like that. Do you have a video specific to this subject?

[paranoiarpincess]

I'm just coming out of being a young adult, and I wanted to watch this to help my fiance be more motivated to do stuff. Not because I think he's lazy... or rather, lazy isn't really a bad word in my house. We just use the term to mean we don't want to do whatever it is.

Anyway, when the video started, I was all ready to start getting offended with the us vs them language, but kept watching and was pleasantly surprised with what you had to say!

As someone who, while I was a young adult, often had a hard time being taken seriously, I REALLY appreciate that you use language people who treat young adults poorly, use, to tell them to reflect on themselves instead of forcing their opinions onto others.

I watch Dr. Mike, and something he said once really stuck with me. It was about the whole vaccination thing, and how when talking to Anti-vaxxers, using language they understand, and using anecdotes, will go further than science and reason. It taught me that if you want to truly effect change within the mindset of others, first you need to connect with them. I really feel that in this video! I feel like you will change the thinking and actions of so many people by approaching the topics you did, in this way, and that is a huge thing.

THANK YOU!

[myriamm]

Doctor, Your Thumbnails are getting funnier every time you download, even before clicking I'm already having fun. This one is gold...

[glenhampson]

That’s great advice, however…what if it’s your daughter, her boyfriend and your granddaughter living in your basement and seemingly getting nowhere.

[seekingthelost]

Thank you for the correction. You explain things in such a sweet and understanding way. Many blessings.

[tammywyse]

Un-fluff the nest! Thats exactly what I’m going to do

[leannestrong]

Maybe some of us are THAT young adult who seems unmotivated, but we really aren't unmotivated AT ALL. What about those young adults who are looking at jobs with companies that will not allow them to have a say in (or even inform them of) which location they will be working at before they are hired? This means that they could be working just a few towns over, or they could be working several hours away. Their commute could be anywhere from a 5 minute walk to a 5 hour flight. If this is the case, then it may be that they feel like it might be too stressful, or unsensible to move into one house or apartment, only to find out shortly thereafter, that they have been chosen for a position several hours away, and will have to pack up and move again. This is the case with me, and so I'm waiting to move out until I know more about where I'm going to be. I'm currently working at a grocery store, and I do buy a large portion of my own groceries, and sometimes I will even ask my parents if there is anything they need or want, and I will buy it for them. I also like to make dinner for my parents on occasion, so that they can have a night off from cooking.

[henflash]

Thanks for this video. How do you help an adult who's gaming a lot, failing exams in university & repeating a second time?

[JosephineDeSmet]

I don't wanna use the L word for my partner. But he's unmotivated to perform basic ''tasks'' like ''brushing teeth'', ''waking up on time'', ''drinking water'' how do I motivate him for this

[theagoartstudio]

I'm listening to this because I'm worried with my brother. However, my parents does not know what to do with him anymore 🤔🙄

[gordocarbo]

The coddling effect doesnt work. Charge them rent, tell them when they are 18 they are gone wether they are ready or not .
I left before then . Parents allow this so it will continue.

[retaliationeffort]

I’m only here because my roommate has been without a job since March and he plays video games and sleeps all day instead of focusing on finding a job.. and as a full time worker, I’m becoming sick of it.

[shannonkiehn]

Thank you for this video! What do you do when you are tied financially to your child and their irresponsibility? For example, my husband co-signed on his son's student loan years ago. My stepson has defaulted many times on the loan so it cannot be refinanced out of my husband's name. His son moved out of town with his girlfriend in October and has still not gotten a job. That is his business but he has not made any student loan payments and doesn't seem to care or be motivated to do so or just get any job. Should we make these payments for him or pay his loan and have him owe us? My husband's credit is suffering terribly over this and its causing a lot of stress...

[dkhealing]

We are hitting a brick wall with R2 20 something adults can’t hold jobs because they choose to High School, putting themselves in financial jeopardy, but not pay their bills yet they want to come in our house