I’m Afraid To Stand Up For Myself (It’s Affecting My Marriage)

I’m Afraid To Stand Up For Myself (It’s Affecting My Marriage)

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[traceycurtis]

This is usual for people who were punished every time they spoke up as kids.

[lynnebucher]

Parents who shut down a child's attempt at self expression create this problem. My father was harsh about it in his tone of voice and word choices.

[carnivoreRon]

The man is in danger of losing his marriage. His wife will begin to lose respect for him because she will feel he does not have her back. Trust will be broken. She will eventually leave and I couldn't blame her.

[raspberrykissable]

I used to be this way. It felt like life or death to speak up. I would never stand up for myself and people walked all over me. My dad was very short tempered growing up and I felt like a burden. I grew up in a war zone and both my parents were in survival mode. I can’t be too mad at them but they definitely made mistakes that affected me greatly. We have a great relationship now. I stepped into my power a few years ago by healing my trauma in a various ways. I now speak up it comes naturally I don’t even think about it. No one can walk all over me and I probably go overboard with being protective of myself but I much rather be like that then then being weak. My life is so much better and more fulfilling than before. You can break the cycle it takes time, awareness, and practice. You sound like a wonderful person you just need to step into your power.

[lmlmlmlm]

This guy seems like a real sweetheart. My brother is like him- mild- mannered and docile by nature, and way too over-protected by our mom growing up. I guess seeing what a tender boy my brother was/is my mom’s instinctive protective nature was always on over-drive, and in his early years this may have been warranted. But my mom should have allowed my brother to experience pain and grow and develop. He is now a 40 year extremely weak and passive man. Sometimes parents unintentionally clip their child’s wings off.

[starlingswallow]

You learned by watching your mom. I did too. 😞 You can heal! It's possible, man, promise.

[smustipher]

This dude is STRUGGLING. I relate to where he's coming from. I was a doormat for many years. Over time I learned, little by little to speak up. Now I have absolutely no problem letting someone know when I need something or am displeased about a situation. It takes practice, it can be done, and life goes way smoother now as a result.

[dess]

I’m only half way through this call and I can already feel the tears building up because what this caller is describing is exactly how I lived my life for 27 years and under the control of my parents, more so my mom. It’s be three years since I broke free from that control but i am still struggling with not feeling like a burden to others around and acknowledging that my feelings are valid. I often describe myself as a pushover because I can’t seem to stand up for myself.

[starrjohnson]

I grew up in a narcissistic household. My family(including aunts, uncles and grandparents) always controlled my decisions. I gained the confidence to move away. I also joined a gym and watched motivation videos. I set clear boundaries with my family. I stick up for myself and I stick up for others! I can't stand bullies!

[belladonnabudgets]

I feel for the caller. I have very weak boundaries and have many failed attempts to stand up for myself. I wish him all the best in progressing to be a strong assertive person!!

[waybogus]

I definitely think learning martial arts would go a long way for this guy. I've never met a fighter who had problems standing up for themselves.

[elizabetha]

Jordan peterson has tons of talks that could help out this young man.

[ThaBloodWitch]

I felt this call more than I expected. Not as bad as this guy, but there was an incident with a family member last year that made me deeply uncomfortable and I regret so much not just getting up and walking away. It was awful.

[jaqueitch]

As Jordan Peterson has said, it is better to be a monster and control your emotions and actions, rather than being weak and never being a threat to begin with.

The easy road is to try and make everyone else happy. Challenge yourself to be stronger and keep the power in check.

[margie]

Oh, this call was for me!!!! I'm gonna start my 60 days of practice TODAY!!!! Thank you Dr Deloney!!

[ithinkigottalent]

Reframe it. It doesn't have to be a confrontation and you can have a conversation to get an understanding of the other person's pov or context. You never know what people are dealing with until you have a conversation with them and . . .you can be light about it (instead of significant). Join your local Toastmasters - we'd be happy to practice with you.

[lithiumike]

I never have a problem speaking up when needed and often find people that don't like it. I don't have it as bad as you do, but I downplay others bad behavior when seeking advice and that almost cost me my life years ago. I couldn't wrap my head around people at church excusing my exes mother's actions and how nearly everyone was pushing it onto me to either fix or work on myself.

After that relationship and a suicide attempt all the help I received finally got to me that it wasn't "all my fault". I still don't understand how people can be so damaging but that's whatever.

Stop beating yourself up and overthinking when you feel you need to speak up. If someone can't handle you speaking up or they throw it in your face, that person is not good for you unless the dynamic changes. Speaking up alone is never the problem.

[rebeccaoprea]

This guy has been walked on all his life . I can relate, I’m non confrontational . Nice people get used and walked on the most . Bullies get their way almost always through intimidation.

[Lextriplef]

I’m working through this too. Therapy has helped

[SK]

He should definitly join a brizilian jiu jitsu gym. I've been training for 5 years and it's been the most fun I've ever had in a physical exercise setting. In about a year he'll be able to strangle anyone much bigger and and stronger than him pretty much unless the bigger guy also trains lol. What John said is 100% true you train so you never have to get physical with somone on the street. I've never had to nor desired to.