How to make INFJs feel loved

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[PeterJohnson-rhhi]

Loving INFJs is a topic that lights a fire in my belly. I am an ENFP, and 100% of my romantic relationships have been with INFJs. I'd like to start my Nessay with a list of rookie mistakes I've made that I don't want others to make themselves:
1. Never insult an INFJ, even playfully. They will think about it for months afterwards.
2. When an INFJ tells you someone/something really matters to them, don't be flippant of that. It takes a lot of effort for them to acknowledge their personal interests.
3. You mustn't casually make a promise to an INFJ. Reneging on promises will bring out an INFJ's anger, despair, or fear in a highly visible way, which (again) is really hard for them. Additionally, never commit a promise in an INFJ's name.
4. Avoid assuming an INFJ is okay. They tend to mask their pain by default, so frequently check up on them by asking them when you are alone. This will typically be appreciated whether they actually were okay or not.
In closing, I'd like to address the INFJs who managed to read this far. You're so beautiful and wonderful, I appreciate you so much wherever I find you. You see deeper into the depths of my soul than anyone else. I spend so much of my life wrangling challenge and struggle, but whenever I'm with you I'm ensconced in comfort and peace. Writing this paragraph has brought tears to the corner of my eyes. I want you to be happy and secure in who you truly are, because you do that for me and I'm so thankful for it.
Love,
ENFP

[ENFPwcapranica]

As an ENFP with an INFJ friend, I can confirm that the reason we have such a good relationship is because we really TRY to understand each other. Even if I don’t get where she’s coming from, I ask her questions about it to understand her more. And I give her examples of how I can relate to her experience or thoughts. Even if I can’t relate EXACTLY, I try to think of the next similar thing to help me understand where she’s coming from. And it works the other way around. As an ENFP, I want people to be as excited about the things I’m excited about and share interest in at least ONE of my obsessions. And even thought my INFJ friend has said she’d NEVER do theatre (one of my many obsessions), she gets really excited and shared interest when I talk about my theatre experiences. (This is why we get along so well.) I also ask her how she is a lot, and tell her she can open up to me if she wants, but that I also respect her decision if she doesn’t.

[romainduhamel]

I would synthesize the way to make an INFJ feel loved in one word : Intention.
The INFJs are so careful and aware of the intentions behind every action, either from them or from others. Because they always are so intentional towards people, and perhaps especially in their love gestures, what they will appreciate the most is someone who does the same towards them.
They feel loved when people are genuinely, purposefully trying to understand them, or just be with them, showing them interest in any way.
The main thing is that an INFJ must feel that what you do for them is done with your purest and most sincere intention of actually being to their attention. That you do it because it's them. At least that's my viewpoint as an INFJ :)
I send love to you who is reading this word <3

[cosmicpdf]

As an INFJ who forgot to answer the question because I overanalyzed my answer and ended up not writing anything, I agree 100% with this. I think that, as we're stereotyped, we know how to get along with people and we know what we should say to make them feel happy and maybe that's why we look for deep connections above everything else, because we might fear it's all fake or that they're only saying that to make us feel better. That's why we care so much about real demonstrations of affection and interest in what we want to say, because that's how you know that the bond is real.

[Chebab-Chebab]

I recently had my 51st birthday. I got no presents or cards.

A few days after, I had dinner with a young lady. She snuck off to 'answer' her phone. 5 minutes after she'd returned, the staff came to our table with a cake and candle and 'Happy Birthday' written on it.

She'd obviously arranged it. It was such a sweet gesture, and it made me smile.

[adityamohan]

The most simplest and easiest way to love an INFJ is to understand them.Thats it .Understanding them and respecting their viewpoint will make them feel loved.

[joanaborrellsanchez]

INFJs, you just need an INFP. A healthy INFP ofc. And I will whisper you sweetly... listen... "I'm here". Now seriously I just can't hold the love I feel for the INFJs I've met. It's so easy for me to love you. And so easy for you to love me.

[anniw.]

They’re tough cookies to crack but the return you get is astoundingly worth it. - INFP

[NobodysFavourite]

One of the surprising ways my husband makes me feel loved is pointing out things I like or the way that I am. INFJs struggle with knowing themselves. If someone else can be patient with that part of me and understand and even better, help me to understand who I am in meaningful ways it’s like, magic!

I totally agree with the number one answer here and also the one about being asked for my advice.

Great video. Thanks!

[jashepoon]

On a serious note:

As brilliant and funny as your skits are, I perpetually respect that you constantly pursue your concurrent goal of promoting understanding of the differences between types and understanding of others (in this case, INFJs).

These kind of vlogs - the Fi-Days ones - never get many views and probably don't bring in the big bucks, but you keep doing them because it's the right thing to do for you and because they're instructive and helpful and because the topics are close to your heart.

Projects like podcasts and type trends must take up a lot of your time and energy, so I'm glad you can transfer some of the results over to YouTube :)

The patron only videos which naturally only get few views are greatly appreciated too of course! So, to put it crudely, thanks for not being a sellout!

[isalsalv]

I rarely ever comment, but I wanted to say as an INFJ that this is so accurate. A moment to share my inner wolrd, personal story, and current or past emotional wounds is definitely one of the most significant ways for me to feel loved. Great video.

[shashank]

I would say you are right about what you said. I am an ISTP, who is best friends with an INFJ. Most of it matches with what I know. What surprises me is that I am commenting, which is unusual of me.

[projectnostalgia]

Been friends with an INFJ for a 11 years and last year i surprised her with a little gift basket of things that reminded me of her and our friendship. She was so shook and kept hugging me. Then we went with the rest of our friends to an escape room and dinner. -ENFP

[lrwiersum]

I just need acceptance. Just accept me as I am and if I fuck up, don’t hold a grudge. I try so hard. I piss my Son off every now and then but he just yanks my chain and that’s it. My mistakes are ALWAYS saying the wrong thing in the wrong moment, ALWAYS !! Why are people hiding things that are so obvious ?? It’s as plain as the nose on your face but don’t talk about it ?? Eternally puzzling.

[AO-jdcp]

I'm an ESTP and my wife is an INFJ. Yes, in reference to your video on how an ESTP sees different types, she's mysterious to me and slower than I would like at times but she's such a precious gem and I think she's herself around me. ;) I'm very thankful for how we can offer each other our strengths in marriage. I help her communicate and she helps me know when to shut up. :) Just a couple of things that have helped show her love.

1. Listening and joining my story with hers; That is to say that If I get to talking about something deep in my heart she'll open up about something deep on her heart. I learned that from you, Kristin, BTW. In your video on how to get the personality types to talk about their feelings. You open up first and then invite the INFJ. I just did that with her today and it worked! I was so glad.
2. Thoughtful gifts; Something small that reminds me of her and tells her that I've been thinking about her.
3. Words of affirmation; I'm not sure if every INFJ is that way but telling her things that I've appreciated that she brings to my life or the lives of our kids.
4. Spending time enjoying something of her creations: She's quite artistic and poetic. If I can sit and look at her art and read her poetry with her, I've shown her worlds of love. I have to say that I have through her seen a world of meaning that I couldn't possibly know if she wasn't in my life. Her poetry can make me weep. Her short stories carry such depth and nuance. Her paintings, though I'm not an artist nor do I have an artistic eye, carry intention and detail simply because she delights to give every molecule meaning.

One of the things that makes me so in awe of her is how precious even the smallest things are to her. To her there is meaning in even what would be insignificant to me who tends toward speeding through life. For this reason, she will hold on to things like candy wrappers just because of what happened surrounding the time she opened it. (it can make garbage day tough. ;))

If you can tap into the world of an INFJ and learn to appreciate it (which you must or you'll probably never be shown again.), their depth can change you for the better. I love you, Hannah!

[__yussra]

how do I feel loved as an INFJ
- [ ] When I’m mentioned well in my absence (or presence). When that person genuinely thinks well of me, loves me, I’m actively on their mind, that’s when I genuinely feel loved.
* When they put a list of things I like and dislike. When they remember details about me. When they genuinely make the effort to know deeper parts of me and love them.
- [ ] When their love isn’t selfish. It’s not about how you make them feel. It’s not about what they want you to do to them. They just genuinely want the best for you.
- [ ] When they want to take the weight off me. When their love language is acts of service. When they don’t let me lift heavy things or do hard things without appreciation me with words or taking part of the chore.
- [ ] When I’m given a safe space to be whoever I want. When I’m constantly reassured with words and actions.
- [ ] When they check up on me, worry about me, love me, hug me, miss me, cry for me. I need to feel the love with all my senses or else it feels lacking.

[solarisan_]

1. Asking questions. It helps in finding a direction to guide the mess inside.
2. Being gentle helps. Cause being harsh (internally) is a default mode (for this type). Gentleness helps neutralize the harsh and bitter thoughts that pass on the inside.
3. If you fight me, I will fight back. So, let's not even go there. If you can take the time to understand the inner world, great. If you are gonna criticize, trust me on this: your criticism will be reciprocated x10. No, I don't like doing it. But if I am stressed my survival mode is to protect myself rather than pay attention to words.
4. Let me think. I rarely know how I feel. To see it, I will probably need to write it down, or find an abstract/creative way to express it. Once you see this side don't assume that the first thought that passed through your mind is the truth behind the creative process. Think it through. Pieces of information might be hidden in places you haven't even paid attention to.
5. Metaphors. For me it is normal thought and speech process. Yes, I can adapt it to concrete, realistic and easily digestable info, but it takes time to "translate" things in such way.
6. Autonomy, autonomy, autonomy. The moment it is under "threat", I am out. Not as a joke. I can take drastic decisions that can be as crazy as changing continents. I need freedom. On a level that may surpass what is considered "normal".
7. Honesty. Now, people may think: how can I be honest 100 % yet not critical? I have no problem with what you say (the content) but how you say it (the process). Shouting irritates me and I will shout back and become just more exhausted as a result.

[anyamongus]

As an INFJ, authenticity, integrity, and honesty are very important. Curiosity, imagination and empathy are always at play. When a bully or narcissist becomes a problem I can switch empathy for logic and act like an INTJ. Don't like to be so cold-hearted, but to keep from over obsessing emotionally, it's self-defense. Acting more like an INTJ, it is much easier to neutralize bullies. Just sharing for INFJ's in a similar situation. Cheers everyone!

[adityamohan]

Dont force the INFJ to do something they dont like.They will hate it .

One more thing show compassion and empathy towards INFJ .

[Justanotherhuman]

Understanding and listening is HUGE for me as an INFJ.