Why Adult Children Cut Off Contact / Stop Speaking To Their Parents | Family Estrangement Explained

Family estrangement is being called a silent epidemic by mental health professionals because the numbers of estranged families are increasing. Estrangement is something new in the sense that it was rare in previous generations for adult children to stop speaking with their parents. In this video I’ll explain the many reasons this happens.

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▶ 10 Common Mistakes Parents Make With Their Adult Children | Parent-Adult Child Realtionship
▶ Psychologist On How To Empathize With Your Adult Child I Family Empathy | Empathetic Parent
▶ Psychologist On How To Be More Empathic | Empathetic
▶ Don't Do This To Your Loved Ones! | Empathy Misses | Fails | These 8 Responses Are Not Empathetic

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Hi! I'm Maika - a psychologist, course designer and YouTube creator. The purpose of my work is to assist you in becoming an expert at self-leadership, so you can live your life to the fullest.
"There is no passion to be found in playing small, in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." Nelson Mandela

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00:00 Introduction
00:49 1) Your Ex Has Alienated Them From You
01:15 2) Your Son- Or Daughter-In-Law Made This Decision
01:40 3) Your Child's Therapist Recommended It
02:20 4) This Is Your Child's Way Of Enforcing Boundaries
02:54 5) Your Relationship Is A Threat To Your Child's Emotional & Mental Health & Growth
04:03 6) You Disagree On Issues That Are Very Important To You & / Or Your Child
04:49 7) The Way You Or Your Family Treats Your Child Makes Them Feel Less Than
05:22 8) You Haven't Been Willing To Be Accountable For What Happened In Your Child's Childhood

❃❃❃ Recommended Reading ❃❃❃
Coleman, J. (2021). Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict. New York: Harmony Books.

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I do not make any warranties about the completeness, reliability and accuracy of the information given on this channel. Any action you take upon the information on this channel is strictly at your own risk, and I will not be liable for any losses and damages in connection to the use of my channel. The information I provide cannot be taken as a substitute for advice, diagnosis or treatment by mental health professionals. Please consult your health professionals before making health-related decisions.

#familyestrangement #estrangement #selfleadershipexperts

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[DrMaikaSteinborn]

▶ 10 Common Mistakes Parents Make With Their Adult Children | Parent-Adult Child Realtionship
▶ Psychologist On How To Empathize With Your Adult Child I Family Empathy | Empathetic Parent
▶ Psychologist On How To Be More Empathic | Empathetic
▶ Don't Do This To Your Loved Ones! | Empathy Misses | Fails | These 8 Responses Are Not Empathetic

[ChaiLatte]

This makes a lot of sense. My husband doesn't talk to his mother and it is a mix of everything you said here. His mom is not willing to have any conversation. She just yells.

[morrisdennis]

Unconditional luv is a myth in this world...

[ThePhantomLion]

We are DONE with toxic relationships, they brought this upon themselves, simple as that.

[Melancholygreen]

This was fantastic. Thank you for this list. It’s a good list to work on relationship skills to keep communication healthy and open for parents like me, too, who still have full contact with my adult kids and don’t want that to change. I want to stay open to them always, but having come from a different background than that I am without healthy examples of how to keep things open and healthy without disagreements shutting things down.

There might be parents watching this who refuse to see things from their child’s perspective with an open and empathetic heart, and that’s really very sad. Our kids never stop needing parents, and as people none of us stop growing so why should our relationships never need maintenance? A growth mindset is crucial when you have kids.

[dianagarrison]

I don’t think estrangement is new at all; we’re just being a lot more honest about it.
My uncles might have had “a hard time”, but I am naming and claiming.

[bafelix]

This is the parental version of guys that think women owe them sex because theyre "nice guys with a job"

[morrisdennis]

Im estranged from my entire family both sides, no regrets...

[tmking]

Estrangement is not rare it's been going on forever.
Almost every story in the Bible addresses these issues.

[mattstiefel]

It's awful when your parents are highly insecure people, who treat everything in the family like a power game. They treat their family this way, because they're cowards who can't play the same games outside the house.

I have always enjoyed working. Because at work, most people are acting like a team, in pursuit of a common goal. At home, it was nothing but tearing each other down, delighting in their child's failures, and minimizing their successes.

My choice is not between living a fun life, and fulfilling obligations to my parents - it's between life and death. If I fully bought into my family's narrative, I'd be dead. My Uncle was the only other person with the same role, and they drive him to suicide - continuing to shit on him after death, for not doing well in a job interview, and being so weak that "he just couldn't forget his childhood."

For a long time, I thought that if I killed myself, my family might see what they're doing, but they never will. If I didn't get this unfortunate lesson, I'd be dead by now. No one in any family deserves to die, so their parents can feel okay about themselves. I can't believe this is a controversial opinion.


How many people can say that they were surprised, by how relaxing and heartwarming it is to have a job, and experience natural consequences of our actions. If every family operates this way, then everyone should experience similar surprise.

[TheHellomypeople]

Ive done that as a child for thw reason number 4. My mum projects her insecurities on me and she didnt respect my privacy and boundaries. Now when im pregnant its useful to know what the reasons may be to try and avoid mistakes

[ansh]

You make out that the adult child has the equivalent of an adult tantrum. As the parent of adult children, I acknowledge that I am a student of life from another era that I cannot change. Its like being the slowest student in the class. I will never catch up with my children. A little understanding on their part would go a long way. Our adult children will suffer the same issues with their own children in the future. We wont be around to see how they handle the sadness.

[rudyescobar]

My daughter and I are estranged at this time for a few of the reasons listed here. I take responsibility for the part I had to play in it, but the majority has to do with her mother. I can't control what is said about me since I'm not around. It's been 2 plus years since I've heard from her but I can see she's doing well. I've focused on myself and my wife because I see no sense in having all the joy sucked out of however much time God allows me to be around. Time will tell what happens, but I write positive messages to her from time-to-time, telling her how I've been and that I'll be there for her. Thats all I can do for now.

[JusttoTalk-oj]

People grow up knowing the world is awful, disgusting, and painful.
But yet they have kids anyways!
...AND they wonder why their kids estrange them as a result.

[dimitrii_p]

thank you very much Dr Steinborn, this video helped me understand why I cut the ties with my parents and put my mind at rest.

[nirimalanaidoo]

Love your video .as a mother I didn't take accountability ..and my adult child became distant ..a great loss to me

[Katanasquirrel]

I wish my parents could have the kind of introspection this video insists upon. My father was incredibly toxic and would repeatedly insult my mother, when she was the person who solely raised me. I tried to raise boundaries and asked that he not say those things around me, and he then decided that I was the one who should be targeted. I haven't blocked my father entirely from contact, but I cannot be around him unless he can engage with some amount of introspection about how being raised in that environment hurt me.

At the same time, my mom insists that I need to completely forgive him, despite me repeatedly explaining that I can't forgive him and move on unless he's willing to engage with self reflection. At the same time, she's repeatedly shoo'ed off insulting comments made by my family, and will not speak to me without yelling over almost everything I say. While I love her, it's incredibly hard to feel wanted and cared for by her and I'm worried I might need to set that boundary with another parent.

Parents can often times have trouble shutting off the part of their brain that identifies you as a child and not as an adult, who deserves to be taken seriously as an adult. While it may be their best intention, they can often look at any conversations and growth discussions, not as one adult talking to another adult, but as a child not knowing how the world works. It's incredibly frustrating as someone who wants to have full contact with all of my family, to be looked at as less than and to have your parent back that thought. I would love to be a more active part in my family, but the reality is that if I'm going to be insulted and not feel like I have any kind of back up, then I really don't want that kind of toxicity in my life.

It's an incredibly sad decision to have to make almost any time it happens.

[merlinsreturn]

You completely missed the fact that many children cut off contact with one parent because of how they abused the other parent.

[HennyWarren]

My son cut ties with his entire family (myself and his brothers) No explanation, no response to any messages. We have no idea what has happened. Even if he has an issue with me, he absolutely ADORED his oldest brother but he even cut him off. We are absolutely clueless.

[michele]

Behaviors of unhealthy parents are consistent, frequent, and problematic. Adults can choose to end relationships that don't meet their needs, disrespect boundaries and are unhealthy because they lack mutuality, reciprocity and equality.
As adults we understand when a parent is unwilling and/or unable to change their behaviors and we are not obligated to continue to forgo our own needs, wants and desires. And we certainly know when love is conditional.