The Power Of Inverse Charisma | Gurwinder Bhogal

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[Ma_rkw]

Nailed it man. My mother always told me that if you’re ever worried about a social interaction, just ask people about themselves and be genuinely interested. Robert Greene said a similar thing.

[michaelanthony]

This is something that I constantly work on. I actually am charismatic but no one wants you to dominate the conversation. They also want to talk so after I say a joke or a funny story I wait and let the other person talk. I think people do appreciate it more.

[BUFFALO_cougar_slayer]

The most truly charismatic people tend to be even better listeners than they are speakers

[ByronTexas]

I’ve actually done exactly this my entire life and was a teen when I realized I did it and told others they also needed to do it.

“A person should feel better about themselves after having talked to you than they did before.” is something I’ve been saying for literally decades and have told my kids to do this as well.

[masterphillips]

This is the "I could fit in and be accepted in any clique" alignment in high school

[r.c.]

Thank you for sying this out loud. It makes me feel like its ok to NOT be that entertaining fun person in the group.

[kellyely]

I thought asking people questions was just interest or politeness, which does make people feel seen and heard, and that feels validating (which is the part we enjoy). I find too many people don't self validate their personality and positive attributes (at least, the ones they actually have and not ones they wish they had), then need it done by someone else to be happy or confident. If you know what you bring to the table, there is less need for charisma, and more need for connection. But, I presume this is based upon a professional encounter, in which charisma makes a larger impact than connection.

[rtmordecai]

This is Charm vs Charisma. They are really two sides of the same coin and have tons of overlap. They are both related to one’s confidence but the basic difference that Jimmy Carr introduced me to is that Charm is I come to you. I am making the effort to charm you specifically. Whereas charisma is more about YOU come to ME. You have some talent, skill, confidence, that people gravitate to you and want to spend time with you. Charm is proactive and purposeful in the moment; it IS working on yourself. Charisma is about taking on habits and patterns of thought that allow you to exude confidence as a by-product of work you put into yourself before that moment. Robert Green’s example is Gladstone VS Disraeli. Churchills grandmother or mother thought that Gladstone was the smartest, funniest, most impressive man in the UK after eating dinner next to him. After a dinner with Disraeli she left thinking SHE was the smartest, funniest, most impressive woman in the UK.

[Ilovelife]

Namaste Chris,
Do you know that you are a child of God created in His image and you are unconditionally loved by Him who created you? You are an eternal divine spark of consciousness! 🙏 "You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world." ~Nelson Mandela
Peace be with you dear One. One love always 🙏💜🕊🕉✡️⚛️☪️☯️✝️🕉

[mrridikilis]

Stephen Fry said something like this about Oscar Wilde: Wilde had the remarkable ability to make everyone around him feel cleverer and more interesting than they actually were, even though Wilde himself was CLEARLY the cleverest and most interesting person in the room.

[moog]

I have always felt charisma is often used to manipulate it's not necessarily a pro social or positive skill/trait

[Taranisb]

But I also feel like if I try to be charismatic, I automatically become more inverse charismatic simply because it maybe feels more natural to me. If someone can’t spread good vibes, then I wouldn’t consider them really charismatic. I lack a clear example in my head that would make me see a clear distinction between the two. Still love the idea of highlighting that aspect a little more! 😊

[yipperdeyip]

I can make people laugh when I feel confident, but where I struggle is having long talks/ small talk, etc

[rossedwardmiller]

David Brooks has a bunch on this topic in his book How to Know a Person.
Learn to ask questions that people are excited to answer, and listen to them when they’re talking to you.

[juliusmims]

Cool premise, but I'd argue that making someone else feel valued and heard is part of charisma itself.

[johnnix]

It’s not real which is the whole point ❤charisma.

[jodibraun]

I didn't know that this had a name. Audrey Hepburn said once that her mother taught her not to focus on herself in conversation, that other people are far more interesting than we, ourselves ever could be.

[Autogenification]

This inverse charisma concept is my entire personality lmao

[damonf]

A statement may offend. Asking a question can open that offense up for a better look.

[RyanTheJay]

Hi, charismatic person here. I'd much rather be what Chris described