What is 'scapegoating'? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)

ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"

JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM

JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK

GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS

SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST

LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[reboundingfromnarcissistic]

The scapegoat is the one who can see the narcissist from who they are. My heart goes out to all the scapegoated people out there

[AVERYCK]

The minute you say no more, a part of the narcissistic brain blows a fuse

[helenbairmapc]

I spent the majority of my life playing the role of the scapegoat. In my old age, I finally learned the tools to distance myself from abusers. My life has become so much more peaceful. However, I am astounded at the criticism I get from onlookers for having distanced myself. Sometimes ya can't win. But I would rather live with others disapproval than to allow another abuser to bully me.

[lucynicholas]

“Scapegoat” is also another word for a “Punching Bag”! The pain of it is real and stays all your life effecting all your choices of not only partners but of friends and church friends

[Dogcatlover]

I walked away from my family. I have very little contact with any of them. I was done being treated like crap.

[sandrapontius]

As a former scapegoat, I must say that I will never mourn the death of any narcissist. They are unworthy of sympathy.

[theangendeavor]

Scapegoating is pure cruelty. It is so damaging to a child and that child feels the reprcussions their whole life. With good inner work and knowledge one can make positive shifts. Thank you Dr. Ramani!

[karolinepedersen]

I don't know what I would have done without you, Dr.Ramani. You've helped me so much!

[renico]

SPEAK world is suffering a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of 'good' people!!! Maybe in this way, eventually, this will create a herd immunity against the narc……My dream of this world...

[clayandputtyvideos]

I am the Total Scapegoat. My entire family has scapegoated me my whole life from day one. Until I broke up all bridges with all of them in February 2020. I stand strong for Love, Peace, Humbleness, Dorkiness, Nerdiness, Animal Rights, Veganism, Kindness, Art, Sensitivity and Compassion. Nobody can stop me and it feels Super.

[IJamInSweatpants]

People don't step in. They just say it isn't their place, even though they see it.

[aneri]

As a 31 year old, I now have the proper term for what was done to me by my mother who was a single parent. The constant calling me a bastard and looking at me with disdain when she realised I had a learning disability. It's hard not to cry thinking and now realising that this was not every child's reality. There were children with happy parents and a happy family.

[Kelly-yibw]

Hey...we are all the "escape goats" cuz we got away from this toxic brew of abuse!

[anitas]

I remember telling people in my teens and early 20’s “I hate my parents” and everyone said “no you don’t” and “they’re wonderful”. I remember my first therapist when I was 28 and I said “I hate my parents “ and he said “I know you do”. It changed my life. I have never understated or justified their abuse to myself since. My siblings can think what they want about how “difficult“ I am.

[BooDotBoo]

I've been the scapegoat in my family for as long as I can remember, and my memory is pretty good, so I can remember far back, lol. A scapegoat for both my mother and my older sister, and both of them enable each other. I'm still the scapegoat, now. Informative video, but it made me sad, too. I always knew I was never close with my mom and sister, but when I learned about all this stuff, it felt like this huge betrayal. Like, these are the people who are supposed to love you, but they don't mean you well, at all.

[keilagonzalez]

The sad part of this situation, is we’re all here trying to unlearn and relearn the things narcissist did to us. Yet they’re not the ones watching Dr.Ramani’s videos to unlearn their toxic behaviors.

[nskxwtk]

In my family, when I was a child, my mom slandered me painting me to everyone as the bad kid. My older brother was the first born son and golden child. I openly pointed out her drinking problem (knowing that it was not normal). My brother was offended that I was able to meet and talk to people without shyness. He fell into drug and alcohol addiction. When he got in trouble, my parents covered it up.
My ability to not drink or use drugs and the successes that I have created for myself seem to offend my entire family. They see life as being unfairly easy for me and more unfairly difficult for him.

[mifnp]

My mom changes her scapegoat depending on the situation. It's been pretty much everyone in our family at some point in her life. I remember her 'wrath' at various times in my life & it is a HORRIBLE experience.
My stepfather was recently transferred to a care facility so my stepsister is now her target. It's all very exhausting. Dr. Ramani said something poignant that really struck me, that these people are chronically unkind. Wow.

[bradassheton-smith]

When I was a little boy, maybe 5 or 6, I was approached by a man at our church, I can not remember who he was, after a display of public humiliation from my father. This man gently approached me and quietly said something like “you are going to need courage and patience to bear with situations like this, this is not fair”… I didnt even respond but his words were a lifeline for me in my younger years when I had to convince myself I wasn’t the loser my family believed I was.

[soheilay]

Every time I watch your videos a part of me heals