How the SCAPEGOAT keeps everyone IN LINE in narcissistic relationships

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[catalinafirefly]

The whole family wonders why the Scapegoat left forever, then gets slandered somemore. Literally it will never stop so no contact is the only way to live a happy life.

[michaelmcintosh]

Growing up thinking you were born to be hated just sucks. It took decades to realize it wasn’t me.

[RayF]

I was the truthteller and scapegoat, but I was also parentified so I fought to protect the hell out of my siblings. I fought against shame with logic, and understanding instead of emotion. I had to learn as an adult to learn the difference between constructive criticism and shaming, then I'm still working on handling both.

[Mel.H_]

The scapegoat in my family system was my older brother. He committed suicide at 27, I was 23.
I didn't understand what was happening until I turned 40 and found you, Dr Ramani. Now his suicide makes complete sense to me. And why I had so many times I wanted to as well. Thank you Dr Ramani. You're literally saving lives❤❤❤

[Tadams]

I am the official scapegoat. I started calling out the treatment out loud and that was when all hell broke loose! I went no contact about 15 years ago. I still hear that they blame me for everything even though I am not even around!

[Lilynite]

My life has been destroyed by my Family. Too old & exhausted to do anything about anything. 😢

[leeseey]

Being the sibling who watched the scapegoat, I truly was terrified to step out of line. And then I learned how to, sneakily. This type of parenting leads to sneaky and messed up kids.

[annwe]

On top of public shaming and bullying by the narcissist, bystanders to the abuse often blame the victim. Because of cognitive dissonance, they refuse to see that their beloved cult leader/parent/boss, etc. is an abuser, so they blame the scapegoat instead. The scapegoat is often caught up in the same trauma bonded web and ends up gaslighting and blaming themselves too. It's all so deeply harmful. Been there, done that.

[costelloandlizzievolk]

I swear I’ve been scapegoated in my family because I’m the only girl, empathic, and the middle child. In a work situation I was shy and attacked when I finally got the nerve to speak up against bullying. And also feel I was scapegoated in a friend group because of anxiety issues I have. My poor younger self didn’t know any better. I know now and will never be silenced nor treated like that again. Thank you ❤

[advancedbasicsAB]

I think there should be compulsory lessons in school on understanding narcissism. We would have generations of people who would know how identify them saving millions from unhealthy relations and trauma!

[realhealing]

I was the easiest target. I am the youngest and a girl. Scapegoating is emotional abuse. It will affect me for the rest of my life. No contact was my only option.

[ced]

I am the scapegoat/ truth teller in my family and it's honestly the worst role to have. My parents made me the example for all the extended family too. You can never win and you're always wrong. The goal posts will always change positions for you as well. So when you think you're getting close to the goal, it's now different and you have to do something else. There is nothing you can do to fix it. For me the worst part is protecting my siblings and making sure they didn't experience what I had and now they join in with the Scapegoating. Makes me feel like Obi-Wan watching anakin turn to the dark side. The positive side is that we have a personality and we speak up. We are not afraid of the truth. And we are the strongest in our families.

[arlenerivera]

So, I learned I was the scapegoat in our family system. However, I have not learned to forgive and forget. The forgetting is impossible for me. I am haunted by my memories.

[duromusabc]

When you go no contact permanently, then the narcissist chooses another new person as the scapegoat to continue regulating themselves

[mday]

Being the scapegoat in my family just hurts. It hurts that I was used by my NM. She took her rage out on me.😢

[DenisKeenan]

This had me sobbing. Very triggering. It's why I now isolate myself and am virtually a recluse. But I love it! I am naturally a shy quiet person but always fought against my true nature. Family, school, college, workplaces, friends were all torture for me. It's only now that I'm coming into myself. I don't care what the neighbours think about me not mixing with the community but just feeding the birds and doing my garden - they don't pay my bills.

[mommaboombam]

I was the scapegoat. I'm not what was "done" to me. It's part of my past lessons and I can chose to remain authentic to myself and not let others abuse become part of me. I will still be me but smarter and stronger bc I see it as a lesson in life. My opinion: You are NOT what others project onto you, it's their insecurities they need to project onto someone else. Don't them them change who you are. Love you all. Thank you again Dr. R

[lisarochwarg]

So true. The scapegoat really does serve as an example to the others. "This is what happens when you step out of line." Even if the scapegoat hasn't actually stepped out of line, they get severely punished.

Families and workplaces headed by narcissists are full of fear and trepidation. Deep down, everyone knows the narcissistic parent or boss is both crazy and mean, so they tiptoe around him or her. They want to stay in the narcissist's good books. But if a narcissist wants to find something wrong with you, even if it's 98% imaginary, he/she will go after you like the FBI going after an axe murderer.

There's no love in narcissistic families and no friendship with narcissists. There's only compliance, backstabbing and treachery. Allies can get kicked to the curb, and so can favored children.

[edwinastawski]

It's often both parents & then almost at everyone the scapegoat will ever know in the future.. & they know exactly, what they're doing.

[MaileyMcAslan]

I lived this. My parents used me, a little girl who had no idea what was going on, to control my teenage brothers. It didn’t seem to work very well on them, but it crippled me. I remember the third degree directed at me at the dinner table over a broken chair that I had no idea about. I was about 5, my brothers were about 14 & 15. My brothers didn’t confess, even though my father “didn’t believe” his five year old daughter didn’t break the chair and he focused his wrath on me and threatened to spank me right then and there for breaking the chair. I burst into tears and hid in my closet for hours, crying and crying. It was just swept under the rug. No harm done, my middle brother finally said he did it. No need for any of them to apologize or even see if the kid is ok. How very fucked up.

I remember being a baby and looking at them and knowing that they had forgotten what love was. I guess it could’ve been much worse if I had forgotten too. I almost did.