What Depression Feels Like to Me

In this video, author and depression counselor Douglas Bloch discusses how he experiences the symptoms of clinical depression.

[JohnGeorge-pwxo]

I remember few years back after my wife died, I was left alone with 3 kids. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with bipolar. Not until a friend recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment changed my life for better. I can proudly say i'm totally clean for 6 years and still counting. Always look to nature for solution to tough problems, Shrooms are phenomenal.

[mskuk]

I feel I'm in a bubble that is full of sadness, I feel like I'm looking out to the real world which is happy and I'm just a spectator looking from the bubble, I also get envious of other people's laughter and annoys me which I'm very ashamed of 😞

[meherenow]

Numb, no enthusiasm, on automatic pilot, but I have progressed from how I was before, which was totally non functioning. I wish all those suffering the very best and know that with effort and structure you will get better.

[ramsay]

Brain heavy. I also feel Heaviness on my shoulders. No joy to be found. Everything seems overwhelming. From getting out of bed to completing the necessary tasks. I get anxious over simple things. I find a relief after 6pm because in know it's less likely people will call and bother me. I hate the mornings because I have to start all over again. I'm looping and don't have the will to change.

[tswagdiddy]

I've been in a deep episode for 9 months. It's been awful. Everyday I feel like it's a chore to do even the simple things, like taking a shower or going outside. I have great support from my family, friends, and church so I know eventually I will get better and be able to enjoy life.

[rationalmystic]

I am currently out of depression. I still get bouts of dysthymia but they last only for a few hours . but I clearly remember the time I was depressed. There is a contraction of the consciousness . waking up is a chore. Constant fatigue. Its very very hard just to smile let alone laugh. The things that used to bring joy seem strange and unfamiliar. I was scared of people finding out my state of mind. There is a fear of the loss of social credibility . hopelessness is constant constant all the time. I live in a country where still people can't talk about depression but things are changing rapidly. At the time I had been through a break up and loss of job plus my near family was abroad in the US . I was supposed to emigrate there but I was not looking forward to it. There is only so much that family can do over Skype. My friends were just too occupied with work and their families that I did not have it in me to open up to them. But even at that time although I didn't even know what was happening to me I knew that I would bounce back . I have always been very resourceful and self caring that way and I just knew that this dense painful hopeless fog would lift and I would be fine. I never had suicide thoughts cause I think I always believed in myself . I decided to step away from things to give myself time to heal. That was the best decision for me. I watched movies . went to the mall just to be with other humans around me. Spent hours everyday on YouTube . then I came across a talk on depression by Robert sapolski from Stanford and all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place exposing a bigger picture. I knew then that I had depression. So I did further research . found out about the ketogenic diet and went on It for a year. Although I wasn't exercising much except for regular walks I started to lose the body fat I had put on by eating junk. I lost 23 kilos (50pounds) in a year and my mood started improving. It was damn hard work cause everyday I didn't feel like eating the stuff on the deit and everyday I forced myself to stay disciplined. It was like wading through molasses with a heavy bag on your back. Took me few months to see results in my mood although I had started to lose weight within the first month. Then I was looking good but still feeling like shit. I avoided toxic people but started opening up to people at the mall or at a cafe or at a grocery shop etc. I felt like there were a lot of depressed people out there and I felt like helping them. Small acts of kindness . simple interactions went a long way. I started to feel like a part of the human family on the whole. Mood got better but I was never out of the well although the well was not as deep as before. I kept doing the same things everyday and then started exercising two three times a week. After a few months there was a day I felt like my original self again and I was out of the well for about 5to 6 smile I had on my face and the joy in my heart was the best thing I have experienced in life. Knowing I was on the right path I kept at it . I had become a lot lot lot more empathetic and compassion became my second nature. Basically to this day I treat everyone with an understanding that maybe they are depressed . I'm very mindful of maintaining their boundaries as well as my own. Eventually I reached a point where I did not remember the last time I had a deep depression. My social anxiety is still there but its almost 5% of what it was before. Nowadays I'm dysthmic for some part of the day but feel fine most of the time. Wow.it feels strange to type this . so many years in just one message. Anyways. To people stuck in the well not despair...let the disease take its don't fight. ....no matter how bad things will be back to normal ....find out what works for you. I used to watch my favorite movies like collateral, heat, Bourne series back to back. I listened to a lot of Buddhism talks by Joseph Goldstein. Still listen to Sam Harris podcast regularly. If you don't have people empathetic to you around you turn to the net . listening to Buddhism, stoicism, podcast with Ryan holiday Sam Harris Robert sapolski lewis Howes Tim ferris etc brings me energy. I get energy from their positive humanity. That is what its all about. Positive humanity. You know what I'm talking about exactly cause you have felt it among other positive kind generous humans. Keeping that flame alive within me is what life is about . we all are in the same boat sense to help out each other I whatever way we can . wish you all well and deep regards for your well being. Thanks.
Never knew it would be such a long message when I started typing .

[creativesundries]

Thank you for being brave and sharing this.

[david_mccrae]

My depression felt like my life was a recipe, and someone had missed out the ingredient "joy". I was doing the same things, yet they did not feel complete. I was not happy alone, I was not happy with friends, I was not happy doing the same things that had once brought me pleasure. The cake was still there, but someone had missed out the key ingredient in the baking that makes the cake so wonderful to eat.

[JNiina]

My depression feels like guilt, shame, self hate, deep anxiety which feels like a belly ache and heaviness in my chest, fear of life and hopelessness, fearing the worst. And every time things have gone wrong, I remember those and that is proof to me that things will not go well in the future. I don't get things done, I want to stay in bed and I won't let anyone see or know how bad things really are for me.

[racalmorsh]

I know its been five years but i still want to write.
It feels like everything is worthless you see people laugh and you cant understand it. You see pain everywhere you go. You want to die because you dont see any future, you dont see yourself happy. you dont remember yourself happy. You cant function and in the end it brings more depression because you missed out alot and you feel like a failiar but you dont care anymore about anything.

[lemsip]

It starts by being angry at the world and blaming other people for my problems instead of my depression and anxiety. Then I feel sad when I wake up in the morning so start going out and doing more things socially. I then have to develop compassion for people in order to get along with them as I realise that I need them. When the depression deepens I suffer from insomnia which leads to more rumination and feeling bleary eyed during the day. I make mistakes and feel upset when people point them out as I feel very sensitive. It doesn't matter how busy I am during the day and evening I find it difficult to sleep.

[nancyostler]

Douglas, I'm going through a current difficult period after two years of feeling good. I've started an anti-depressant but they usually at least start out being activating, increasing my anxiety. My evenings are usually better but the days are full of rumination about how awful I feel and fear about how awful I'll feel tomorrow. You have helped yourself (and so many others, including me) in the past, I hope you can guide yourself through this bout. I'm drawing on the teachings I've learned from Buddhist sources about being compassionate with myself and keeping my attention focused more on the present moment, not the rumination. Not easy. I hope for the best for you and all of us fellow sufferers.

[grungerapking]

Doug, you're the man! You will get better. Thanks for all the videos!

[pohyokelo]

You are my hero, Mr Douglas Bloch. Truly my hero.

[davidpickell]

Thanks for the opportunity Douglas. Depression: i wake up before the alarm and my mind fixes on painful scary possibilities (the trees in the backyard are going to damage the power lines and I'll be out of power, I'll get sued by the city). I get up then my life looks unliveable ... I have nothing to look forward to but a painful, lonely, and sad decline into old age and death. Then I scramble for friend support (family is unavailable) and blame myself for being needy. I resist every task to keep myself afloat, i.e. Meal prep and housekeeping (i'm alone). I feel hopeless and helpless and everything is a struggle which often I lose. As the day concludes, often a day of driving to appointments with professionals whose help i am convinced will be useless, i turn to (modest amounts of) alcohol to still the demon and give me courage to go to bed. I take my pill, go to bed, then wake up three times in the night. God help me.

[suzannea]

My depression has strangled me since I think puberty. I've gone in and out, down and back up, on mess off meds. It's like a poisonous cement that has been infused into my brain. I'm much more functional now but still struggle as of late my son now has a lot of depression and is on meds. He recently spoke of killing himself ( that's how I found you). Now I feel the burden of passing this on to him. We the fit was genetic or learned. I feel so horrible . Like I did this to him or I thought him. Thank you for your videos . PS cycling has saved me. I'm scared to ride on the road where I live but bought an inside spin bike that has helped a lot. Keep up the videos 💕

[tedbloch]

Hi DouglasThank you for sharing. When I am depressed and anxious, It feels like such an effort to get through the day. And then it has to start over again. Every decision I make is the wrong one. I don't call anyone, because who wants to ne with a depressed person. The fiture looks bleak. I feel as if someone could blow on me very gently and I would fall, over. Findng distractions is the best thing -- having a pet, going on a hike with other folks, singing in a choral group. You get the picture.

[debbiewood-holland]

It starts off feeling blue then slopes down, as I withdraw it gets darker and tearful. I find it's a different type of tiredness that descends because it has weariness and hopelessness and everything slows down into a mixed up tangled grey mess, Then it gets heavier and becomes numb and slides into a hole with a spiral down into more darkness. The further down I go the harder it is to get back up again. So I climb back up gradually using steps of self-care. The further up I go, back up the ladder and return to level ground.. Phew! ..until next time. Some episodes, go down deeper than others and are trickier to climb out of, that's when I get extra help.

[davidpickell]

Hopeless, helpless. Light headed, sweats. Terrifyingly alone. Every act of self care an insurmountable challenge. No end in sight (hopelessness) -- and a shocked thought that I've been like this all my life, because of un-healable trauma. Tiny pockets of more tolerable when my friend calls me or when I can manage to think a non-depressive thought now and then. Helpless-I'm utterly incapable of maintaining myself through the days to come.

[larrykoz]

In no particular order; I have sadness, I feel confused, have a difficult time focusing thinking, I am sleepy because I only sleep 4 to 5 hours a night and as a result I nap through out the day. Sleep is an escape. I have no reason to be depressed I am blessed by God I’m so many ways. Depression is like a bad head ache where you can’t think or function except with depression my head doesn’t hurt. I am not on medication, used to take Wellbutrin 16 years ago maybe I should try medication again. Don’t really want to just doesn’t seem right.