20 Signs You Are With A 'Covert' Narcissist

20 Signs of Covert Narcissism

#covertnarcissism #fragilenarcissist #vulnerablenarcissist

[breakthesilencebreakthecycle]

Four years ago I was in shock and crying spells when I stumbled upon this video. Four years later I'm laughing at the silliness of my relationship with the covert narcissist. You can heal. My best wishes to you all.

[Mike-xtlh]

Being around covert narcissist can make you feel depressed if you are around them long enough.

[spookyruthy]

Look out for the brain fog after an argument has ended - if you can barely remember what the argument was about LITERALLY minutes after it's finished, that's a huge red flag. It means they've run circles around your brain to the point where you didn't know what to focus on so much so that you've forgotten.

[marilynmasonis]

"If you're on the internet looking for what the hell is going on, that's not normal." & we all know it!!!

[KimsLantern]

The ‘pillar of the community’ type of narcissist is the worst, because they don’t treat everyone else the way they’ve treated you, so no one believes you when you tell them your side.

[pigeonlovebird]

Biggest victim in the room - even when they are the one cheating on you

[dawnlove]

Thankfully he kept telling me I was crazy. I went to several drs trying to get them to "fix" me. After some time (probably a year) with one dr., he told me one word that changed my life.... gaslighting.
That dr. saved my life.

[RhcpRockerDosed]

fake emotions too! i remember noticing his fake crying when telling me how much he loved me, it was the strangest thing, desperate to manipulate.

[LHW-xwbs]

Covert narcissists do apologise in my experience, however not for their behaviour which they continue to deny, minimise and negate. They apologise for the way in which you have misinterpreted their behaviour. Their aim is to persuade you that they are being reasonable and culpable and you are overreacting. Next they will turn the tables, declare themself the victim of your attack and punish you using silence, freezing out and emotional witholding thus hurting you again.

[lorriekelly]

You're not wanting to
Believe you've been
Played . And the hardest thing is
You have to realize
They never cared ?

[joolst]

Covert narcissist are emotionally stunted, emotionally immature

[kerry]

This is all spot on. The covert who abused me was a "pillar of the community." He loved being seen as the "white knight." Guess what he did behind closed doors? He complained incessantly about the very same people he was helping and had zero empathy for them. It was SO STRANGE. He even complained about his closest "friends." I never have seen someone so negative in my life. I had to go to a psychologist to deal with this because I had no idea what was happening because it was so CONFUSING. He constantly told sob stories, was very down to earth, and would even cry. He appeared very caring and was extremely adept at the love bombing stage. Later, I started seeing very bizarre behaviors emerge that I could no longer ignore. You never knew who you were going to deal with from day to day. On the bad days, he was extremely arrogant, dismissive, abusive and would use the silent treatment. It is like dealing with someone with two personalities. One day, he completely lost it on me over something extremely minor and that was it. I could not take it anymore. I have never seen an adult man behave that way in my life. He had a complete meltdown/rage event and I was done. Run. Do not walk. Do not let them back in. They are skilled manipulators and they do not care if they hurt you.

[carlottaventi]

When I was with a covert narc I felt incredibly guilty like ALL the time. Yes, they use guilt big time so they can put their emotional baggage onto you.

[Cassibales]

It's scary when they throw a fit when told no.

[gregzeng]

The twenty signs, with timings, and the "signs" described.
3:35 The SHY Narcissist is self entitled, "rights", stressed, ...
1 3:58 Any suspicion of narcissism
2 9:10 Not a typical narcissist
3 11:10 Anxious, fretful, sobbing
4 13:42 Sneaky grandiose fantasies
5 14:31 Know that projected image is false
6 17:18 Arrogant, no apologies
7 18:12 Not confident, self-pity, isolation
8 18:20 Projected as "rescuer", good person
9 20:10 Guilt tripping
10 22:08 Extremely self centred, poor ego boundaries
11 24:01 Hypersensitive to criticism
12 25:33 Victim mentality
13 26:48 Project securities, defects onto partner
, inverted narcissism
14 29:29 Perfect childhood claimed
15 30:01 Ostensibly shy humble, rage, bitter,
16 32:42 Generally dysfunctional
17 34:16 Tendency to depression, pessimistic
18 34:55 Feels under appreciated
19 36:56 Tell lies; much shame; not admit fault
20 40:14 Target of narcissist is craziness

The "signs" above describe resemble the psychology of over-schooled persons. Helicopter parenting prevents the development of peer-to-peer social skills.
In my East Asian heritage, it is called "TIGER PARENTING". Over-supervision, lack of self-learning and lack spontaneous peer negotiation creates these SHY NARCISSISTS, in my opinion.

[BC-dmbi]

It took me until I was 52 years of age to realize wtf I’ve been dealing with for 24 years. I married a covert narcissist at 26, a single mom, vulnerable and swept off my feet. Years later, once I finished school, established a career and became more independent and confident, the mocking, belittling and complete emotional detachment and silent treatment began. I put up with it thinking it’s my fault and rationalizing..thinking at least he didn’t beat me or cheat on me or go to the bars..he was still a good man, just depressed. I ignored the exhausting gaslighting and his entitlement and was in such a state of depression for the last 3 years. I lost myself and had nothing left to give. Then he turned mean and full of contempt and angry over the smallest things. I finally left him and everything I owned and help build over these last 25 years in March. We were simply polite roommates at best, and couldn’t even have a conversation. After I served him divorce papers, he flipped out, made himself into a victim and has a new, younger woman already moved in. When I left, I was an anxious train wreck. I have a lot of recovery to do but now I have stopped blaming myself and understand wtf I’ve been dealing with. He’s a phony and everyone thinks he’s the nicest guy..always helping a neighbor, but it was for applause. He’s a racist and a miserable human being. Good riddance.

[laratroy]

I know a shy narcissist who does apologize, but the apologies are done in a vague, sad puppy, "please don't be mad at me" kind of way. They go something like this: "I'm sorry for whatever it is I did to make you mad. I don't know what it is but I apologize anyway." The "apologies" are meant more to feel out whether the other person is angry and to put on a display of submission to elicit pity and to make the other person stop confronting him about his behavior, or at least that's what my gut says.

[stefanseniuk]

A real danger is to obsess on learning what's happened to you and researching everything about narcissistic abuse. OK figure it out then let it go and move on. Becoming an amateur psychologist is keeping you connected to your abuser. Laugh, have fun, go for your dreams, make your life an exciting adventure. Your happiness is your victory...

[adnanmaruf]

That's a big one, the covert one makes you feel YOU are the narcissist!

[monthc]

This content is helpful for people with narcissistic tendencies too. I learned a LOT of really toxic behaviors from one of my parents, and it really helps to examine it so I don't end up unintentionally repeating the same toxic behaviors.