The Black Love Problem

This video was inspired by a comment left on my channel that is a typical one I receive. How have black relationships changed over time-- and how are modern black relationships a reflection of politics? And why am I, a historian, tackling this topic?! Happy Black Love Day, Valentine's Day, and Black History Month.

[Black marriage rates, celebrity relationships, sex history, Beyonce and Jay Z, Simone Biles, vasectomies, abortion, family planning, heterosexuality, fathers, Nick Cannon, NBA Youngboy, homophobia, LGBT, dating, Martin Luther King Jr, Coretta Scott, power couples, Malcolm X, Betty Shabazz, black femicide, Chicago Defender, Ebony Magazine, Jet Magazine, Love hurts, Diahann Carroll and James Earl Jones, Claudine, Welfare]

Videos:

Sources, essays, exclusive videos, a podcast, reading lists, and much more are available ON PATREON.

[Stratusfiedx]

Not opposed to marriage, but thank God it’s no longer required for me to survive.

[PrettyPrincess]

My grandma told me that she was only 15 when she met my grandfather and she had my uncle at 16. My grandfather was in his 20’s. She told me he cheated on her constantly, abused her, and he was an alcoholic. He died at the age of 39. Women did not have the same rights we have today. My grandma married for her survival. It’s time we end the debates on why marriage don’t last long today. 🙄

[doreensika]

I am African, and I realized a lot of women in my country marry out necessity and money not love. Some are in terrible marriages but can’t walk out cause the men hold gold and there is also a social stigma against divorced women, and or unmarried women at a certain age. If most of the women were independent, they wouldn’t marry half of the men that they do. So I completely get it.

[callalilly]

A lot of black women are not signing up for struggle love in droves like we used to and it's ruffling feathers.

[evafan]

A lot of the 'black love' that I've seen in media and in real life is full of toxicity.

[slawless]

"women don't impregnate themselves" haha I'm dying

[willowgreen]

After 10 years of marriage where I was holding my man down without having it reciprocated, I noticed men showing me a great deal of hostility to me because I was able to get much further in life as a single black woman and single mother than a married one. They can’t stand me but don’t recognize why I’ve made the choices I’ve made.

[escritora]

Years ago, my grandmother advised me to "test out all the cars" before getting married. She got married at 16 to my grandfather who was well into his 20s, most likely out of obligation - she was pregnant with my mom. She endured his physical and s*xual abuse, alcoholism, and cheating and was fortunate enough to be able to divorce him in the 70s. He eventually passed in the 80s. She's happy that I'm choosing to travel over settling down and having kids. I've noticed a lot of black grandmas and aunties that outlive their spouses advise young women not to get married, to focus on our health and education. They've lived through some horrifying but fascinating things and I've taken that to heart.

[yoyochan]

The statement that she isn't doing enough sharing history for the black community is wild... Ngl this might be one of the most informative channels on history for Black ppl on Youtube

[LittleMissDeeDee]

“Black love” is very much black male centred. When I think of the term, I think of a black woman who “holds a brother down” and turns a blind eye to his disloyal, unfaithful and abusive behaviour. I haven’t met a single black woman who upholds and pedestalises “black love” who has actually been in a healthy, loving relationship with a black man - it’s as if they’re chasing a fantasy instead of choosing men regardless of race who will provide a healthy relationship. “Black love” is not a reciprocal love. It’s a self sacrifice required of black women.

[dominoeharlee]

Lex said "fuck the haters" in the smartest and cutest way, while STILL continuing to educate the masses. I have no choice but to stan. Love ya! 💗

[herpderpy]

Studies have confirmed that men benefit from marriage much more than women do. Married men are happier, live longer and have a true emotional confidant since most men don't have anyone they can be emotionally vulnerable with among their peers. Unfortunately, with most married women, the opposite is true. They're less happy and don't live as long (even though they still tend to outlive men) as unmarried women. The manosphere online has emboldened a lot of men, especially younger ones to embrace misogyny and become bitter that they can't have the same level of control over their wives that their ancestors did. If a man's married and his wife gets sick not only to the point that she can't care for him but needs help caring for himself, he's SIX TIMES more likely to leave her (or cheat) than the other way around. There's no shame in being single, or being selective about who you choose to consider a long-term relationship with. Don't let the patriarchy gaslight you. Think about this when you hear guys talk about "old cat ladies" or some other foolishness. Why would they apply pressure for women to be in an institution that they didn't benefit from at our expense?

[TisHotMessHistory]

Thank you for fixing the black community with this video...because that's your job.
I love your sarcasm.

[YannaTes_Positivity]

So many generational curses as a community need to be broken before black love can truly thrive the way we want it to.

I love this rant/deep dive on black love.

[chickensalad]

Im not black, so i admit that im not super educated on this subject, but I've never understood why so many people say things like "black single mothers are the problem in black communities", as if the mother is wrong for being the one who chose to STAY. I almost never see black father's roles in this issue addressed except for when its used to speak negatively of black people. Imagine hating the parent who didnt leave.

[health_is_wealth]

Zora Neale Hurston was trying to get funding to conduct an anthropology study on Black Love! The powers to be got in the way. 😢 To me, videos like this are important. It's this generations chance to continue the study of black culture. Thank you, Lex! I appreciate your hard work!!! ❤❤❤

[CyberSecurityFashionDesigner]

I am a Palestinian 🇵🇸 and I relate to your content so much! We have a lot of the same issues in our community.
😢

[sabrinaestrada]

I tried black love. Didn't work out... but I raised two black kids who seem to have found it. ❤

[vmlksm]

Black love. The biggest LIE sold to black women. In real life black love consist of nothing but struggle & how much mental & physical pain a black woman can endure just to be uttered the words “you’re a real queen”

[Intentionaltia]

People talk about single mothers as if theyre the ones who abandoned their children and families wth. Fathers are creating fatherless homes, stop abandoning yall families.