Spinal Catastrophism: The Secret Story in Your Bones

On September 28th, 2021, while doing some research, I happened across a lengthy post on r/paleontology. It was an iceberg style meme, common for the time, exploring some of the stranger points of discussion in the history of paleontology. On the line between the fourth and fifth layers, far left, not yet midway through the depths of the post, a single phrase caught my attention. Spinal Catastrophism. $17.95, shipping, handling, and a standard business week later, I hit a brick wall of some of the densest intellectual work I’d ever come in contact with.
I took this as a challenge: I knew I needed to understand what this book was about, out of my own scholarly curiosity and pride as a stubborn psuedoacademic. Whether or not anyone else cared, I wanted to be able to say that I had conquered this bony beast of a book, and claimed whatever treasures lied within. I’m proud to say, I think I did. And now I want to share my findings with you. This video will break down, as full as I am capable, the themes, arguments, and logical flow of this Secret History, and bring us to the mind-breaking twist that awaits us at the story’s end.
At least, up through the first 19 chapters. This video only covers through the Thoracic Retrospect, the rest of the analysis will be in part 2.

Annotations for this first video:

Music Used - - - - -
Diego - Gwinn
Nebular Focus - Dan Henig
Tusk Act 2 - Gwinn
Play - Gravity Sound
Drifting @ 432 Hz - Unicorn Heads
Frightmare - Jimena Contreras
Stand Tall - Lena Raine
Evening Fall - Kevin MacLeod
Bottomsup Bay - Fossil Fighters
Glacier - Patrick Patrikios
Intelligensia - Godmode
Lament of the Ancients - Asher Fulero
Ancestry - Lena Raine
Nine Lives - Unicorn Heads
Hopeless - Jimena Contreras
Encephalon Deliberation - Kaedalus
My Train's A Coming - Unicorn Heads
Space Coast - Topher Mohr and Alex Elena
Namaste - Audionautix
Passing Time - Kevin MacLeod

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[pipolwes]

The backbone and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.

[sethsoarenson]

"Time is a secretion of the spinal column" is an argument I never expected in all of my future simulations

[Jontman]

As someone with scoliosis, the words Spinal Catastrophism instantly speak to me.

[weir-ty]

You really have to admire the 1800s human's ability to extrapolate entirely distinct scientific theories into an entirely new type of schizophrenia

[hipposeducer]

just commenting to help with the algorithm because only 11 views on an in-depth 1 hour 40 minute video is criminal

[geordiejones]

I love that I live in a time where virtually every cultural niche has both exposure and an engaged audience. The future archaeologists of the internet archives will truly have an ocean to explore.

[lanceobst]

TLDW: an academic schitzoposted a book about how the spine contains all knowledge, and through the study of the spine all things can be understood. Also the Progression of knowledge is both the cause for and result of trauma about every step along the evolutionary pathway to the point we are currently at. Put another way, there are echo’s of every point in time throughout the history of the universe, from the Big Bang, to abiogenesis, to the distant future, and the universe’s eventual heat death. These echos of the distant past and even more distant future can be understood through the study of things which have evolved. The spine is a thing that evolved, so we can find and understand these echos via studying the spine. I think I got it all?

[washedtoohot]

So when people tell me that I’ve got no backbone, I’m just not traumatized enough for them?

[khingzluv]

Spinal catastrophism is the name of my band now. Thank you.

[austinfleming]

It took me forever to finally finish this book because I had to keep reading other books to understand it. Felt like a gateway drug to a thousand side-quests.

[BULLTRONHERO]

Considering the massive intellectual endeavor of this video, you have my fullest and utmost support of your continued work on this. This video is my introduction to your channel, so I don't know if all the rest of your work is interesting to me or not; what I mean to say is, regardless of whatever else you get into, this topic alone has got me fully onboard. I'm going to donate or patreon or whatever you have up. Thank you for this. Truly, incredibly fascinating.

[karelsvobodnik]

I for one, as a spine owner can certainly confirm that anywhere after 28 it is a catastrophy.

[Jacob]

It’s nice to see that schizoposting has deep roots in human history.

[JerryAhlqvist]

As a swedish person watching this, i just broke my brain trying to autotranslate all those words and comprehend the meanings. I need a vacation.

[_frogerino]

i don’t think i understood a word of this but i still watched the whole thing

[pogostix]

Dude I should NOT have done gummies before watching this video

UPDATE: 2 weeks later and I do not remember this video or this comment but I was not wrong, this premise is bizarre even when you're not stoned

[dp]

This reminds me of a peculiar book I saw on Amazon and read simply because it sounded weird and interesting. It’s known as “The Filatory: Compendium I” and contains a chapter regarding the suspicion of one’s own body plotting and executing its own plans in spite of the mind. It characterizes the body itself as a type of super-agent and the mind as a mere means of accomplishing its goals. It was a fascinating read, though, apparently not well known.

[calmkat]

This dude heard the term "thinking with the wrong head" while thinking of spines, and unlocked something forbidden.

[coffeeandproofs]

I am absolutely OBSESSED with your verbal fluency, truly magnificent control over language in aid of illustrating obscure yet fantastical constructs, and have just truly just fell in love with your ability to convey ideas. I'm also only 13 minutes into the video, but felt profoundly compelled to pause it just to TAKE IN HOW MUCH I LOVED THE VIDEO.

It's videos like this that make life worthwhile. The beauty of just illustrated self-reflection on self-reflection (on self-reflection, on self-reflection, ..., ad infinitum). There's something uncharacteristically *human* or special.

So yeah, anyways, subscribed.

[Bonnie]

I don’t even know what to say. This was like a gift. I find the spine and bipedalism fascinating subjects. Thank you for doing the heavy lifting by actually reading this obscure treatise, and then delivering it succinctly, with humor. Thank you. I would gladly pay for future installments.