The EARLY WARNING SIGNS You're Dating A Narcissist & How They FOOL YOU! | Dr. Ramani

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On Today's Episode:

Do you casually throw a narcissist label on people simply because they were unkind, harsh, or brief with you? How do you know if a person is truly narcissistic or just experiencing emotions or a situation that hasn’t been communicated? In this episode of Women of Impact, Lisa Bilyeu speaks with Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, best-selling author, expert of narcissism and so much more. Dr. Ramani and Lisa go deep into the world of narcissism. Together they walk you through a complete journey to getting a better understanding of the narcissist, their motivators, and how you may be allowing yourself to be the victim. Dr Ramani begins with the 6 types of narcissistic behaviors and teaches you what the narcissistic game is and how you can play to win by removing yourself or taking responsibility for staying.




SHOW NOTES:

Define | Dr. Ramani explains what a narcissist is. [3:52]
Grandiose | Dr. Ramani defines the classical grandiose narcissist [3:53]
Covert | Dr. Ramani defines the covert narcissist [4:34]
Malignant | Dr. Ramani defines the malignant narcissist [5:01]
Communal | Dr Ramani defines the communal narcissist [5:35]
Neglectful | Dr Ramani defines the neglectful narcissist [6:10]
Self Righteous | Dr Ramani defines the self-righteous narcissist [6:42]
Insecurity | Dr. Ramani explains the relationship between narcissism and insecurity
Pathological Insecurity | Dr. Ramani explains the difference between Pathologically insecure and conventionally insecure [8:30]
Misconceptions | Dr. Ramani talks about the misconceptions of narcissism [11:02]
Relational Responsibility | Dr. Ramni explains the responsibility of respect, empathy and clarity[17:07]
Not Changing | Dr. Ramani explains what to do when they are not going to change [19:41]
Red Flags | Dr. Ramani reveals red flags to look for [20:40]
Rules of Three | Dr. Ramani breaks down rules of engagement with narcissistic people [21:00]
Wanting is Fine | Dr. Ramani explains it is okay to want what you want, but accept truth [23:22]
Devaluing Yourself | Dr. Ramni explains about devaluation of yourself dealing with narcissist [24:14]
The Game | Dr. Ramani reveals the narcissist's game [25:15]
Avoid the Trap | Dr. Ramani explains how to void the narcissistic trap [26:00]
Abandonment Issues | Dr. Ramani reveals narcissist have abandonment issues [26:30]
Holding Safe Space | Dr. Ramani explains holding space when you’ve hurt someone [28:25]
Communication | Dr. Ramani explains narcissistic people shut the lines of communication [29:45]
Conversations | Dr. Ramani talks about having conversations when you’ve been shut out [31:17]
Identify Narcissism | Dr. Ramani explains how important it is to identify these behaviors immediately [31:58]
Charisma | Dr. Ramani explains the connection between charismatic people and narcissist [32:28]
Changing a Narcissist | Dr. Ramani reveals her thoughts if narcissists can change their rigid behavior [37:17]
Men vs. Women Narcissists | Dr. Ramani explains social impact on behaviors that impact narcissistic behaviors in men and women [42:07]
Raising Kids | Dr. Ramani shares tips how to raise children to not be narcissistic [44:17]

QUOTES:
“With a narcissistic person, the earlier you leave the easier it is to extract. [...] The problem is, early in the game, the narcissist doesn’t like to lose, so they will try to suck you back, they will try to hoover you back, and that is very seductive” [25:17]

“You are disrespecting yourself staying in this conversation, and it’s just going to get more abusive, so there is no way forward.” [31:48]

“Charisma is like heavy perfume or cologne that someone that someone wears when they don’t take a shower, it’s probably covering up something else” [32:28]

“No one gets made a six month old baby for crying, [...] a narcissist wants to be treated like a six month old, have their tantrums, and still have people snuggle them afterwards.” [38:42]

FOLLOW Dr Ramani Durvasula:

[LisaBilyeu]

What was your favorite insight that Dr. Ramani shared?

[tajipershard]

My ex-husband yelled, “What about you? What about what you did?” What I did was react to his bad behavior in the relationship.

[jolesliewhitten]

Narcissists don’t get better. They get worse and worse. When you see what they are, plan quietly and run.

[leighn.]

When you are called "too sensitive" that IS gaslighting, period - it is an attempt to invalidate your experience. Everyone is allowed to feel whatever they want, to be as sensitive as they want. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you are too anything!

[ThornyRoseV]

One clear behaviour is that when they hurt you they tell you that you are overreacting and emotional and turn it around and act like they are the victim because of how you reacted.

[sunshinedayz]

Narcissists think that they are never wrong. They think that the issue or issues are always someone else. They will never give in. So, if you have a tendency to self reflect and think that it could possibly be your fault, you will always take the blame and the responsibility., they will push the blame to you.Then the cycle begins. They blame and you take all of the responsibility. So sad.
This breaks us down. It breaks down our boundaries and our self esteem.

[TeaLaRee]

Once you survive narcissistic abuse you can survive anything 💯. Set your boundaries and NEVER allow someone to disrespect you. ❤ Mine was a religious malignant and the key was moving too fast, pushing and overly sensitive to criticism or given a NO. If someone reacts badly to a no or disagreement from you but says you are their soulmate from the beginning stages RUN. This 3 month relationship had me in therapy for a year because of the mind F of it. Do YOUR inner work.

[breatheliveandthrive]

common trait of narcissism both male and female is they are quick to mock and pinpoint people's physical flaws! This really enrages me to the core.

[diva]

I’m in middle of trying to escape my malignant narcissist husband. The abuse is terrible, especially when he makes everyone think you’re crazy. I don’t care anymore if ppl think i’m nuts, i getting out and not looking back.

[transformwithlev]

Empaths need to be super wary of narcissists because they are manipulative takers that take advantage of kind empathic givers.

[vvagmita]

My favourite insight: If someone shows no willingness to make a difference unless there’s some threat or fear of consequence, that relationship is too toxic to endure. It’s a sign that something is not okay. Repeating the same patterns of behaviour day after day even when you see someone burn out before your eyes, is not healthy by any stretch of imagination. I find myself in a really difficult relationship. I’ve noticed that unless I raise the stakes, unless there is fear of a walk-out, there’s not enough motivation to change anything. This is rather childish. People try to course-correct when they see things going wrong. They don’t wait for everything to collapse. If someone wakes up only when you have one foot out of the door, if they’re not attentive and respectful enough to ease all the needless pain, if they repeat the same old cycle until they’re served an ultimatum, things are really, really not okay. This has been the real takeaway from this discussion.

[fracturedfairytales]

“Education about Narcissism is so important”🎯🎯🎯💜

[kessleepayne]

The part about how the narcissist’s motivation for change is because of their own emptiness versus the hurt they caused someone else is huge!!!

[beautyfrmwithin]

Dr. Ramani is She helps so many people who have or are experiencing narcissistic abuse. She has created a safe space for people to be heard. And she gives us so much information about the red flags to watch out for. I adore her!!!!❤️

[CutestTheGame]

My favorite powerful quote from this interview was that in healthy communication about a conflict, there has to be respect, empathy and clarity on both sides of the conversation.

[deakdeak]

"Secure people don't lash out constantly at others"

[j.munday]

One thing I weirdly love about Dr. Ramani is how her hair is always kind of a mess. It feels comfortable to me in a way, like you're talking to a wise aunt who just woke up but you're her #1 priority to help.

[HeatherDMorris]

Set boundaries. If they break them with no regard to your feeling then there ya go !

[sannajohanna]

The narcissistic trap is really confusing because when you are not aware of it, it makes you act in weird ways, too. Finally, you see that you do not like yourself at all in that relationship. It, at last, should be a reason to leave.

[AndrewTanielian]

“Insecurity that is unprocessed.” is a great and understandable way to put that. This interview is incredibly thoughtful!