You're not BROKEN, you have a PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR that is. | Mel Robbins

We all have patterns of behavior or thinking that drive us crazy and that keep us stuck. This is NOT unique to you. So if you’re frustrated with yourself or just sick and tired of making the same mistakes or feeling trapped by the same patterns, @lewishowes and I have a gift for you.

Watch this video then watch it again. The secret to changing your life is changing the patterns that make you feel broken. Anywhere in your life where you feel frustrated, stuck, unhappy, or overwhelmed, YOU are not broken-- you just have a PATTERN of behavior that is broken. Find the pattern, replace it with something better, and you will fix your life and free yourself.

The biggest pattern that blocked me was people pleasing. The hardest part was seeing it. But once I identified it was a problem, I saw it everywhere. I would rather have you like me than be happy or feel free. No wonder my life wasn’t working… Until you spot and replace the patterns that are broken, you will never create the life that’s meant for you. I don’t care how awful or atrocious your past was or how many mistakes you’ve made, you can always create a new future by creating new patterns.

THAT’S how you change your life. One pattern at a time.

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[AhmetKaan]

You have to fight through the worst days of your life to get to the best days of your life.

*I hope you never ever give up. 💯*

[Emily]

This is definitely me. I keep making decisions that lead me back the square one. This year I'm finishing a contract, saving money and figuring it out. Wish me luck!

[brentreid]

being used to something is the biggest reason why people don't change....How true is that...my new mantra...One pattern at a time

[yashthehuman]

thank you so much, I really needed it!

[dangnzlez]

“You have a pattern of thinking”. Love this. 👍

[SY-spuo]

We all have some kind of problems.
Don't be hard on yourself! :)

[cathymicallef]

Good morning. Thank you Mel. Have a great weekend 😘

[LivingSwedish]

Love that! ❤️ Every human being is gorgeous! Some people just had a tough start in their life and that made them feel worthless. YOU ARE NOT!! 😘🙋🏻‍♀️

[loveiverwashereasherself]

Mel
You
Are
Great!
I’d watch your show on tv when I still could!!!
Thanxxx for the topics and advice you provide to so many! It’s appreciated immensely by me!!!🌻💌💣

[Unicorn-uiho]

I have been working for about 5 years of trying to break patterns I learned from my parents. One of them wasn't there until I was about 16...
However, the other one gets in my head, their patterns are stuck in my head... In me I fell. And I DO NOT EVER want to be the person they are, the parent they are... ANY OF THAT! I know that is common to hear, that people don't want to be their parents.
However, mine are emotionally abusive, etc. I get taken advantage of because I am a people pleaser to a further extent than usual, I would say. I get bullied, people try to manipulate, trick, and take advantage of me because of the fact that I try to be too nice, going against how mean they were/are. The complete opposite? I didn't learn to speak up for myself, because if I did, I'de lose basic needs and love and just would get taken down emotionally, and do now still to this day. It takes one of them 2 minutes to break me down. I start shaking and am confused from gaslighting, filled with worry, anxiety, fear, so need this 5 second rule to keep moving, and do it without either of their support.
I guess it includes neglection as they took basic needs a lot, then and now to our relationship, and I need to reparent myself. I have the realization, and am working on support and starting the steps to do that.
They are both bullies, both narcassistic, and both really hate each other. I would guess they don't like themselves very much, and they show they don't like me. They will NEVER EVER say they are proud of me. When I have learned to speak up to their abuse at times, I am learning to set boundaries, and keep them out of my life when they go into those days, weeks, months whatever it is of narcassistic manipulation emotional abuse all of that.
This last time one of them literally stole money from me, and when I spoke up about it, took me down. Told me recently when I said how come you never tell me what I do right? Their response? Because you don't do anything right. OMG I am in college my own apartment own car homeschooling as a teacher, living with no financial support from them, keeping appts for self development, and for resources to help support me so I don't need anyone to help support me financially, like housing, foodstamps, etc. Any of it to get through college as a single parent w no help lol. I do a lot right everyday all day! I don't even sleep sometimes right now because I homeschool/teach her in the day, all day, and be a college student literally ALL night sometimes til the morning for her school... Not totally good for self, but teachers are WAY overdoing it right now. Sooo I have no choice but to do the work they give, and hope I find support who understands and will listen.
And the other one told me they were going to take away their "help", which they don't even give "help" to begin with, and "moral support", which I don't feel they really give either, from me for a month.
I am a 27 year old single mama. I will work my a## off to not do these things to my kid EVER EVER she is the most sweet beautiful pretty smart intelligent, more intelligent and logical than most or any kids her age, 7, that I know, and I sit with her in class right now homeschooling.
I do all I can, I go to appts, I watch these videos, I set boundaries and keep my parents out of my life when they go to far, and mostly, I involve in self development videos, and self development appointments as much as possible.
My career is psychology... Hmmm I wonder why!? Lol. I want to learn how they gaslight, trick, manipulate, guilt me when I do nothing wrong and literally steal money from me and when I say yes you need to pay me back this time!! How to set boundaries so I don't get hurt and taken advantage of everyday. They ignore the fact that they are stealing money from me and cry about it and start narcassistically abusing emotionally abusing manipulating guilting all of that to avoid paying me back. They avoid even bringing it up, and if I bring it up, and sort of "speak up" about it, oh no.. I get torn down to the ground.. I haven't heard about it in a month from them, but I have set a boundary with them. BOTH! AT THE SAME TIME! So, they make me feel and just make me think I NEED THEM! I NEED THEIR SUPPORT THEIR "LOVE" "help" "moral support". I need for them to be proud of me, to not disappoint, to do more and more. That I need them to support me and listen to my stressors.. (single parent homeschooling right now as a teacher, as a student in college, keeping resources like housing to support us, foodstamps all of that) I literally stress the F out sometimes and need to talk to somebody.. Right?
One of them tells me to get over it and do it myself I shouldn't be needing anybody and they are helping me by not helping me... hahahahaha omg that is NOT the worst but it is an example. I learned in psychology... through videos, like yours too, that people need people! My career confirms that! They just don't want to help me.. They remember things that didn't really happen, and try to make me believe them.. gaslighting?
Anyways.. I just work my a## off to not be the parent they are EVER and I feel I go against a lot of their habits, almost all of them, especially helping my kid. I always help her of course, I am there for her, I dont threaten to take my help! I don;t say do it yourself you shouldn't be needing help from anyone... I don't steal from her omg.. I can't imagine doing that to her now, or later.

The point is, making that routine to better yourself and break the patterns takes a while. A habit takes a while to form, and even then you still have to work at it. Motivation, reason, determination is what gets me through. Knowing graduation, self development, changing myself, and the world for the better. Knowing my kid needs to see me graduate, do the right thing. Knowing some of the psychology like these videos teach. All of it matches what I study in my career in college. It is all true.
ANOTHER IMPORTANT THING I AM PUTTING IN CAPITAL LETTERS TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT I HAVE FOUND SO MUCH SUPPORT HERE. SO MUCH FULFILLING INSIDE ME. THE HOLES THAT I HAVE DEEP DOWN FILL UP. THE STRESS AND ANXIETY THAT NO ONE WILL LOVE ME, NO ONE WILL HELP ME, OR SUPPORT ME SETTLES BECAUSE I HAVE FOUND THIS COMMUNITY OF PEOPLE DOING THE SAME THING..
I HEAR MEL SAY IF NO ONE HAS TOLD YOU I LOVE YOU, I WILL TELL YOU! I LOVE YOU! EVERYONE IS DOING THE SAME THING IN THE GENERAL WAY OF BETTERING YOURSELF LIKE ME! SELF DEVELOPMENT. IT HAS HELPED ME THROUGH SETTING BOUNDARIES WITH THEM, REMINDING MYSELF TO LOVE MYSELF, I DON'T NEED THEM, KNOWING YOU ALL CARE FOR ME AND EVERYONE IN THIS COMMUNITY HAS HELPED ME THROUGH. I LOVE YOU ALL BACK AND THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!

[choosengeneration]

It is clear if u live for long in chaotic family so this kind of thing became familiar to u and u keep live in that pain and u think that is normal even though u know it but u don't stop it it feels like normal routine and when u meet new people u should have to live the past in the past and live your future with good expectation if not it will ruine all the relationship u will have coz the first thing u have to do it changing your mind set .thank u mel so helpful god bless u and we love u .

[sfgirly]

Y O U. A R E. T H E. B E S T ! listening to you. . never fails to energize me to keep my healthy habits going, after 20 years of failed life style changes, listening to you and your simple (but not easy) words echo in my brain and pushes me to do those things that make my life so much better. Sending you a BIG HUG.

[miafarrin]

Just the headline that I needed! But what about if you had a good childhood and I still feel like I’m spinning! I do tend to “like” the familiar and resist change, but I want to change a lot about me and think I can, but I slip down into the familiar. I want to succeed and have dreams, so I guess I’m part way on my journey! Thanks Mel!

[alesiaturner]

Wow 😳 that so true thank you 😊 for opening up my eyes 👀 and telling me and reminding me to let go and look 👀 objectily of what I need to change. I needed to hear 👂 this.

[RozzaMindset]

Love School of Greatness! Fully agree with you, Mel, humans are pattern learning machines! Open your mind to a new pattern of thinking and your life will change! Thank you for sharing with us 🧡

[mahamo]

Is that what you want? Or something that you used too!
Wow🙏✨

[AhmetKaan]

*Day one or one day.* *You decide.*

If you saw this comment, I hope today will be the day one for you. 🖤

[VM-vtmf]

I recently quit my highly paid job because of a narcissist boss and ended a toxic mariage, two best decisions of my life!

[TheChannelLife]

You are so right! I totally see myself using those patterns! You talk about intentional work, what do you mean by that? I don't know at all how I can change those patterns

[gabumichael]

Thank you Mel and team, as always your time spent to help others is very appreciated. What if the pattern is physical? For instance I live off an ave of 3/hrs sleep per night from physical pain waking me up for years and am just utterly exhausted all day every day. After trying everything but spinal surgery which is not worth the risk in my case, any suggestions on changing patterns that are physical. After years of working with medical professionals from therapists, tcm, naturopaths, to specialists, etc, they have no idea what to do to resolve it, even on medications, supplements, etc I still rotate around ave 3hrs broken up sleep within a 8-10 hr sleep window.

I already have an iron clad evening routine and morning routine, go to bed early, turn off all electronics hours before bed, no electronics in bedroom, exercise within what I can do, eat well even though lack of sleep makes me lose my appetite, drink water, no caffeine, meditate, go to another room and read, etc. etc. etc.

Living off such little sleep gives me very small windows to accomplish even small things like laundry, cooking a meal or errands, just basic focus and communication are very difficult, let alone my dreams. Any ideas would be appreciated. Part of my morning routine is the 5 sec journal and now "the one thing I'm looking forward to for the day" has been changing to looking forward to night as soon as I wake up, because maybe it will be the night I will be able to sleep. In over a year of doing the journal I've only hit the feeling good on the "today I feel gauge" twice. I'm usually in the depleted/meh area.
Thank you.