Growing Up 'Ugly' | Surgeon Reacts

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[ayla]

She wasn’t ugly she was literally just a kid. We all have an ugly phase as preteens. No one expects a 12 year old to look like a supermodel.

[MossyMozart]

Growing up as kids, my brother always told me how ugly I was. Finally, in my late teens, he said that he didn't mean it; he only said that so "I wouldn't get a swelled head". But too late, the damage was already done. My mother didn't help, either. When people remarked how handsome my brother was, she would "defend" me by saying that I was 'very smart'. I absorbed their messages. Now, I can only look at myself as deeply unattractive. Oh, well.

[PointSoldiers]

I can't believe a NORMAL photo of a normal kid was accompanied by scream music!! She remains deeply entrenched in the beauty sphere mindset if such a normal and honestly cute photo is horrifying. Every person watching this has similar photos of themselves. Let alone how would someone with a facial difference feel seeing this? She still has a lot of internal growing to do.

[orangetreevintagewaresotvw]

I am a nana to an adopted 10 year old girl who is now 14. She was adopted from China when she was 10. She looked quite similar to your young pictures. I thought she was totally beautiful. She did not think so. I told her she was. I am a 64 year old white woman who had insecurities my whole life as to how I looked because I have 3 sisters who were beautiful and 2 very handsome brothers. I was never told I was beautiful or attractive. I was extremely shy because of it. I told my three kids they were all beautiful every day, and that I loved them. They have great self esteem. I had loving parents, but never said I was attractive. The most attractive I ever was was when my husband fell in love with me and told me I was beautiful. During that time I had many men ask me for dates. It is not a coincidence that he made me feel beautiful, and then I was. I tell my grand daughter she is beautiful every time I talk to her....and she now believes it. She is the most beautiful child, and I am so glad she can see it in her now in her life. At 64, I now have the highest esteem I have ever had for myself, and feel better about my self than I ever have before. I finally love myself. Took awhile...but I'm glad it finally happened. If it happened for me, it can happen for anyone. Truly.

[Sunflowersarepretty]

She wasn't even "ugly" as a young girl. Her talking about her achievements made me proud because I hardly it these days. Its always "I got plastic surgery and now I'm the prettiest and my happiest" which is great. I'm not anti plastic surgery but this is getting too far with people who are developing insecurities and then changing their faces completely. Like there is more to life than being obsessed with looks.

[tzeimi_]

I relate to her story so much. My aunts would call me ugly & weird. Now they wonder why I don’t speak to them lol I feel confident in my skin now

[toniacollinske]

She was not ugly. Those trolls were ugly, skin deep. There's a lot to be said for finding your personal style. There are lots of people who are that ideally good looking but still exude charisma and magnetism. It takes trial and error to develop style but once you find it, it's comfortable to be in. Nothing exudes style like self confidence and a kind heart.

[Moi_]

I grew up being called ugly. Was even told no dude would want me, it is true. Every dude I dated admitted they did not find me attractive just a really cool personality, but that wasn't enough. They were even embarrassed to hold my hand in public. In spite of all that, I protect myself and cared for my self-esteem. Dont date and enjoy myself.

[KittySkyfish]

Her before photos are of an adolescent girl, which is a timeframe when many cute girls get a case of awkwardness. A lot of us simply grow out of it as we develop mature features and form. Dressing and grooming to be invisible in the adolescent slump will make the awkwardness appear worse.

[ajd]

As one of your older viewers, I really appreciate growing up in a time when people weren't so self-obsessed with their looks. Despite the woman's claim that she has interests and achievements, she still refers to herself as a really ugly kid and she wasn't. Maybe time to let that go and look outwards, Being interested in other people and being compassionate will leave less time to concentrate on the me, me, me culture. I appreciate your balanced view, Dr Linkov.

[Em-gjsg]

Looks do matter, good looking people will never understand
She was never ugly, just didn't put effort into her appearance

[elfhybrid]

Amen girly! I used to weigh 310 lbs and I swear i tried almost everything to lose weight due to family, friends, school mates bullying from elementary to high school. On top of that I was in constant pain, and nothing seemed to work...UNTIL I changed my goal to just be healthy and not just physically but mentally. And naturally I felt more energy, motivation, I learned new interest and hobbies, I became spiritual. And at this moment I weigh 183 lbs. Glow up on the inside first ✨️💪

[shelleylee]

First time i heard you say "unattractive" where she says she felt ugly. I think you acknowledged her feelings in a positive manner. Thanks!

[Notmatahari]

I feel like often times when we call ourselves ‘ugly’, we don’t actually mean we’re ugly in a repulsive way, but rather we don’t look ‘good enough’ in a way that makes us recognizable as the ‘pretty one’ who stands out from the crowd. We went to the same girls’ school back in Hong Kong and she was a few years my senior. From what I can remember she just had a really boyish style and looked like a typical middle school teen.

[elizabethcheatham]

Who tells a child/ young girl they are ugly? Especially family?

[MrIsaac]

It’s easy to say “the glow-up needs to happen on the inside” when the outside has been revamped (and, perhaps, for good reason...)

Being 2894929281781919% honest, we all have insecurities and it’s always best when the “glow-up” happens on BOTH the outside and the inside! ❤

[CampLJNC]

Opposing viewpoint: I grew up hearing how pretty I was from my family all the time, but found out that not everyone has the same opinion. (Ha ha). Also, not everyone likes you just because you're pretty. (Some people Dislike you because of that!) And, I would often feel insecure if my hair, makeup, and outfit didn't turn out just right.
Anyway, I tried to raise my kids differently focusing on complimenting their character. (Of course, I think they're good looking as well!)

[michelem]

From Psychology Today: "Based on these findings, you should avoid praising your children about areas over which they have no control. This includes any innate and unalterable ability such as intelligence, physical attractiveness, or athletic or artistic gifts. You should direct your praise to areas over which your children have control — effort, attitude, responsibility, commitment, discipline, focus, decision making, compassion, generosity, respect, love, the list goes on. You should look at why exactly your children did something well and specifically praise those areas. For example, "You worked so hard preparing for this test, " "You were so focused during the entire chess match, " and "You were so generous for sharing with your sister.""

[Iflie]

Oof, i think some asian cultures are really rough on kids and their looks. Skintone, nose shape, they start so young. Even american culture I think still emphasizes beauty so much that kids think being pretty is being "good". I would hate to grow up with that and social media like the kids do today. I didn't think when I was a teen we obsessed over it, we wore almost no make up big sweaters and jeans of no brands. Other girls dressed up but it didn't make a huge difference. Everyone was spotted and awkward. Now teens have clear skin and the boys don't all have a buzcut.

[kristencurtis]

I assumed everyone (especially girls) felt this way in middle school and even in high school. It's awkward and difficult to grow into yourself.

She wasn't ugly by any means. She was young and adorable. She looked like an ordinary child!