Double Standards, how they are used to Control You.

Double standards and control go hand in hand. There may be people right now in your life who demonstrate these behaviors. Most often, people are allowed to do whatever they want, but when it comes to us, we must do certain things the way they want us to. They try to enforce rules on us to control our actions, but those rules do not apply to them. This is a method of control, a way for them to control how and what we do. It is known as a double standard.

[aljazkolar]

My narcissistic parents, particularly my father had tons and tons of his ''rules'' none of which applied to him. I think that's the reason for why i mostly remember feeling confused throughout my childhood.
It's 6 years since i've last talked to him and the reason for this is, i did a thing that made him ''disappointed'' and up to that point i've had my fill with his double standards, so i told him about a thing that he did that made me feel disappointed and he was like : how dare you.
Btw i was 18 years old and he was 46. Completely immature, can't see past himself AT ALL.

[bridgetuhl-qriq]

Each time I would try to set a boundary, he would answer back with a controlling expectation, saying that is his boundary... so frustrating...

[brendarudman]

My sister - when she was broke and wanted to borrow money from people and they said no, then she'd bring in religion:"
His money wont take him to heaven", "He's selfish, stingy" but when we went through hard times she'd tell us "Give me, give me, my name is Jimmy, get your own stuff" blah blah blah
When she wanted my last drop of perfume to spray in the air for air freshner and i refused, i was met with a torrent of abuse"Youre selfish, you've always been stingy! "
When i first asked her just to spray hers on my pulse to smell it, she went bonkers
She said no
She may say no but I may not
We do NOT get along
I can't stand her hypocrisy and double standards
Brother is the same
I wish we could choose our family😢

[harmonyvaneaton]

My abuser wrote in a journal “the laws the govern other people do not apply to me”. Self awareness doesn’t equal safety.

[jasonandmaryelizabethbarkl]

Ashley, you are so spot on. I am 52 years old now. So when I was around 28 years old my family would go over to my brother and sister-in-law's house for special occasions. My husband and I had a son he was around 2 years old. My sister in law had 4 children.She is 6 years older than my husband and me.. When ever my sister-in-law's parents came over for special occasions, my sister in law, who who drank and smoke, would hide it from her parents and tell me I was not allowed to have a drink in front of them even if it was not at their home.
would tell me I was not allowed to have a glass of wine or drink in front of her parents.

[joanalbano]

This a great description of someone in my life. Can’t reveal too much on social media. When we ignore this person and their directives, they continue complaining loudly, interrupting, finding minor issues to be upset about. Seems attention seeking, is disruptive and a real downer. And the person gets increasingly mad but doesn’t change standards or behavior. Very self focused, black and white thinking, doesn’t see others’ perspectives, when you point out their hypocrisy they reply with excuses and blame. We try to minimize their influence and ignore their bad behavior. Other suggestions welcome. Trying not to terminate the relationship although their behavior has made this a challenge. Family has recently aligned around ignoring bed behavior and not cooperating with demands. After a few months, the behavior seems to not have changed much. You never know when an angry rant will begin.

[jasminflower]

I had that kind of boyfriend, it s awful...And he thought he is above me

[Ninabeana]

My spouse of 12 years and I are separated, he constantly and currently still does this. He could snap and say the worst things humanly possible because I didn’t agree with him or behave the way he imagined our day going. But if I just wake up and I’m cranky for one or two sentences. I can apologize and it doesn’t matter how many times, he will most likely ignore me for days at a time, leave my house and not show up again for days, won’t answer a text for hours, when I’m asking him important things about the children. Then he will finally say oh I was busy. Other times I’ll ask him if he’s mad at me because he’s sitting there staring at the floor and I can feel his anger. He’ll say I’m fine. Then if I asked twice he’ll snap at me saying “Why are you always making up problems out of thin air Maybe it’s you that isn’t happy, I simply cannot exist around you without you assuming my feelings, trying to control me, why do you always start an argument?” Meanwhile, I haven’t said anything just are you OK, or are you upset, tired, not feeling well or is something bothering you. All day I can feel hs resentment towards me, he’s ignoring me like he literally does not hear me I can talk straight to his face, he will either be on his phone, staring at the floor, and just not even noticing me. But what’s funny is that he’ll text me and expect an answer right away when he needs something. Or he’ll come around being all lovey-dovey if he thinks he gonna get something.
The funny thing about the situation is that I have learned to love myself, and his crap doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. Yes, it’s quite annoying and I do speak about it in therapy and in forums. But at this point HE is the one missing out. I’ve put my best efforts in and I’ve tried everything that I’ve worked on in therapy and nothing works. So I’ve learned to accept that it’s close to impossible for him to change these ways. I’ve lost most of the hope I had.

[belamourbeauty]

My partner does this but it's with his family. His family gets away with murder but holds me and my son to a different standard. The most annoying this in my life

[kris-]

My boyfriend will tell me I shouldn’t be doing something he did just a few days earlier. I assumed in his mind it’s okay for him because he is less impulsive than me.

[shaunicemaniti]

What happens if a partner leverages the double standard are advice and “leadership” in our relationship and now it’s coming off as I am being combative if I say something about it

[AceQuickScope]

I stay quiet until I fk up and do something stupid. I hate getting resentment what do i do

[alcudiababe]

Okay, take the Jay walking example. They tell you you need to wait till the light is green and then one day you see them crossing when the signs on red. You're like aha! Busted. So you raise this point up the next time you talk to them and they'll still do that laugh, that mocking you're so stupid laugh. "I listened to the road, I could see there were no cars coming. I tell you this because you have no spacial awareness." So they'll actually give a reason why they can and you can't. It's like they're telling you why you are so stupid

[melanierose]

My partner does this but with friends of the opposite sex. He gets insecure about male friends and even went through my phone. He is allowed to keep old hookups on his social media. If I did that, he would not be happy.

[brendarudman]

Exactly how my 2 siblings are
It is so frustrating😮😢

[melkerner]

Wives and husbands - Wives can remove physical intimacy without discussion or agreement - but Men are REQUIRED to continue to live up to their relationship obligations (offering affection, giving emotional support, etc..). Husband is kept on a tight reign of activity window availability, while the Wife plays on her phone or social media while if the kids are going to eat something more than crap fast food - dinner must be made by someone. Checked out and the law does not apply

[richardstemle]

If you are doing something that causes you to act negatively and inhibit another’s well being directly, you should reassess the situation. It would be generous of another to do the same if they don’t share the same issue.

[markjones]

Like conservatives and the rest of I'm the captain of my ship. If you don't like it, i have life boats; you can leave.