The one question you fear in early dating stages

connect

starring -
Melissa Macedo
Michelle Macedo

shot by John Lee

grip - Melissa Gasca

sound - Jason Mobley

edited by Ben Chinapen

gfx by Bethany Radloff

[seemranhoro]

"No relationships are ever waste of time. If it didn't bring you What you want, it taught you what you didn't want."

[Cupofgo]

It's great to ask yourself both "What do I want or need from this relationship" and also "What can I bring to this relationship?". Also it's great to realize you don't have get all of your needs met by one relationship.

[quantumhorizon]

"We all want freedom, and we all want security." The irony is that I've always found both when truly and fully single and neither when romantically involved with another person. I guess that makes it a life story over love story decision.

[YOGGaming]

I actually had this conversation yesterday with the girl I am dating, it's been about a month now. I phrased the question differently; I asked her where she felt this relationship was going and what follow up with what she wanted to get out of it. and I'm very happy I did ask her as we were very aligned on everything, and it made us grow a lot closer together. vulnerability is definitely scary. But it's worth it.

[alissa]

"what are we?" seems like a strange question that both gives the other party the power to make all the decisions and puts pressure on them to choose from an infinite number of possibilities with little insight as to your preferred answer. i think more honest ways to go about it might be "what are you looking for?", "where do you see this going?", "do you want [what i want]?" or perhaps most openly: "hey so this is what i've been feeling lately, what do you think about that?"

[KristiContemplates]

The "So, what are we?" asked genuinely is an indication of someone who wants to communicate and isn't afraid to say 'I don't know how to mind read and I acknowledge that your signals might not have the same language as my experience of signals'.

Conversely, can also be a manipulative pressure tactic.

Either way, it's time to have "the conversation"

Remember, you are loveable and loved

[LiamRappaport]

In my life, this keeps being framed as “so…what are you looking for?” Not a super scary question though.

[angelam.]

Hi Anna. I'm in my early thirties and on an intense healing journey from an abusive childhood. My life is improving, but it's meant separating myself from toxic family and community in order to focus my efforts on my career and financial footing. It's been lonely. But it's Youtubers like you who have helped me feel less alone, less crazy and more human. Just wanted so say thanks for your videos, from the bottom of my heart. <3

[cooperdeniro]

I don't usually "Like" videos, mainly out of sheer laziness. But that one line: *We're all in therapy to deal with all of you who are not in therapy* is golden lol if I could like it twice I would.

[pageperpage]

A lot of people desire stability but reject the boredom that comes with it, while claiming to stay away from toxicity and red flags, but being drawn to the excitement that's on the other side of that coin. Life can be a paradox. And communication, awareness, these are the keys to start things off, build a good foundation.

[omarcillo]

Something interesting to ponder: relationships evolve and change over time, they're never static, it's valid to ask ourselves "what are we right now", and "" do I want to keep on going like this?".

[philosusphie]

You said the sentence "relationships are meant to change us" like a quick afterthought but I feel like it's a big statement and I'm definitely intrigued

[traveler-a]

Wait, didn’t you release this somewhere else before, I swear I’m getting major deja vu. Also love the everything everywhere all at once reference, love that movie

[mrscarter]

I’ve learned honesty is the best policy. I’m almost 40 & I just cut to the chase.
When I started dating my now boyfriend I told him straight up that I was dating to find someone who is looking for a serious relationship. Luckily for me he was on the same page.

He and I are both getting older (he’s 43) and we ain’t got that kind of time to be kicking the can down the road so to speak.

[chrismccall]

This conversation is known as the DTR talk, or “Define The Relationship” talk. I learned that from my 22 yr old daughter, she’s awesome! Im surprised Anna didn’t know this.😊

[vanessasunil]

Whenever I'm dealing with a tough life situation, u always seem to have the exact advice I need
Love u lotsss Anna <3

[greeble]

"we're all in therapy to deal with all of you who are not in therapy" OOOOHHH SHOTS FIRED TELL THAT TO MY SOCIOPATHIC DAD

[blckctnmd]

Aaaahhhh I'm loving all this Esther Perel content!!!! I've learnt so much from her. My relational and emotional vocabulary has truly expanded because of her work!

[filipgasic]

This seems like someone having commitment issues and still wanting to explore in relationships. Maybe having a thrill of undefined relationship is greater than getting a definitive answer. Just a thought

[TheJadedJames]

"What are we?" is too confrontational for me to imagine saying. I have however, pulled conversations in this direction by just reminding the girl I've already been dating for weeks that I like her romantically, so I can search out how she feels. The last time I did this, I got faded out on though, but it probably would have happened faster if I'd used to words "What are we?"