Should We Stop IVF?

A lot has changed in our IVF journey recently. If you're new, we started IVF in Italy last year and over the last 12 months, have gone through one egg retrieval, a third laparoscopy for stage 4 endometriosis, an ER visit, a new 10 cm cyst, a fourth laparoscopy for endometriosis, two failed embryo transfers, an ovarian cyst rupture and now, we recently got the news that my AMH (which has always been at the optimal level) has dropped to almost 0. Now it's time to make some decisions, especially given that our timeline has gotten a lot shorter if we choose to continue IVF. In this video, we explore our different options as we try to decide what's next.

Thank you for all of your love and support! Don't forget to subscribe and turn on the bell so you never miss a new video! You can also follow us on our other socials below! Ciao for now! -Jessi and Alessio

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[ThePasinis]

Some additional info for those that are commenting without watching our past videos and without fully understanding the statement about leaving our cat for the 40 days in Italy.

1. You have to understand that it's not simply a "40 day trip" and that's that. Those 40 consecutive days would be just the beginning if the egg retrieval is successful. After those 40 days, we would be back in the US for 3 weeks, then return to Italy for 2.5 weeks to do an embryo transfer, then back to the US...and repeat until all embryos are finished or a pregnancy is achieved. So while it may seem simple to say- "oh! Just leave your cat with a family member for 40 days", it's actually not simple at all when you're looking at the big picture over the next 6 months or so. We also love our cat dearly (only those in a similar situation can understand) and couldn't possibly leave her for months and months and just move to Italy. It would cause us immense stress and as we all know, that's not good for IVF either. We're considering the option to pursue IVF in the US in order to eliminate as much stress as possible. We also have to take into consideration all of the time we've already had to leave her with people over the last few trips we've made to Italy for surgery and embryo transfers. That already totals over 60 days since this past summer.

2. Next, Italy WAS less expensive than the US when we first began. NOW, with the upcoming back and forth, plus travel expenses, living expenses, rental car, etc, it is much closer to the cost of the US. It no longer looks like a big enough difference to let that alone make the call.

3. We don't know that the US clinic will turn us away. We still have to talk to them. They might have no problem at all with my AMH.

4. We've made many videos talking about adoption. We are absolutely pro-adoption under the right circumstances. We know many people who were adopted/ have adopted. However, we think the worst thing is to adopt just to fill a void before you've done the necessary counseling, emotional work, grieving, etc. after going through infertility. It's not fair to an adopted child to be considered a "back-up" option. Right now, our focus is on IVF and finishing that journey before looking at any next steps.

Obviously we are still discussing and exploring our options and will do an update video with the plan. We really appreciate those that always support us and leave thoughtful comments. It's not easy to put ourselves out there and share this stuff online, but we committed to sharing the full experience, positive or negative.

[jenns]

Whatever you choose, you have each other. Only you know what is the best and you’ll know what the right decision is for you.

[angelkz]

I see the disappointment and stress in your eyes. Prayers you find peace in your choices. Bless you both in the coming days of these very difficult decisions.

[markusolofzon]

My parents tried absolutely everything, for 10yrs, until they decided to adopt me and my sister. They don’t regret trying for so long but they regret not being honest with themselves earlier as the pain both physically and mentally almost broke them and their relationship. My parents are the absolute best. When someone has so much love to give, and someone needs and are open for that love it’s a match made in heaven.

I am sure you will make the right decision and whatever it is we, your viewers and fans, will stand by your side ❤

[rtoldoya]

Whatever you decide, there will be many of us praying for you.

[caitlinrussell]

Praying for you guys! As someone who has “unexplained infertility”, we struggled with all these conversations and decisions. We opted not to go through with IVF for our own reasons. We tried for 8 years. I didn’t do well with the fertility meds. With that being said, I had to realize people are well intentioned, but also ignorant to the process and the hard conversations. They weren’t present for the ups and downs. I had to internalize the hurt until I came to terms with it. Good luck in your journey! Praying hard for you guys. In an attempt to be encouraging, life can still be sweet when it’s just the 2 of you!

[PTE]

I’ve been through with the inability to have a child, many years ago, for incompatibility issues. I most incredible thing we were able to do was adopt a baby girl from China, and I have since been blessed with the best daughter anyone could ever have. She is now in her last year of a bachelor degree as an honour student, she is very much my daughter and I’m endlessly proud of her.

[leahs]

Take the last chance! Even if it fails, you will have 0 regrets looking back!
Clearly Italy is the best location. I sincerely wish you a Christmas miracle! I would personally stay in Italy for a bit longer.

[lizaattala]

If I may recommend Mexico. I have one working ovary, no tubes, endo, fibroid and cyst and male factor infertility. I didn’t like any of the US clinics and the prices we were given. I did some research into Mexico. We found a wonderful clinic and for 4 IVF cycles, medicine, travel etc it came out to less than the price of 1 IVF round in the US. Currently I am 6 weeks pregnant on our first transfer. Wishing you the best of luck. 🙏🏽

[stefanieroe]

Walked this path 30 years ago, took us 3 long years, 6 rounds IVF, an unexpected surgery, miscarriages & failed attempts to come down to 1 frozen embryo w/ a .4% chance of success. It worked! He turned 26 this week! However, we absolutely knew that was it for us, whether it worked or not. You’ll know when you’re done & ready to move to the next thing. Best wishes to you!

[AfroditiK]

If you are asking for our opinion... I would move to Italy for a couple of years( you can also have the time to take your cat with you)
. Try the IVF some more and also take time to relax and not think about travelling all the time ect. This would also save money and take the stress of health care too (since in europe we have free healthcare). Let's also keep in mind that through this time you will be eating better food which is also important. I think I would take 2 years to do that, and also try to heal. If that also doesn't work than I would drop the IVF. To become a parent has many meanings <3

[Deborah]

Struggled with infertile for seven years. Three IVF cycles. My heart goes out to you both. Have one grown son now. Sending wishes for everything that you may need right now.

[swstish]

I’ve also walked the IVF path. So many things to think about. The only advice I can give, is you will know when you have done everything that you can do physically, emotionally and financially. You will know as a couple when you have reached that point. Sending you both love. I know it’s not easy.

[jessicawilharms]

I’m continually praying for you both!! Thank you for allowing me the honor and privilege of hearing your story. ❤

[karenstevens]

As a person who has gone through this experience, my advice is that as much as I wanted our own child, I had to eventually listen to my body and my heart and we decided that it was time to stop. We fostered until my medical condition made me fail the yearly medical, and we had to stop. I still feel sad but I gave countless children an opportunity to experience a happier future. Non biological children can become your own, if you open your arms wide and let the love flow, you and Alessio have this in abundance and any child will grow into a great person.

[deborahbryant]

What I heard:
1. You love your doctors in Italy and you have a special relationship with them
2. All your medical history concerning IVF is in Italy
3. IVF in Italy is less expensive
4. IVF clinics in Italy are accepting to everyone, even cases that may be the hardest to get a success from
5. From your videos I know you have family in Italy that would probably also give you emotional support
6. Italy is like a second home for you even though you live in the United States
7. Medicine in Italy is personal and keeps the patient in mind and doesn't treat you like a number

The only thing left to investigate, is can you take your cat with you.

[janeferguson]

You’re two very good people. Intelligent, thoughtful, and kind. You’ll make the decision that’s right for you. And I completely understand your concerns about your little cat. Pets are beloved family members who provide a kind of love that isn’t replicated in our other relationships. I wish what is best for you and admire you both.

[lilartistca]

I'm a mother to two beautiful teenage boys, 16 and 18. Myself and my husband both had fertility troubles. We chose adoption, not as a second option but a first option. Our boys are our world.

[joannetutor]

Thank you for sharing your story. As difficult as it is, you are giving a voice to folks who are struggling with this too. Your positive energy says a lot about the love you share. I enjoy your comedic videos very much and I pray that you will find God’s peace as you make this decision. I’m praying for you both❤

[jgeorge]

I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant with our miracle baby, it took us 4 embryo transfers to get to this point. I’m so glad we didn’t give up and pushed through all the negative tests, miscarriages, and heartache. I didn’t have low AMH but no one understands the difficulty of going through IVF except those going through it. I don’t know you both personally but I would push through and try everything you can for your rainbow baby. At the end of the day you want to look back and know you tried everything you could possibly do. My thoughts and prayers go out to you both!