Narcissism and a Lack of Gratitude

Narcissistic people are notorious for being difficult to please. No matter what others do for them it’s never enough. This video looks at the constant dissatisfaction, ingratitude and discontentment of both Grandiose and Covert narcissists, some of the reasons behind it and the different ways they express it.

#narcissism #ingratitude #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder

[OneofMany-ytsl]

My sister told me 20 years ago that no one at her workplace knew what unhappiness was.. and she was the only one who had ever suffered. My jaw dropped and I explained to her that they hid a lot of their troubles. Everyone has something in their lives that has made them unhappy. I wondered why I had to explain to a 45-year-old this simple and seemingly universally recognized fact. Over the next 20 years this attitude of being the only unhappy person has continued.

[Lyrielonwind]

I would summarize it like this: in their minds, they are "doing you a favour", no matter how awful the abuse they can inflict you. They own you.
Narcissists don't believe in humans' rights but their rights.

[franmdleleni]

It is just tiring dealing with them. There is nothing you can do to please them.

[DHW]

Helping our family narcissists provoked opposition, defiance, nitpicking criticism, misconstruing, backbiting, and outright slander. After I walked away, the narcissists sought supply as "victims of abandonment". Living with them was an absurd exercise in futility.

[Brian-qgbm]

After nearly two decades in Dante's 2nd level of domestic hell with a vulnerable narcissist, when I finally "saw" or understood my wife for who, or what she really is, I had the vision of her as an inconsolable toddler, face sloppy with tears and snots, screaming at the rail of her crib, with only a void to absorb her cries.
I think that period, early in her formative years, when a baby becomes a toddler and begins to develop a sense of self, is when and where she "died" emotionally.
Now that I know what to look for, her mother is very obviously a narcissist, and my wife was just another object; unseen. Without conformity, or the ability to give her mother narcissistic supply at that stage, she was nothing.
She ruined my life, but I'll recover while she never can and her life was ruined long before mine.
It breaks my heart, because I can see who she should have, or could have been.

[MT-txbu]

Such a topic many of us can relate to! They tend to forget what you do for them and remember what you don't.

[RealRabbit]

I’ve been dealing with a severe narcissist.
She does not say thank you, never says she’s sorry.
She lacks empathy, remorse, morals…
She has a severe case.
I won’t go into details.. but it’s been a complete nightmare.
She thinks I am supposed to be her perfect little boyfriend, but give nothing in return, and does not have the decency to treat me like an appropriate woman should.
She literally thinks she owns my life, and I am her slave.

[forumicebreaker]

"Lack of Gratitude" is something I experienced.

[jeffreyjackson]

Extremely painful experiences that echo this insight of truth. One thing that it taught me is to never, I mean never, ignore the signs, the red flags.

[theresafowler]

This is so on point, Darren! It’s very challenging to be with someone who doesn’t value and/ or grateful for the people who try to help or just be nice to them.

[joannaRB]

You have not missed anything. Very astute analysis again. Excellent work!

[Michelehoffman-qc]

When my MIL died (malignant narc) I made a huge dinner for my FIL on her birthday. Fettucine Alfredo and chocolate cake, took it down to his house in gale force winds-he was so rude to me that I went no contact that moment. The unmitigated gall of these clowns, truly blows the mind. I thank God every day for waking me up. I'll never speak to him again and I won't attend his funeral.

[Wanda]

Yes, this was the case with my aunt. As she got older, she got more and more negative about everything, and harder to please. I'd try to do things to pick up her spirits, like making recipes my mother (her sister) used to make: jam and antipasto, which I'd mail to her. I never got a thank you, when I'd ask if she got the parcel and what she thought of my gift, she'd typically say it wasn't the same as my mom's. Nothing could ever be the same or as good as what she remembered from the past.

[bellaluce]

Spot on. The entitlement is endless. Never again!!! ⛔🚫🧛‍♂

[heartwisdomlove]

whenever it would be raining outside, my father would be pointing to the sky and yelling that God was pissing on us!!!!

Later in life, I have learned that when it’s raining out, it means the angels are crying

[TheSacredwoman]

Oh my goodness! You have described my daughter and my parents to a "T".

[LindsayLoo-qd]

If the narc parents do something even small for me, always without me asking, I have to say thank you many times and with emotion, or I’ll be “in trouble”. But do they do the same for me? Of course not. This was continual my whole childhood. And continues now in my 50s.

[mildredbangtree]

Never pleased?! They please themselves all of the time!

[dakshaman]

That there sums up my grandfather's attitude.

[janececelia]

I'm in and out of hospital all the time, always ringing for an ambulance even while going in and out of consciousness, which is fine with my sister. She told me.
I can't tell you how many near death experiences I've had in the last seven years. Yet my sister complains about every single ache and pain she has, demands blood tests, scans, you name it. She has mildly high blood pressure and a sluggish thyroid.
She lied to a gastroenterologist last week to get a quick colonoscopy because her tummy's been playing up. This is before she heads off to Bali and Java next month. She told him that our mum and dad died of bowel cancer. What a load of c**p. She knows because she lived with dad the last few years of his life, which is crap as well. I actually lived with our mother while I was on dialysis in New Zealand for her last 2 years, so I know she didn't die of cancer.
My sister keeps yelling things like you're 'a f***king bitch', whenever I'm sick and just about dying. She never yells at me in front of anyone though. In front of other she says, 'I love you, ' and calls me 'Janey, ' which I hate. I let that slide because I've never had the energy to say that I'm not a f***king child. Just a f***king bitch, apparently.
Last year I had a fall and broke my humorous. She went around telling the staff that she was seriously ill. I know because two of them asked me. I actually thought that she might have a terminal disease, and she wasn't telling me. She completely denied having told anybody any such thing. What a consummate lair.
I mean she goes on huge OS trips every year which of course she deserves. At the start of the pandemic, she was so furious because she'd organized to go to Russia that year. Poor her. I told her, you do realize millions of people could potentially die, she told me I was overreacting. Well, I guess she would know having worked as a qualified nurse in South Africa when she had no nursing training whatsoever. I on the other hand am or used to be a registered nurse for over 30 years. But what would I know?
Last year I was in hospital 4x. This year I've been in hospital twice, both times with pneumonia. I also had a fall in hospital and a brain bleed, still I get headaches but they're not too bad. She on the other hand has migraines and the worst headaches known to mankind. Anyhow I landed back on dialysis again for likely another really tough 4 1/2 years, by which time I will be too old or too sick to get another transplant. No volunteers I'm afraid.
So, I ring her up this evening after coming off dialysis and nearly falling over on the way to my door last night because once again I was wobbly as hell. Of course, instead of sympathizing with me she told me I had to be gentle with her because of her aches and pains. I said I was so sorry. Meanwhile in the background it sounded like a party was happening.
She's built a huge house overlooking a beach apparently. I wouldn't know, I have never been invited there. She won't even tell me her address, like I'm going to pop by unannounced. She showed pictures of it on FB. The sweeping staircase looks like it could have come from one of those southern plantations; Gone with the Wind sort of thing.
Last year I was diagnosed with a heart murmur, so now she has a heart murmur which wasn't even been picked up by a 24-hour monitor. So, she hasn't got a heart murmur.
It's not a competition of who the sickest person is; my sister is not sick (she hasn't been a patient in hospital for 40+ years) whereas I have had probably 40 + admissions in that time.
I had sepsis in 2020, another near-death episode, aside from calling me a 'grubby bitch', well that was what she came all the way in to yell at me as tossed out food from my fridge as I was sinking into a coma instead of calling an ambulance. Upon discharge, she dumped me home and took off on a 3-week private boating trip. I had to fend for myself. It took me months to recover from that where nothing got done. I even forgot to pay my bills. I ws in a mess. NO help whatsoever from anyone. I was too stupid in the head to seek outside help.
I've told my specialist and my GP about what she's like. They do nothing. I'm too sick to move.
The next minute she'll be a nice as pie to me. It won't last long. I'm a fish dancing on the end of a hook, she reels me in and then throws me back and so it goes on.
I recently told my friend in NZ, if I'm murdered in my sleep, it'll be her. I mean she will need to make sure I'm asleep as I trained a martial art for over 30 years, despite my kidney troubles.

Oh, and she tries to gaslight me all the time. She even told me I was deluded and that was before my brain injury.
Wow I feel exhausted now.
This woman who has everything is jealous that my eyes are bigger than hers and that I have skinny ankles. Well, often I have periorbital oedema where I can barely see out of my failing eyes and my ankles and legs blow up, where I can barely get my legs into boots.
Trouble is I owe her money, which she'll get when I die; she's made sure of that.