Should I Give up My Desire to Be Happy?

Should we give up our desire for happiness in order to be happy? Does our search for lasting happiness perpetuate our suffering?

Rupert says: ‘We don’t really have the choice to decide whether or not we want to desire happiness. As the apparently separate self, we cannot not seek happiness. In fact, the separate self could be defined, not as an entity, but as the very desire for happiness. And by definition, when that sense collapses, when we are in touch with our true nature, then we are at peace.

‘So if we’re seeking happiness, we shouldn’t cut off that desire. We should just seek it in the right place – where it lives – not in an object, a substance or a relationship that can never provide it. Happiness is the nature of our being. Nothing else can provide us with happiness.’

*This video is from one of Rupert’s in-person retreats at The Vedanta, 31 May–7 June 2023. For more information on upcoming retreats (many of which can be attended online via livestream) go to:

Timestamps:

0:00 The Search for Happiness
2:48 Focus on Your True Self
4:50 Giving Up Your Desire
7:06 The Paradox of Seeking Happiness
9:18 Seek Happiness in the Right Place
10:51 Finding Lasting Happiness

––

ACCESS FULL VIDEO ARCHIVE
You can watch or listen to 1000s of hours of teachings, guided meditations and answers in Rupert's full video archive here:

––

RETREATS (Weekend, 5-day, 7-day)
Rupert holds regular retreats, roughly once per month, either in-person and online. Many in-person retreats can also be attended from the comfort of your home via livestream.

ONLINE RETREAT SCHEDULE

IN-PERSON RETREATS SCHEDULE (Also Available to Join Online via Live Stream)

––

WEEKLY WEBINARS (2 hours)
Rupert's webinars take place on Wednesday evenings, from 4pm UK time. In the first twenty to thirty minutes, Rupert leads a spontaneous meditation. The remaining time is open for attendees to discuss their questions with Rupert.

WEEKLY WEBINAR SCHEDULE

––

BROWSE RUPERT’S BOOKS

––

LISTEN TO RUPERT’S PODCAST

––

JOIN RUPERT’S FACEBOOK GROUP

––

SOCIAL MEDIA CHANNELS

––

FOLLOW RUPERT ON MEDIUM

––

SUBSCRIBE TO RUPERT’S YOUTUBE FOR NEW VIDEO ALERTS

––

#rupertspira #nonduality #happiness #natureofreality #consciousness #awareness #meditation #guidedmeditation

RS24123a

[D_Isness]

As an overthinker myself, I'm immensely thankful to Alex for having asked this question as well as your response to it, Mr. Spira.

[tonycrook]

Rupert has to be one of the sweetest 'humans' on this planet

[TheDasherlad]

Nisargadatta's suggestion was to live life as it is real.. knowing deep within that it is not. Affectionately detach.

[Airsquest]

Oh man, I can totally empathise with this guy - I was there once before trying to figure all of this out with my intellect, only to realise later on that it was my own intellect that had created a bind which was preventing me from "being", from experiencing "what is"...I was so caught up in my head that I over thought everything, I really hope this guy gets into some form of mindfulness practice like yoga, meditation or breathwork to bring him back to his body, he is stuck in his own mind...

[zerocontent]

“…give all your love and attention to who you are instead of who you are not…”
🙏🙏🙏🙏🌟

[macaroon]

Everyone was cringing and laughing at him but he was being completely open and vulnerable. He had courage to speak his mind with no mask and within that he illuminated the truth about this whole process. How we all secretly wish to let go enough in order to awaken. But later you see that there is no beating the ego at its own game, the ego will only ever try to get somewhere because that's all it knows. Allow it to do so. And in the mean time become aware of being, of this.

[awakenotwoke]

Who is starving the ego? This is not a rhetorical question. Is it not the ego? The ego is not our enemy. It is our expression. It is a function. A beautiful function. True: Just live your Life! Experience deeply the joys and sorrows, the successes and failures, the gains and disappointments. Ramana Maharshi advocated: Be as you are. That's exactly what he meant. The only sin ego commits is seeing this tiny part of itself as the entirety of Self ( The Self, Myself) It ignores the vast, unlimited, unconscious, unknowable Being of totality.

[Ibrahims]

What a beautiful question and a great answer ✨️🙏🏼

[Pallasathena-hvkp]

This man’s question, introspection, and humble openness is charming.

[VeronikaLederer]

Love yourself and everyone unconditional, and you must be happy. 🙏🏻🕊💖

[johnjacquard]

There are many undoings gradually take place because our attention is able to get more subtle and more curious about turning inward to see the mechanisms of selfing.
The deeper on the path you get you will notice a deeper lesson Rupert teaches within his interaction ! ( he perfectly presented it following the question) * the questioner has a big heart also 🎉

[mulen-xu]

Thank you! Certainly our happiness depends on desires and at the same time our desires can lead us to suffering. The universe always gives us opportunity to satisfy our desires one or two times because it's necessary for our spiritual growth to liberate us from the demand, dictate of desires. The satisfaction of desire is a trap and path to addiction and suffering, the liberation from desires is a way to spiritual growth and final happiness.

[hemamalinirs]

Thank you Rupert, Lots of love and gratitude 🙏🙏

[VjeX]

It is especially hard for human beings to realize that only when you stop thinking (and perceiving), you can "feel" the self, the timeless. Everything that you feel and think is always bound to time or space, and that is not the self but only a fragment (or partial view) of the self.

The first answer was the right answer. Thanks, Rupert.

[Swoozy]

I fully understand that happiness doesn’t come from anything external. But where I get hung up is the fact that as a human I still have preferences and it can be hard to not desire certain situations over other ones. For example, me and my girlfriend recently broke up. I can tell myself all day that my happiness doesn’t come from her, but I can’t ignore the fact that I felt much better when she was around. So, I know happiness doesn’t come from other people but I am certainly happier being around some people than I am other people and it’s hard not to yearn for someone when they add so much joy to your life.

[sudhakark.v.]

The nature of my TRUE self is happiness, when something else comes between me and my feelings, I loose happiness. Then we start looking for it. One would have to know about TRUE self, my identified self, the world I live in and relationship between all three, and only way to know all these and realize it is by studying Upanishads very deeply. Just talks on some one topic can create interest but cannot give answers to all the doubts I come up with. I am telling this after studying Upanishads for more than 25 years under guidance of a teacher.

[lightbodyD]

Love is true happiness find if in the heart ❤

[MLNLad]

Bro is listening to his inner voice. Inner voice is ego. Ego, is our software in our bodies to function/survive. If it becomes neurotic, you may need shrooms to help out.

[SitaRam-lty]

That's why all self realized beings say for the final step, gurus grace is required. The mind had to disappear without desiring to disappear. This requires grace. Ramana, anamalai, nisgardatta, anandamayi ma, , all day this

[askhollyhall]

I LOVE Rupert's work! I listen daily. But to tell someone to STOP thinking about it, tell him HOW to stop thinking about it. Give him fish or teach him to fish. My thinking is so involuntary that it drives me nuts. GRADUAL is the keyword. RUPERT! HOW CAN HE STOP the overthinking? Sometimes, is it not biology? Neurology? If it is, what is the answer to support that? He is patient. He does not want to be happy, he wants to not be unhappy.