how to fix 'waiting mode' | ADHD Symptom Solutions

Waiting mode sucks and has made me feel horribly guilty and pretty useless in the past. After getting diagnosed, medicated, and coming to see it as a symptom of ADHD I could finally start reliably tackling it and not having to deal with it anymore. Here's some insight to how I approach it in my life.

timestamps:
00:00 - Intro
00:25 - What is waiting mode?
Waiting mode is your brain's way of making sure you don't forget about a responsibility because it doesn't have external triggers to rely upon for the behaviour. Your brain is hyper-fixating so your inherent time-blindness doesn't result in the consequences of you not doing something time-sensitive.
01:38 - Why is waiting mode actually helpful? (What is waiting mode for?)
Your brain knows you better than you like to admit so it has decided the stakes are high for not getting distracted from your responsibility so it hijacks your attention all day.
02:14 - Why is waiting mode so exhausting?
Us folk with ADHD have difficulty focusing (keeping one thought in our heads at a time) so to maintain the singular important thought of the task/responsibility is to focus all day. When anyone focuses they burn calories (have you heard about chess players burning up to 7000 calories during tournaments) and with ADHD it's 'running uphill' because of our inherent high distractibility.
02:58 - How do you fix waiting mode (understanding alarm solutions)?
You need external and reliable triggers for your responsibilities. Physical notes aren't disruptive enough. Depending on other people as triggers for your behaviour isn't as reliable or sustainable as my techniques from my experience.
04:20 - Extra Alarm Tips
1. Make your alarms very loud
2. Change tone for increased disruption
3. Have good titles for alarms
4. Make sure the alarm is formulated in regards to your actions regarding your responsibility, not the responsibility/event itself.
05:08 - ADHD Spideysense & Memory
Memory is overrated. Treat future you like the idiot they are.
05:44 - Undiagnosed ADHD
Medication can change your life. It increases ability to focus and also execute on the knowledge I share in this video. ADHD Paralysis.
06:23 - Stop remembering things.
07:03 - Executive Dysfunction tips
Future you is your room-mate.
07:50 - Executive Function tips
To-do scheduling and breaking down tasks.
08:48 - Extra attention regulation
90% + of your attention problems are best fixed by medication and environmental/structural support (that you can facilitate) but the last 10% can be increased actively through meditation. (Also balanced sleep and diet). Trataka meditation helps practice the muscle of letting unnecessary thoughts flow out of your mind.

[lukewip]

Wow, thanks for all the positive comments everyone ❤ This blew up unexpectedly all of a sudden. I'm grateful to have helped any of you and maybe this is the algorithm telling me to put my head down and make more of the videos that I wanted to make but didn't prioritise enough😅

[Tatiana_Palii]

I don't think I have ADHD, but I have anxiety and waiting mode happens to me all the time, and that’s the first time I've seen anyone mentioning it, thank you so much😅

[oscardiggs]

That feeling when someone puts into words the feeling you’ve had your whole life but couldn’t explain.
This is an excellent video and I really enjoy the way you explain it. Excellent work.

[bonelessthincrust]

I think I have a pretty extreme case of this, to the point that it bleeds into the following day even. For example if it's my day off and I have work tomorrow, I can't enjoy anything all day because I know that I have to go to bed early. Even as a kid I never considered Sunday as a day off because it was just another "forced to go to bed early" day, like Monday, Tuesday, etc. When I used to work PM shift (4PM to 12:30AM), I front-loaded all my free time to the 6 or so hours after work and simply woke up at 3PM. Basically if I have to do anything later in the day or even the day after, my entire life is chalked. I need that 24 hour buffer to truly feel free and I'm being 100% serious.

[whatwilliwatch]

To my ADHD brain, going to work counts as "an appointment, " which has made this a particularly painful point for most of my adult life. For years, I worked a schedule where I worked 5, sometimes 6 days a week. I couldn't get anything done before work because of "waiting mode, " and I couldn't get anything done after work because I'd used up all my executive function resources getting through the workday. On top of that, there was this nagging sense of time scarcity - I felt like I didn't have enough time when I could be truly relaxed (because of either anticipation of or recovery from work), so on the rare days I did have off, I couldn't bring myself to do anything productive. End result: I only ever did the bare minimum of what needed doing right before it needed to be done (i.e. laundry, dishes, whirlwind cleaning when a visitor was going to stop by, etc.). It was mentally exhausting and emotionally discouraging.

Recently, however, a position opened up within my company that allows me to work 3, sometimes 4 days a week, but longer shifts each day. When I made the change, I found that this is a MUCH better fit for my brain. I have certain days where I don't have to go to work, which negates "waiting mode, " and since I don't use up all my mental resources on my workplace, I can use them on my own projects. And since I know that I have several days off every week, my downtime doesn't seem so scarce, so I'm more willing to work on things. I'm so glad I made the change. It hasn't fixed all my challenges related to ADHD, but it's certainly gotten me moving in the right direction.

[Demonskunk]

I don’t know if it’s an ADHD paralysis, but the thing I struggle with is “2 or more things of similar importance need to be done and do not have an obvious deadline”

I just sit there, becoming more and more anxious because I’m not doing either of them, but not being able to start on one because they’re of equal importance in my brain.

[reubenmccallum]

For my entire life I've been paralysed whenever I have a late appointment. It's made me somewhat punctual, in that I get bored and anxious while waiting and so just leave incredibly early for anything I have to do. Thanks for this, I never even considered this as a facet of my ADHD.

[elisebrown]

I've always thought I was fairly neurotypical, but I definitely experience the "I have something to do this afternoon so I can't do anything until then" problem. For me it's not a problem holding onto remembering the appointment, having the executive function to do the appointment, or thinking the appointment will use up all my spoons. For me, it's more about thinking I don't dare start something else because I won't have time to finish it and then I'll end up either rushing the project or the appointment, or else feeling that the appointment (no matter how short it is) already is taking up my day, so I need to use the rest of the day on myself. I actually do better with appointments in the late morning, but always schedule things as late as possible because I hate having to be somewhere on someone else's time. It sounds like laziness when I type it out, but on days when I don't have to be anywhere for anyone, I can accomplish so much!

[casanovafunkenstein]

I just wanted to let you know that the editing on this video was really brilliant for me as another person with ADHD: the removal of dead air, the use of that ticking sound when cutting to a visual aid, or to reinforce and emphasise important phrases.
One of the challenging things for me when I've been looking for solutions to help manage my symptoms has been finding someone who both presents the techniques in a way that engages me and doesn't overcomplicate things.
One person I looked at seemed to have 15 distinct places where she was recording and categorising her daily plan and honestly it was so exhausting listening to her explain it that, not only had I completely forgotten about what justification she might have given for all this, I knew that there was no way that I was ever going to try and emulate her organisation system.

[shpho]

I am not diagnosed with ADHD, but the waiting mode is a thing I resonate with so much. I struggle with it all my life. It's so horrible and frustrating.

[akosuakoranteng]

"The fast you accept that you require external tools and structures to live a more reliable life the better" - that right there! Thanks for the video!

[thefungusrat]

1:40 “Your brain isn’t faulty. It’s acting accordingly to what it has accurately learned about you.” Yes!! Love this point.

As someone diagnosed as an adult & currently going back to school (but with meds & accommodations for the very first time), it’s been such a trip to recognize and then unlearn all the ways I was managing with undiagnosed ADHD... now I’m trying to learn ways that actually work with all this shiny new executive functioning ability I’ve got on my hands in a healthy, balanced way. Lemme tell ya... it’s a journey 😅 but we’re gettin there

[kaitlynrain]

The ADHD paralysis cartoon legit made me cry. It’s what I’m feeling right now and even though I don’t have ADHD or at least I’m not diagnosed, it’s so meaningful to know that other people struggle with feeling like this and that there’s not necessarily something wrong with me when it constantly feels like there is.

[friednoodles]

as a man with ADHD and autism who just jumped out of bed in a cold sweat at 7:30am over a 2pm appointment today, and am already feeling so angry and helpless at myself being stuck waiting, im so glad i stumbled across this video.
this definitely helps me feel less alone! and disruptive alarms are a must. that really does help!

[jaegerpurdom]

This is probably the best video I’ve seen in the internet. Everything you’ve said I can relate to and you’ve given me actual tools I need to be more productive. Thank you

[CMch]

As a mental health professional in my real life who also happens to have ADHD, I’m extremely impressed with this video. Your knowledge of ADHD and ADHD-specific strategies surprised me. Where I live, it unfortunately isn’t common for people to get in-depth enough education on their diagnosis to facilitate effective coping. I’m so interested to know where you got such good information! Was it on your own or with the help of a therapist or ADHD coach? In any case, I really hope you continue making these videos. I’ve watched MANY and this is easily the best one I’ve ever seen. I’ve read entire books on ADHD that haven’t been this practical and immediately applicable to day-to-day life.

[madowgirl]

Wow this video is an eye-opener. I related to the meme about cleaning in ADHD vs laziness so much that I actually cried. Growing up I'd get so frustrated when my parents/ teachers assumed that I was just lazy or stubborn when it came to things like that. They always talked down on me or reprimanded me for it to the point where I'd think I had a severe cognitive issue but at the same time I was book smart so it just wasn't adding up. I'd just get so overwhelmed that I would want to give up on everything. Anyway, I know I have ADHD & need help but idk why I've been scared to get diagnosed. It's such a relief to be assured that this is how it feels and other people can actually describe the same experiences.

[zellynmermaid]

This is so interesting as someone who isn’t ADHD but I am autistic. I experience waiting mode, but in a completely different way than described here. I always thought it was the same thing but it’s so different. I have no fear of forgetting something important, so in my waiting mode I’m internally practicing all of the social interactions that will happen while I’m out in the world, as well as conserving energy since I know going to something like a doctors appointment might zap my energy. If I want to be okay afterwards I need to be fully mentally prepared and have my scripts ready to go.

[Emma-nmzu]

I’m a college student studying psychology, and I want to put it out there that it’s not only people who have ADHD who experience this. The forgetfulness and inattentiveness that causes “waiting mode” can also be caused by anxiety disorders and mood disorders as well as stress. An individual with bipolar disorder for instance, would experience very similar symptoms of ADHD during a hypomanic or manic episode.

Ironically, during mania, there is an *overproduction* of adrenaline and dopamine taking place in the brain, while a person with ADHD experiences an *underproduction* of adrenaline and dopamine. See, when you have too little adrenaline and dopamine, you’re distracted by the constant need for dopamine. Kind of like an involuntary adrenaline junkie!! (Except make it distressing). Your brain’s trying to compensate. Of course, in mania, it’s pretty self explanatory why an overproduction of adrenaline would invoke a similar set of symptoms, since you are overstimulated by the excess adrenaline/dopamine as opposed to the constant need for it.

Like mania, stress also invokes an adrenaline response, although to a lesser extreme, which is how anxiety disorders can share certain symptoms.

Thus, some mental disorders and life conditions that cause hormone imbalances in the brain can cause very similar symptoms as one another, even if the type of imbalance contrasts.

So, if you were watching this thinking: this happens to me! Do I have ADHD???

Well, maybe! But maybe not! Maybe you have another mental disorder, or maybe you’re stressed often due to life conditions!

Edit: Also guys, I’m just sharing what I’ve learned from certain research! Many aspects of psychology is theorized because not everything relating to the brain can be measured.

My main point is that lots of mental illnesses have symptoms that overlap other mental illnesses.

I am just a college student, still learning. It’s best to see a licensed psychologist. :)

[corvideer]

I often reference idiot-proofing for my partner and I. I'm autistic and she has ADHD and I tend to take the lead on planning and setting things out so the both of us can more easily do our tasks/remember important things later. Also, giving yourself time to get ready and budgeting that into your alarms is crucial advice so thank you for mentioning it. I always try to give myself extra time whenever possible because either you'll need it, or you'll get to your destination and you're early and can take a moment to relax.