What Purity Culture Got Wrong | Guest: Dr. Lina AbuJamra | Ep 923

Today we're joined by pediatric ER doctor and founder of Living with Power Ministries Dr. Lina AbuJamra to discuss her book, "Don't Tell Anyone You're Reading This: A Christian Doctor's Thoughts on Sex, Shame, and Other Troublesome Issues." We start off with Lina's story of growing up in Lebanon, going to medical school, and her faith journey. She shares how her upbringing shaped her perspective on dating and how a relationship she had placed hope in didn't work out, leading her to feel betrayed by God. We discuss how she fell into the prosperity gospel of sex and marriage and how God redeemed this. Then, did purity culture fail the church? And what does it mean to walk in sexual purity and holiness, whether you're single, married, or engaged? We talk about the shame and stigma or purity and virginity even within the evangelical world and explain why it's more important than ever in our hypersexualized culture to understand that Jesus is worth facing these issues straight on.

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Timecodes:
0:00 Intro
02:13 Growing up in Lebanon & moving to the U.S.
15:23 Deconstruction / prosperity gospel
18:59 Purity culture
26:15 'Old Testament God' & laws
29:25 'Worse' sexual sins
38:00 Inerrancy of scripture
41:41 Christian leaders' sexual failures / Gen X leaders
56:20 Same sex-attraction
01:03:00 Response to sexual sin

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Today's Sponsors:

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Relevant Episodes:

Ep 908 | Calling Out Cru’s LGBTQ Compromise

Ep 904 | My Response to Andy Stanley's LGBTQ Sermon

Ep 782 | 'Pronoun Hospitality' Is Sin: Rosaria Butterfield’s Confession

Ep 796 | Former Lesbian Activist Calls “Soft” Christians to Repentance | Guest: Rosaria Butterfield

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[janeylynn]

I’m a 46 year old virgin, and I don’t understand why so many Christians see this as being “impossible” or why so many seem to idolize sex. For me, the issue of discrimination against singles in the church is much harder to deal with than abstaining from sex.

[jejones]

My ex-boyfriend at the Christian college I went to was all about our purity as far as virginity goes, yet he looked at porn on the side and could not break his habit. He came down hard on people he knew had porn issues, but never was able to tame it himself and would often consider his virginity as a badge of righteousness. Needless to say, he judged those who the rumor mill had said had sex. That was a huge red flag. We broke up of course. I decided then I would rather have a husband who had slept with someone(s) and lived a truly repentant life than someone who paraded their virginity like a badge of honor yet continued to struggle with secret sin with no intention of changing. Purity encompasses many things and if we are being honest we all far short of perfection. We need to ask for forgiveness and remove the planks from our eyes before we judge others. Purity culture led to many seeing the speck in our brother's/sister's eyes without seeking the log in ours.

[Ana_Cecilia]

I came to the Lord in my early 30s. I admire those of you who stay virgins for God and those of you who waited for marriage. I see so much beauty and light in your discipline. I would never wish for anyone to suffer the consequences of sexual sin the way I did. It's not worth it. Feeling cheap isn't sexy. Knowing your value is true beauty and what I pray my daughter will have. I'm going to read this book right now!

[letfreedomring]

These complaints about purity culture are new to me. I never heard any of this growing up. I was taught that we should stay pure because it's God's will for our lives, and that His will is best for us. I never thought it would magically make my marriage amazing.

[angietorok]

Fantastic interview. I'm saved from homosexuality and now married ten years, but there was still a message in this for me. Thank you for your toughtful contemplation of these things. It is an under addressed topic.

[laurenkwarren]

I have never understood the term “purity culture” (and I’m an older millennial so I supposedly grew up in it, and went to a small conservative Bible college) but I don’t understand how abstinence until marriage is not just a normal, Biblical, every generation, kind of thing to be teaching. I’m interested to
listen to this…

[mktay]

While virginity doesn't equate purity just like heterosexual relationships don't always equate biblical. Only virginity before marriage is God's plan and only heterosexual marriages are God's plan for us. The push to erase shame for sinful behaviour in Christian circles is a very dangerous path. Should we address sin with love yup....but if you are a Christian That doesn't erase consequences for the past 🤷 purity cultures biggest fault was teaching that if you follow every step life will be perfect. Nope just like following Christ doesn't make life easy.

[michellelangston]

Love this topic! 💖 I came to Christ in 2012 ( my mid-20s) and I just knew I didn’t want to keep living the way I had been. Each serious relationship that ended in breakup just literally broke me because I gave something away that was meant for marriage. I did NOT have a perfect walk by any means, but I met a Christian man who respected this concept and we waited until marriage. I truly thank God for that because neither of us were virgins, and we were tempted at times (and I definitely fantasized at times, not going to lie 🫢). But if you can just light-heartedly set some boundaries and agree with your partner that you’re not going to have sex before marriage, it’s easier to hold hold each other accountable. Not necessarily ‘easy’ but ‘easier’. ❤️

[Pro-Christ]

I am a 20 yr old virgin, but in my heart and in my mind I wasn’t for a long time. I was addicted to p*orn for 10+ years. A LOT of people in my generation think this way. I even have to remind myself that I may never get married and that’s okay.I hope your message reaches many ears. I still have sinful thoughts, BUT we make it an effort that because of Gods grace we want to live in His ways not because of what He can give us. He has already given us EVERYTHING. He gave us His Son. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[ashlieleavelle]

You will never regret obeying God. Sexual sin before marriage brings so many unwanted consequences. I very much enjoyed this topic. Purity should be taught. Abstinence is not impossible.

[lindasteinbrenner]

Thanks so much for having Lina on! I hear her many times on the Moody Bible radio broadcast. She is so positive and up beat! One of the beautiful people out of Chicago! ❤❤❤

[MonicaD]

Such a great conversation! Thank you for sharing! As a single, divorced 50 year old woman, this is a topic I don’t hear to much about for my age group.

[lynne]

I am hearing this from so many women who say how terrible the purity culture was. I am so thankful that wasn’t part of my upbringing, but I feel like they are throwing the baby out with the bathwater. God command us to be sexually pure. That hasn’t changed.thoughts and feelings don’t change that.

[MarinaPier]

Thank you for having Dr. Lina on, this was a very encoraging chat.

[gracereece]

I grew up in purity culture, and over the last six years or so, I've had to define for myself what my convictions are, and I very quickly realized that there were major issues with some of the things that "purity culture" taught me, but I knew deep down that the Bible is ALWAYS right and the Bible clearly teaches purity (or holiness) in both the Old Testament and New Testament.

[paulajames]

Dr Lina is a talker even though she says she is an introvert. Love this convo. Good stuff to talk with my teens.

[lorysipel]

Only half way through and I am amazed! Please Allie, invite her back for part 2! What a great interview. I'm definitely buying her book. Sharing with everyone!

[adriana]

As a viR gin woman, I have to say that this path is not the easiest to take. I don’t think I am perfect but taking this path has certainly been a challenge in our modern times in which even the churches encourage silly things such as being a born again viR gin. Removing shame and pretending that the past can be erased is how people have been able to do whatever they want without any remorse. After all, they can just choose to become “pure” later in life, right?

Purity culture is often times a term used by liberals who are against the idea of se X ual purity. They are against any suggestion of abstinence until marriage and will directly say that such thing is actually wrong and that people should “experiment” before they get married and that there’s nothing wrong with that. They will even say that viR ginity doesn’t exist and that it’s a social construct. This is all demonic progressive language. Society has gone so far off the rails that now even churches are afraid to even suggest waiting until marriage.

We can turn to God at any age and at any time but the consequences of our actions will remain. I would much rather encourage a Biblical purity culture than the disgusting hookup culture than is the norm today. We need to encourage more se Xual purity, not less. To be a Christian is to be radical, compromises that bend the truth of God is evil.

[mommymoves]

This is an excellent conversation. As a 50 year old married woman who came to Christ in my mid twenties living in Hermosa Beach I can't tell you the Whiplash I felt for becoming born again, to abstaining but also commiting sexual sin in my heart. I also really appreciate you touching on the topic of sex in marriage bc when you age, it changes and having sex as an idol and "not being happy" cuz you're not 20 anymore makes the Porn consuming industry what it is today.
Thank you for your vulnerability and I look forward to your book. And to all you folks who need it slower, the Lebanese talk fast because their brains think faster! My good friend is one. 😊

[EllieRose-pemu]

What a fantastic interview!! Thank you, both! I learned so much from this conversation. As the Body of Christ, we NEED this. Let's all be bolder in addressing these things.