Purity Culture is Evil

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[sarco]

Another problem with this obsession about sexual sin is that it can lead to the misconception that this is the only type of sin that God is really concerned about. I may be a gossip, but I'm a good Christian because I'm "pure." I may be a bully, but at least I'm "pure." I may make sure that I only hang out with the cool kids and look down on the nerds and geeks, but at least I'm "pure."

[quietiscool]

If you are struggling with guilt maybe look at Lamentations 3: 22-23. “It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”

[lipshine]

I can’t imagine if someone who was sold into prostitution and became a believer must be feeling when they see messages like that. Everyone will not be a virgin when they are married and that can be not by their own choice. Child molestion, sexual slavery, rape, etc these are all real things people experience that the church needs to excepts we live in a fallen world

[christopherflux]

There’s a difference between Purity Culture and the Biblical call to purity.

Abstinence until marriage is a good thing. But I’ve always hated the Silver Ring Thing because 1) it’s more about showing your purity, than being pure (basically virtue signalling) and 2) if someone ‘fails’ sexually they have to choose between essentially lying (by keeping the ring on) or announcing their mistake to the world by removing it.

[johnzahm]

I didn't save myself for marriage but by the grace of God I am forgiven and in my weakness His strength shines through and gives me the strength and courage to say no to sexual sin. I have also been blessed with a beautiful daughter and when I look at her I have an overwhelming motivation to teach her to save herself for marriage.

[DoubleGG]

This is my first time hearing the term "purity culture" and I honestly think there's a fine line that needs to be walked between encouraging teenagers and young adults to save themselves for marriage (happiest marriages statistically are two virgins coming together) but not shun them if they did engage in sexual sin previously. I'm a product of the public school system and was taught that hookup culture is the norm and should be explored in your teens and 20s, but ironically enough, all that did was turn me off to casual sex as I had no interest in catching STDs or false accusations. I was a virgin when I got saved and now at age 24 view that status as a badge of honor, and only intend to engage in the act with the woman I marry. Haven't met such a woman yet but will enjoy being single as best I can as long as God keeps me in this stage of life.

[leehillshire]

I remember being 11 or 12 and being exposed to my first (and thank God only) purity culture example where the speaker was tearing up this heart shaped paper doily thing. Even at that age, I vividly remember rolling my eyes at her and mentally screaming "that's not how it works." I'm so grateful that my parents were wise enough not to push those things on my brother and I, and to teach us purity as respect for ourselves and an outpouring of our love for God, not because we were afraid or concerned about the perception of other outside people.

[sofiabravo]

While many aspects of the purity culture movement were unbiblical, God still wants us to be chaste and pure not just physically but emotionally and mentally...I was not raised in this movement i didn't become born again till I was an adult 24 but I've witnessed many former peers rebel against church because of this and its heartbreaking .

[abellewis]

1 Corinthians 6:18

“Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”

[thederpyunicorn]

I’m guilty of fornication and I have wrestled with my guilt over that sin. I realized that because those activities were not holy, that it’s not helpful at all to think about it or place significance on those actions. Not that I don’t think it was a serious sin, but in order to let the love of Christ into my heart so that I can turn to God’s promises instead of the past, I have to let that go. It’s in the past.

[AlexLJ]

Hello, I'm the same guy who commented on one of your community posts about the girl he liked. I told her today and I was turned down. So I'm going to try to move on. I really fumbled the conversation. She politely turned me down and she seemed more confused than anything else. I also "relapsed" the other day too.

[Seraph]

Purity culture promoted the ideas found in Josh Harris' book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", which are flawed but seemed like the "pure" thing to do. The impact I saw was that people were not asking or answering yes to a date unless they were certain they wanted to get married. Not to mention it also raised the spiritual expectations on relationships, which is to say having people who are active in the ministry and the work of God's Word YET are STILL NOT spiritually ready to start a relationship. (Granted, at least half of those were just the Christian version of "It's not you, it's me.") While I appreciate those who stood up against some of the extremes of purity culture, too many of my peers accepted it and those rules became the dating culture in my church anyways. I was even caught up in these rules, I remember getting stressed out because I needed to ask my crush's father for permission to date his daughter before I asked her out, and we were in our early 20's at the time. The only people who dated seemed to be those who had a sure shot at marriage.

That said, we have to be careful. Purity culture developed in response to the loosening sexual norms in the secular culture and we ought to be careful not to overcorrect and become permissive of sexual sins either.

[LaB]

Somehow in the “logic” of this movement sexual sin is apparently the only sin Jesus can’t heal, wash away, and restore you from. Which is blasphemy. It’s an unbiblical lie, fear mongering, and manipulation. Those of us who grew up being subjected to this are owed an apology.

[powellfilmmaking]

This is so good! There has to be balance. When people are asked to follow purity or modesty rules without seeing the meaning behind them, things can come off legalistic really quick and cause kids to completely miss God's grace and Love.

[azure-sparrow]

thank you friend. ❤from one who has suffered. 🌹

[person]

God is using you bc you are healing a lot of people. ❤💝 In my country you have to love God too much to attend his church bc people here is extrymily religious, don't love each other, they forgot the words of the lord. And my parents are pastors, this is so tiring for me.

[blu]

People need to fear God not sin. I’ve spent the majority fearing sin and it’s made me a hypocrite and filthy and hateful. Forgive and remember you can’t sin your way out of God’s love.

[alexacabrera]

Brother, I praise God for the ministry and guidance He has given to you. Such an important topic! Even though I didn't grow up in a christian household I went to an adventist school and that purity culture was the norm. I met my husband when we were 15 years old and sure knowing what was God's design saved us from taking shortcuts but in reality this obsession with the act and not the heart can be a hindrance especially to young people or people that have been abused 😢

[TheAnalyticalObservers]

But that pastor is right, science says that people who have been with multiple partners, have trouble pair bonding

[kassd]

This needs to be talked about, thank you for talking about this. People need to realize that just because you had sex before marriage doesn't make you any less valuable or deserving of less respect, or worth any less as a human being. Not only that, but just because you save yourself for marriage doesn't make you pure. You still sin. You are a human being. Humans sin, we are not perfect, and you are not better or worth more than someone just because you saved sex for marriage.
I also don't like the term saving "yourself" for marriage. Your sexuality is only one aspect of yourself, not your entire self. It is not your identity. When you have sex, you are not giving your "self" to the person, just a part of it.