BOUNDARIES & DISCIPLINE: How to set healthy boundaries for your children

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Produced, Directed and Edited by Owyn Stephens

[Ocean]

Detaching myself emotionally in order to fully go through with the consequences is my challenge and what I am working on. I have came to the conclusion that it is my emotional attachment to my child that gets in the way of being consistent with discipline. I sometimes end up negotiating and the convenience of peace is what gets me. I need to work more on consistency and emotional detachment while practicing discipline.

[Jaxk]

I know this is an old video but my 5 year old is so challenging. He is literally me and he’s stubborn so I need to learn to set boundaries so thank you for this video. I have a 1 year old and one on the way. It’s so hard..

[victoriapalferez-siri]

Sadly in last office I worked for all the top guys had tantrums. Slamming things, screaming and trashing your self esteem until you defend yourself or walk away from it. Kids just are acting up due to role playing and too much drama around them until is too late.

[nerdynerd]

Thanks for the video I'm still working on staying calm I always lost it but then I realize it won't help my kid from this video thank you so much

[carinafinoli]

Hi! I'm a teacher at secondary school in South America. It works with teenagers as well.

[adonnicagenon]

Working with a stubborn 6 year old, part of me feels like oh my gosh am I doing something wrong? Have I not done a good job over the last six years…..but I’m going to change those emotions around and look for advice elsewhere, the advice I’ve gotten from everyone else hasnt gotten me far

[Rockshadow]

Parents not setting and enforcing boundaries affects more people then they realize. I drive a school bus and had a battle of wills with a kindergarten kid the other day when i asked her to move to the front of the bus because she wouldn't stay sitting. Honest to god, I sat there for 5 minutes fighting with this child. It got to the point that the other kids were starting to get mad at her. I had to keep them calm while trying to convince the chilld to move.
You could tell she had never had someone follow through, that whining and crying got her way in the past. When she finally realized I wasn’t moving the bus until she moved, she eventually listened, only to start dramatically crying when she sat down.
Once again, the other kids started getting annoyed and yelling at her to stop. I told them to ignore her, it was all to get attention, and low and behold, 5 minutes later, she was perfectly fine, singing quietly to herself.
Your lack or parenting skills should not be everyone elses promlem...

[dishadp]

Thank you so much, I'll try that. Also I guess we can show the reasons behind our boundaries. Because following rules get easier when there is logic behind it. For instance, when a parents says to a child that "We won't go the park in afternoon if you don't clean the mess", she can also show the reason that "we won't go because then I'll have to get busy myself cleaning the mess or I'll do something else" It is possible that the child may not understand & when it's afternoon when the parent starts cleaning, the child may start helping to clean so the work is done faster. It would be a challenge here to forgive the child & take to the park Or stick to the rule as stated.

This makes me wonder everyway we behave teaches something to child. If a parent makes a child follow rules, the child grows to be like a blind follower, if the child never had or had incomplete boundaries, the child grows to be a rebellion. If a parent teaches too much logic & the child knows how to figure out consequences (literally perfectly), s/he may grow into a person who doesn't know how to live with a free mental state.

I guess everything is needed

[gavinfarris]

Great video full of important information! That being said, I searched for " how to raise children to set boundaries" and this is what popped up. This stuff all applies but one thing that isn't addressed is teaching your child they have a right to say no. It's one thing to model the behavior by saying no to your child, but do they get a chance to exercise their right to refuse consent BEFORE they turn 18, or do we expect them to just figure it out as an adult? Is it possible that growing up having your boundaries disregarded by the adults in your life could teach you that that's part of being an adult?

[KendraMorana]

My daughter and I both Have Autism and adhd. Our brains can't just follow a direction and do it because of what's called Executive Dysfunction. So If you told us "Hey, Honey Or (Child's Name) Can you put your toys away for me please? It wouldn't be effective to us. So what we have to do as neurodivergent parents working with neurodivergent children/child, we have to help them clean up and make it fun for them in order for them to get that lack of motivation up enough to do the task. starting a task is hard for our brains. So we have to make the task fun for ourselves and the children/child. Like coming up with a challenge. see how many toys you can put away by the time mommy/daddy comes back in your bedroom. If my parents made tasks like that fun for me, it would have helped a ton. Thank you for sharing.

[forestnightstar]

Although this is geared towards younger kids, I feel it's applicable for children of many ages. Thank you for your guidance

[SquigglesFluffystuff]

My kids don't ask for permission to play with their toys. I just tell them they need to keep their toys in their bedrooms. This limits the mess throughout the house, but my youngest still needs a lot of help cleaning upbher room.

[SquigglesFluffystuff]

I haven't even thought about the repercussions down the road. What kind of boundaries will they fail to set. Will they feel comfortable jumping into relationships or let their loved ones stress them out. Id hate to see them come crying to me because they weren't prepared for healthy relationships. Seems like I have a curse to break here.

[frankydottir]

My 4yo starts hitting me and telling death threats if i don't do as he tells..it's horrible.

[sgh-pediatricclinicalcases]

Assalamualaikum ! Really good video. Plz make another one on'how to control our (parents) triggers well' ?

[maryivelasquez]

This was very helpful! Can you make a video how they can set boundaries at school starting from k-

[complexjanedoe]

Omg my child is 9 thank you for mentioning that

[KendraMorana]

Also, There is a difference between A Tantrum where a child doesn't get what they want. Or A meltdown where something gets too overwhelming, and we show it. Know the difference.

[lunaticatiga]

I think u could say at what age it has sense to set those boundries.

[Mr.Goodkat]

Get someone in your personal life like your husband to give you orders for example cleaning your room and if you don't obey when he tells you too, you have no one to blame but yourself when he gives you the consequence, honestly adults aren't capable of keeping their cool when being treated like and talked to like this so why should we expect children to be? do they have a higher level of emotional control? it's simply condescending and misopaedic. The "golden rule" has been around for thousands of years across innumerable countries, it's actually to "treat other's how you like being treated" it's not what's stated in this video of be calm and collected while not treating other's how you like being treated, a threat politely worded and calmly carried through is still a threat, in fact it's more de-thatched and inhuman doing it with no emotion. Punishments and rewards encourage self centeredness, decrease empathy, neglect an opportunity for communication/negotiation (aka training in logic and reasoning) establish an unhealthy power dynamic which encourages conflict and "might makes right" all of which are horrible for humanity.