Why Punishment Based Discipline Doesn't Work (Do This Instead)

Punishment (whether it's taking away privileges, yelling, cancelling activities, or many other examples) is a really common tool used to try to put an end to undesired behaviour and teach children how they should behave in the future.

But what research shows us that punishment doesn't actually work for toddlers. In this video you'll learn why it doesn't work for young children, and what you can do instead that's much more effective.

This isn't about judgement (most of us have used some form of punishment at some point). It's simply about presenting a more effective way to teach your child appropriate behaviour that I think many parents will find helpful!

#emmahubbard #toddlertantrums #toddlerdevelopment

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[Beachandpool]

I tell hubby, don't tell our toddler that she'll go to the pool TOMORROW! She can only hear---pool! She gets happy and runs to the door, ready to go! Lol

[juliebai]

I strive to think up of a natural consequence that my kids care about most of the time. However, the older one sometimes doesn't care about the natural consequence anymore and can connect their behavior to the later punishment. For that situation, a punishment (e.g. no tv time for today) makes sense in my mind.

[JayceeKovacek]

When toddlers act out, it's usually not defiance they just don’t connect actions with later consequences. Like, if they throw a toy and you warn no dessert, they might not get it hours later. Understanding this mindset helps! For tips like this, try The ADHD Parenting Guide for Boys by Richard Bass.

[handmadebyvick]

Hi Emma, thank you so much for all the care you put into helping us raise healthy children. You’re one of seemingly few people online who really seem trustworthy and trained and my family has benefited so much from your content. I was wondering if you could do a video on phones and screen usage and how to start off with a healthy balance for a child while they’re still a baby in particular. I’m already making efforts to lessen screen usage in the home but of course my baby is naturally interested in the object that is in my hands every day. Our generation needs professional advice on this! Would be so appreciated. Truly, thank you for your work!

❤ Any other parents have any advice? Comments?

[caitiemaesings]

I guess the title to me is super confusing. Consequences are punishment. Toddlers definitely need to be punished by having cars taken away if throwing them or removed from the park in a time out if pushing other kids down.

What would be a really helpful topic as a video or course would be a list of common toddler behaviors and the natural/connected consequences you use or suggest to use others toys/stealing others toys/being loud when others are trying to talk/etc)

[awesomeincarnate]

I just got an email with this video right in time my 2.5 year old has been acting out a lot lately and it's put a strain on the household so I'm sharing this with my whole home so we're all on board thank you Emma your videos are very helpful!

[kathleenruss]

Thank you for all your videos. I'm a Nana and on a fixed income so I can't afford Izzy course. I have learned so much for your videos. Your videos are very valuable to me. Thank you again. A new Nana!

[aiasomeya]

OMG Emma!I’ve been following you since I found out I was pregnant and now I reached the point of raising my Toddler. Your advices are gold, so well put into examples as well.Thank you!!

[oliversissonphone]

Consistency is very important too. You can't throw out idle threats and not follow through, then enforce your rules inconsistently. A child will not make the connection, or will even repeat this behaviour to try to figure out when they can do the behaviour and when they can't.

[briashubert]

i've been really struggling with my 4 year old. The "baby boomers" era wonder why i don't smack my child & this is why in the video (also i grew up this way & led me very fearful of one of my parents still to this day). Thank u so much for the advice! ❤

[kaleiam]

How do you suggest dealing with the non car throwing child who still wants to play with the toy cars? They have to also recieve a consequence as the toy cars are now put away and they didn't throw a car.

[perspectiveiseverything]

How would you suggest handling:
A well thought out manipulator?
A 3 yro who hits or bites parents when they don't get their way bc they KNOW it hurts... its intentional. ??

Same child w/a professional caregiver who understands addressing behavior immediately:
They are told a rule-- break said rule-- & kindly call you to witness it-- bc they WANT to test your "rule integrity" & see your response.
Reminder & options are made clear. It's a 70/30 split on whether they self correct or have to be assisted.

Clearly intelligent.

[spiralgoddess]

I would love a video on techniques to use with a 5.5 year old who pinches. Your videos are very informative.

[RedGyl]

I almost didn't watch this at all because I didn't know you were talking about toddlers. Of course we don't punish toddlers! It's older kids who do know better that ought to receive punishment for intentionally breaking family rules (but don't punish them just for being weak or making a mistake, just have/help them fix the problem).

[forestspritestephanie]

Yep. It only works if taking the toy is related to the reason you're punishing them by taking it. For example, they take a toy from their sibling, causing an issue, then, take the toy and give it back when they show they can share it. Then you teach them to share properly also.

[barbaraferreira]

Your videos are always helping me a lot in preparing for the challenges to come! I’ve been following your content since pregnancy and now my baby is becoming a toddler, all your insights are extremely helpful! Thank you so much! You’re certainly contributing for a better world ❤️

[BrentHollett]

This is like dog training. Unless you react to a dog misbehaving immediately, no amount of punishment will have an effect.

[Rickdcpr]

Like on almost everything about kids, some might be a little different to others. No punishment is definitely the way to go.
Making them understand through communication works:
I believe by experience that even younger babies understand links and connections between events.
They remember! They're learning ALL the time 😊

[MaikeruX]

Love this video! It's so important to be aware that children take time to itself! I experienced first hand the utter futility of trying to discipline my child too long after inciting incidents!

While I respectfully disagree about with your conclusion about physical punishments, I'd agree that it's far more effective to use a relevant punishment when possible.

[PEACE_LUVR]

My toddler threw the food, and I shown her video of Africa hungry kid and explained why throwing food is not only disrespectful to the god but also ethically wrong. Later my toddler started offering food to hungry kids in video…

I think conversation first, and if that don’t work, followed by immediate consequences as you explained might be a good approach…learning journey continues..