The 'Pick Me Girl' in Media | Video Essay

don't mind me titling this video the exact same way I titled my Not Like Other Girls video lol

The 'pick me' girl has been getting a lot of attention on social media, so I thought I'd explore it (both in film/TV and social media)!
Like many of the tropes I talk about, the term is a bit of a double-edged sword—let's talk about why :)

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time stamps ---
0:00 - intro + definition
1:40 - why do they exist?
2:50 - criticizing sexism
4:06 - reinforcing sexism
6:33 - outro

[Lola-bycx]

Being a 'pick me' girl isnt about what you like or do, it's whether you use it to belitle your own gender lol

[xolotte]

Thank you so much for pointing out the way pickme is often used to insult non-feminine women! It's one of my biggest pet peeves! A girl isn't a pick me if she doesn't wear makeup or if she likes sports or gaming. The issue comes when they criticize other women for male validation. And there are valid reasons to criticize, for example, make up without doing it for male validation.

[NeonInD]

The easiest way to recognize a pick me is if she shames you in front of boys or says that she doesn't have female friends cuz they are full of drama

[tipsycat]

girly girls criticise tomboy girls for not being girly enough. Tomboys criticise girly girls for being too girly. Girly girly criticise tomboys for being pick-me's, and now we're criticising girly girls for assuming unfeminine girls are pick-me's.

How about we just... leave each other alone?? lmao

[allyswan]

I think what's super interesting too, is the fact that while 'pick me' girls (who, sure, probably have valid reasons to be called that, i guess) can be annoying, pick me boys are far worse. I've been studying criminology for about 5 years now, and let me tell you, it's the pick me boys that will most likely unalive you. Stemming from the inability to handle rejection, to other issues that they really need to go the therapy for - it's super fascinating to see that women are the plight of criticism for this genre of people :/

[helenvane]

something that really bothers me about how everyone's being called a pick-me these days is the fact that you can't criticize things that are associated with traditional femininity; if you speak up about how the beauty and wellness industry is toxic and profits off of our insecurities or if you condemn certain beauty practices because it sends out the message that ethnic features are inherently ugly and need to be corrected (contouring the nose for example), you'll immediately be called a pick-me girl. disagreeing with a woman or simply disliking a woman is unacceptable, because for some reason, in an attempt to break out of the whole "women are a monolith" thing, we've circled right back into becoming a monolith.

[MusicxMoviesUniverse]

Finally! 🎉
Someone who defines the "pick me" term well.
Too tired to see lot of people resume "pick me" to girls who don't have what we call "feminine style".

[MsHelloerz]

I disagree about kendall jenner. She literally oozes “I’m not like other girls hehe I’m so quirky” when she says what she’s saying in the clip

[imanim]

People do use the term way to loosely but miss Kendall is always trying her hardest to be different like the time. It’s super weird.

[VultureClone]

I think the takeaway is: You can like whatever you want to like, but you don't have to put down other women at the same time. It's not necessary, it's just asshole behaviour, especially if you're no longer a teen.

[partiallyhealedsunburn]

Men claim to love when women are interested in more masculine things, but not if it means men will be overshadowed LMAO

[twistedpaperclip]

It’s hard as a young woman not to be misogynistic and hate stereotypical female traits when you’ve been severely bullied. Even once the bullying stops, you start to associate feminine traits with cruelty and begin to write people off at a first glance by whether they dress femininely or not. I exhibited pick me traits without the seeking male attention part for pretty much the entirety of my childhood, until I was at least 14.

[AntonMochalin]

There are many things men do to be attractive to women and no one connects it with patriarchy or anything like that. What if some women just like to be attractive to men and prioritize that goal over their relationships with other women - what does it have to do with patriarchy? To make things a bit more complex, what if they also genuinely like sports or videogames and aren't interested in makeup and consider the obsession with makeup stupid? Does this necessarily need to have anything to do with patriarchy at all?

[minaveselinovic]

As you said it amazes me how at this point we have to have a label for everything and you HAVE to fit in only one box
I personally wouldn't say that I'm girly or boyish I just like the things I like, people will call me basic for liking fashion and a pick me for not wearing makeup, basic for liking chick flicks and and a pick me for like sci-fi, super heroes and anime
just let people live

[lalalulu]

As someone who went to an all girl school (from age 9 to 17), my pick me girl phase was not about getting male's attention, it was more of trying to create an unique identity for myself 😗

[smartins]

totally agree with this whole vid, especially the part about reinforcing sexism!! i think some girls work so hard to try and unlearn all the internalised misogyny by embracing pink/makeup/skirts/etc (e.g. things that were previously demonised) that it can go too far the other way by demonising girls who are into sports/jeans/not wearing makeup etc. ultimately the biggest indicator of a 'pick me' is not a girl who is interested in traditionally masculine things but whether she believes her interest in such traditionally masculine things makes her better than other women (esp women who are interested in typically feminine things).

[pmbabe]

i love how kendall is getting her recognition as the lead representative of this archetype 😌💅

[AnABSOLUTEBarbarian]

To add to this: I find it disappointing now we have women who have made entire TikTok careers out of playing caricatures of Pick-me’s to mock them. The critique behind the Pick-me mentality is that it’s harmful to women because it relies on women making themselves superior to other women by distancing themselves from traditional femininity and by putting down their entire gender in the process for the exchange of male approval. These TikTok’s have eager comments from males viewers chiming in and how “annoying” they are and women commenters agreeing. It seems hypocritical at best and counterproductive at its worse. Ironically caricaturing the “Pick-me” in a way that may cause harm to real women that are “Pick-me’s” is like…”Pick-me” supremacy. We even have celebrity “Pick-me” witch hunts like in the K-Pop world with underage celebrities like Wonyoung and Yuna getting “called out” online for so called “Pick-me” behavior.
We need more video essays like this that discuss the issue mindfully and address what is wrong with the “Pick-me” mentality and why it’s harmful. And no more videos where the joke is to mean spiritedly mock other women. Otherwise we are just doing the very thing we claim to take issue with.

[TheFoolInLimbo]

Really enjoyed this one, I think the whole pick me girl debacle(and to an extent the pick me boy) changed and moved to separate meanings very quickly. Like how you expressed in the video about pick me girls and how women aren’t allowed to be masculine or even just enjoy traditions non feminine activities, and similarly with men and how any sensitivity or feminine traits is labeled Gay, simp like or pick me behavior. Crazy how the internet changes meanings of things for better and often for worse

[m.-]

I think for some "pick me girls" it's just an manifestation of their identity crisis and not wanting to be associated with some stereotypes about women. As a child of immigrants, my identity crisis has made me do/say stuff when it comes to people from my background that I don't agree with anymore too. I also didn't like how the victim role was pushed on me as a non-white person with regards to racism and stuff. I think that's also something young women are struggling with as well. I just hope we as women can work together to create a better world for our gender and figure out how to do it in a healthy and ethical way.