The Pick Me Paradox: when misogyny comes full circle

Thanks to June's Journey for sponsoring this video!

In this video I discuss the evolution of the phrase "pick me", which stems from African American Vernacular English and was originally intended to critique internalised misogyny. But now, it's been coopted by social media and become its own Frankenstein's monster...

Chapters:
0:00 Girls, girls, girls
4:20 🔎👒 June's Journey
6:00 The history & evolution of the pick me
9:19 The toxic trajectory of the pick me girl
19:06 The “Anti-Pick Me Girl”
25:44 That subway tiktok
37:01 The internet’s eternal misappropriation of language
41:50 Pick mes still exist, so what now?
45:54 Credits & Pet Shoutout 🐩

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[heywhat]

the pick me label has lost all meaning, now we have grown ass women making fun of teenage girls for saying they like video games and don't like makeup

[sopa]

*masculine woman* “EWWWW PICK ME XD”
*feminine woman* “EWWWW PICK ME XD”
it literally feels like we’re just making an excuse to hate on ANY type of woman

[callistourseides]

Actual rage at the girl who called asking taller people to get things from high shelves pick me behaviour. What do you want me to do? Fly?

[LunarOverdrive]

This is literally just the same thing that happened with the term "Simp." It's like people learn a new word and try to shove it into every sentence they can.

[FishareFriendsNotFood]

"Be suspicious of any trend that blames women for sexism."-Tara Mooknee 100%!!

[toribees]

I think the biggest problem with both versions of the "pick me girl" is that they both assume there is a normal version of girl. That there is this default and correct way for a woman to be and when she does not act in the correct way, she is a pick me. When in reality all women are their own individuals.

[leila]

When a full-on man called me a pick me for openly talking/joking around, i knew this term had been completely bastardized

[KoumoriKoumori]

I got called a pick me for saying that I suck at cooking and don't like to cook either. What do you want me to do? Pretend that I'm a chef with my microwaved butter pasta??

[nataliealliepage]

I'm tired of people saying that "male interests" or "masculine personality traits" are seen as something that women should avoid.

[screamthroughdreams]

Nothing made me reflect on my internalised misogyny more than having a daughter. She wanted to buy a sparkly pair of "frozen" shoes, and every fibre of my being wanted her to pick something else. I had to stop and think, when my son was the same age i bought him some lightning mcqueen shoes with no issue. It wasn't the branding that i had an issue with. I just didn't want my little girl to overtly enjoy the thing that thousands of other little girls enjoy.
All i really want is for her to be happy and love the things she loves, whatever they may be.

[EmmaAndEmmaAndEmma]

I once shared in an online forum that I was often lonely as a kid because I was a quiet, nerdy bookworm who didn’t share many of the same interests with my peers. Some of the other commenters immediately called me toxic and a “not-like-other-girls girl.” I was like “Ma’am I was seven.”

[lenar]

Kinda annoying that a term used to point out sexist women is now used to be sexist to women again

[FatBratz-yhzu]

the straightness of it all isn't lost on me. the concept both ways is that, regardless of the behavior/interests, women's behavior is assumed to be to attract men. Women can't even have personalities without it being assumed for men.

[finnotheminno]

This is unrelated but I’m a short guy (5’4) and people looovvvve trying to make me feel bad about it and just bring it up Constantly. So instead of hating myself, I embrace it now. I’ll call myself a “little guy” “short dude” “small man” and it weirdly makes people so uncomfortable. Even my little brother that’s taller me (my little big brother) says it makes him feel uncomfortable because I’m not supposed to like being a short small dude. I think people just hate people being okay with themselves for something they “shouldn’t” be and it’s just turned up to when it comes to women just being themselves because of misogyny

[elhammo]

I got called a "pick-me" after saying that I don't believe in astrology but am very into astronomy. The woman went on to argue that I could only have an interest in science to impress men. I was literally working on a book about planetary habitability.

[kateruckus]

I'm a gay woman who has been called a "pick me" because I'm super into guitar gear, but when I try to talk to my girlfriend about guitar pedals she has no interest. Be yourself and like whatever you like.... And don't make your girlfriends listen to boring YouTube videos about guitars.

[emery]

I think just letting girls and women exist without assuming there is an underlying thing going on is the solution

[victoriafraga]

I remember in high school, as a girl, I would sometimes talk to my friends about some video games I liked at the moment, because I like talking about my current obsessions. I thought it was okay with my friends until one day one of my friends said "omgg I'm not like other girls I like video games and animes". She was mocking me and calling me a pick me and that shut me up so fast I didn't know how to respond to that. And that's what I've been thinking. It's actually so misogynistic to assume that me talking about my obsessions is just because I want to be different/want male validation. I enjoyed dressing up, doing my hair, putting gloss on, shopping, getting lil drinkies. Like she knew that about me, but still called me a pick me just because I was infodumping on games, that's bullshit.
I'm proud to be a woman but I wish I was perceived as a person instead. Liking "feminine" things is shamed, liking "masculine" things is shamed. Omg I just want to exist

[bianca_boop]

One thing I don't think you mentioned (unless I dissociated during that bit 😭) is that the discourse around pick-mes is very heterosexual-centric. Not that lesbians can't have internalized misogyny or try to ingratiate themselves to men for non-romantic/sexual reasons, but the assumption is always that the presumed pickme behavior is for the purpose of attracting a man as a mate.

[hannahbielicki]

Same with "Karen" spiraling into just shaming any woman above 35.