What men DON'T UNDERSTAND about FEMALE SELECTION: what being high-value does and does not get you

Buy my book, "The Value of Others"

Awareness of some of the realities of female mating and dating behavior -- including hypergamy -- is at an all-time high. However, many men still entertain misconceptions about this information. In today's episode, I will address two of the most prevalent: the belief that hypergamy directly benefits women, and the belief that being high-value creates effortless sexual opportunity. These two misconceptions roughly accord with the two general male responses to hypergamy: despair and desire.

Social Media

Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:

Book a paid consultation:

Sponsor an episode:

Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #relationship #men

[psychacks]

Awareness of some of the realities of female mating and dating behavior -- including hypergamy -- is at an all-time high. However, many men still entertain misconceptions about this information. In today's episode, I will address two of the most prevalent: the belief that hypergamy directly benefits women, and the belief that being high-value creates effortless sexual opportunity. These two misconceptions roughly accord with the two general male responses to hypergamy: despair and desire.

Social Media



Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:

Book a paid consultation:

Sponsor an episode:

Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com

Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #relationship #men

[terrodar]

And men need to realize that walking away from someone who hasn’t selected you is the absolute BEST you can do for yourself.

[jcnlaw]

Experienced divorce attorney here. If you are a young guy, focus like a laser on becoming the very best version of yourself. Do the things that bring you joy. Don’t pursue women. Attract them. Depending on your jurisdiction, do NOT get married without a valid prenup. Stay safe out there!

[CrypticZeus]

If you chase only butterflies, they will fly away but if you put effort in making a beautiful garden, the butterflies will come flying by themselves, and even if they don't come, you'll still have a beautiful garden.

[MassiveLib]

As a 58 year old man I can't begin to tell you how much of relief it is not to have to care what women think.

[christopherburns]

This was me! Got a graduate degree, six pack and six figures by 25, but still couldn't land a woman. Finally found someone who seemed to appreciate how awesome I was, but it turns out she was a narcissist. I didn't know what that meant back then. Now I'm divorced and broke and starting over at 40. Let me be your cautionary tale young men, watch this channel and learn to vet women before you let them come stay on your island

[espada]

NEEDING someone makes you weak and dependent, KNOWING yourself and making yourself your priority and living a life that is respectful of you and your purpose and goals makes you high value.

[DarkSyster]

My observation is that most men are clueless. My parents met on a blind date while both were away at uni. My mother had to ask her friend to ask her boyfriend to encourage my dad to ask my mom on a second date. After 9 months of dating, my mother said to my dad "If this isn't heading towards marriage, I'll need to start dating other men". He asked her then and there. My father admitted he never once thought my mother would ever consider marrying him as she came from a well to do family and he came from a poor one. But my mom always said he was a better man than any she knew from her hometown.
But even my grandmother had to push. She met my grandfather at a party. He was shy. She told him "You should ask me to dance, " so he did. After she said "Are you not going to ask me out on a date?" Grandfather did so. After a number of months she asked "When are you planning to ask me to marry you?" He died before I was born so I don't know what he thought but he was a very handsome man, very intelligent, but from a poor family.
Moral of the story. Men, don't underestimate yourself. Women probably grade you better than you think they do. And women, if you find a man you want, forget the subtle hints and hit him with a clue-by-four. It's the only way men know what women actually want.

[jameslebeau]

The more I learn about dating, the more impossible it seems.

[davidowens]

My 2 cents. Don't try to dive too deep into the pool of women's thoughts. Be whoever you are and be ok with her leaving. Don't spend too much time, money, or energy trying to get or keep a woman.

[markdsimpson]

You make outstanding points. Thank you. Men need to become indifferent to women. A woman who gets 5 looks an hour is confident and satisfied. Men need to understand that giving a look/attention has no reward. Women desire attention from specific men in their presence. It's a subtle reward game that men don't understand. The reward for her is your attention and nothing else. That says to her "I can have any man." That's all she cares about. Flirting for women is to get attention. If she has to be obvious about flirting the value of the attention is less. Rejecting a man's attention in a public place elevates her value/status even if she would like to engage in conversation with that man.

Men will not be happy with a woman that plays this game. They are in a loop and endorphins are enough. Better for men to not only become a protector/provider but to find a valuable woman. Women playing this game are not valuable. Valuable women do valuable things. Being what used to be called a slut for attention is not valuable.

[donjoel]

Hi Dr. Orion. My name is Don. Thank you so much for the bitter pill to swallow, it was necessary and very encouraging. I'm on a path to learning how to be better with women and to be more confident in the process. Thanks for the video and I hope you have an amazing day.

[JJ-wiuw]

"Women don't care about your struggles. They wait at the finish line and pick the winners." - Bill Burr

[EdwinBetancourtJr]

From my experience there are two types of Hypergamy.

Looks Hypergamy
Financial Hypergamy.

Obviously a Woman would prefer a Man who has both Looks and Finances.

If you fit her financial Hypergamy but she doesn’t find you se*ually attractive, she will step out on you from time to time with someone who does, usually an ex boyfriend.

If you fit her looks Hypergamy but she doesn’t feel you could provide for a family or lifestyle, she will still give you se*ual access to her but she will not commit to you and she will look for someone who can take care of her financially. She will always keep contact with you if you stay looking good and will reach out from time to time to enjoy a good romp, but she won’t commit to you!

[terrenceburruss]

This was a phenomenal video. Very thorough and pragmatic breakdown with real life examples. Keep doing what you’re doing, how you’re doing it. Great watch 👍🏾

[jonnyaesthetic]

I'm thankful for you bro, you have no idea how much we needed to hear this.

[lokai]

I'm 63 and chose to never marry. I'm well educated, over 6 feet tall, earned over six figues for decades and owned my own company. I can speak to anyone, anywhere at any time.
However, I spent 10-12 hours per day making deals, playing politics and resolving issues.
I was NOT willing to play the sort of games most women insist upon. It was not worth my time.
I did meet and date some fascinating women. I never married because living up to their expectations was exhausting.
I wanted someone I could build with, not for. I am NOT a human-shaped ATM and refused to play that part.
I've now retired and live alone on my boat.. now there's a happy ending for you.

[n-tertainmentx-tended]

Like Aaron Clarey keeps saying: "Most woman generally don't like most men."
So if you're working from that supposition, everything that's been happening in the last twenty years starts to make sense.

[JackMicklemyer]

I really appreciate your work, you break everything down to a science. When I can’t explain to other people my issues with dating you are the perfect mediator . THANK YOU

[subhajitbanerjee]

My man speaks FACTS!! Blessed to come across this channel... Huge LOVE & RESPECT from India. ❤️🇮🇳❤️