Men Don't Understand This About Women

[anthonylaflamme]

One of the best compliments a man can get from a woman is “I feel safe when I’m next to you.”

[camiCYeshua]

I was raped as a child, and my husband (who I met in highschool) was the first person I felt safe with besides my dad. When I told him all of that he teared up and held me for over an hour. He said he never thought his whole world would fit in his arms. I've never forgotten that day. We've been together over seven years now and married almost four.

[shubhasv]

Fathers with daughters understand this. My dad gave up so much free time so that he could drive me back and forth to- school, extracurriculars, etc.

[JaneDoe-qjpp]

A male friend of mine had this epiphany. He didnt realize that as a woman, you will not beat a man if he has ill intentions. Being physically weaker as a default and living that way blew his mind.

[iemei]

You're right. As a man, I had no idea about this phenomenon. I did recognize how so many women seemed insecure, but I didn't realize it was actually an almost constant state of fear.

[ShidachiOm]

I actually had a man lift me up, throw me over his shoulder, and start walking out of the bar. I had one follow me out of a club to my car begging me to come home with him and when I got in the car and locked the door he put his fist through the passenger window and I had shattered glass in my lap as I peeled out of the parking lot. I stopped going out alone after that. The following week I was at a stop light and the gentleman next to me looked over, and when the light turned green, he switched lanes and followed me to my house. Thank God I had off-street parking and was in an apartment complex but when I ran into my apartment I was afraid to turn my light on. He stayed idling in the street in front of my building for half an hour waiting to figure out which apartment was mine. What am I gonna do about that? Stop driving?
For years, when I was single, I slept with a knife under my pillow. When I was a single home owner, my now husband (then boyfriend) could not understand why I would not sleep with the windows open. I cannot stress enough the level of fear women face out in the world.

[mo-]

I was out with colleagues after work one night and stepped out to the empty patio to talk to my long distance boyfriend. I see the chef walk out, and at this point I was just hanging up. I politely smiled at him and tried to get past him to go back inside, but as I was walking next to him, he pushed me into one of the chairs next to the wall, grabbed both of my legs and dragged them towards his hips. I was in so much fear, this was a guy I had worked with for years, there was always a level of respect. I don’t know where I gathered extraordinary strength to push him always from me and run back inside. The toughest part was when I told other people what had just happened, some didn’t believe me, some even asked what I had done to provoke him. I had to go back to work the next day and see this guy and for years after I would not speak to him unless it was work related. I have other stories of men following my mom and I when I was a teen. I developed earlier than most and at the time, I lived in a third world country.

[MarizzaGonzalez-spvr]

I am a fully grown woman, 4'11 and 90lbs. Recently I was invited to hang out with a guy id been talking to for awhile but never met in real life. He showed up with another man. I immediately told him no thank you, and left. He texted me angry saying i wasted his time. I told him i wont waste any more, im more worried about my life than your time.

[Shabutie]

I’ve noticed when I’m out in public women reacting fearfully aware to just my presence as a man. I’m a bigger guy, with a beard, but I wouldn’t say I look intimidating. I used to get offended by it, because I would never do anything to hurt them, but I understand how vulnerable they feel.

[mtrxd]

I got a protection dog in my 40s.... and it wasn't until I no longer had to be constantly aware and vigilant that I realized how much constant fear I was always in. Now I walk my neighborhood at night, leave my door unlocked, and don't have to check every room in the house as soon as I come home. My girl watches over me 24/7. And she's taught me to be fierce. I'll never live without a protection dog again.

[undead]

That's why when my woman said to me "you make me feel safe" it hit so hard.

[LilyPLil]

I was taught by my dad to be vigilant in literally every situation. Lock your doors when you drive. Park under a light. Lock your car when you pump gas. Look in your back seat before you drive off. Make sure nobody is following you in a store, be choosy about where you sit in a room so you can see everything and know where exits are, and more. Be aware of your surroundings always. This might sound terribly paraniod but I've needed just about every bit of safety advice he ever gave me. I 've been approached by guys everywhere...at the bank, the grocery store, in restaurants, in parking lots, at work, at the gas pump, at the doctor's office, the pharmacy, everywhere. I had one guy ask me out even though he knew I was married and I was eight months pregnant at the time. It's a dicey situation when a guy wants to chat you up but you aren't interested, you feel like prey and wonder what he will do when you turn him down. I've had guys call me a b*tch because I said I was married. It's just how women live, like some kind of fruit for the picking.

[justshar]

FACTS! I’m not in constant fear, but have been through enough to be constantly aware of ceaseless potential threats around me.

[dianep]

I can vividly recall walking with a toddler (I babysat while in UNI) in the stroller of a residential area, it was broad daylight, and I got the heavy feeling that someone was following me. I recall looking behind me searching for the reason for the feeling, and noticed a man sort of hidden behind a tree. He tried to hide behind a tree as he stared directly at me. My intuition immediately told me that he was the reason I should remain on alert (surprisingly the street was empty at that time). I kept walking but this time at a rigid pace as I attempted to get the toddler to safety. Baby’s home was not far away but I did not want to lead the ‘follower’ there. I took different streets to deter him but he kept following my aimless walk. My last resort was to turn around and stare him down to let him know that I SAW him and that I SEE him; it felt like I stared him down for so long and then he silently turned around and left. When I returned to the baby’s home, my entire body started to shake and a heat sensation took over my body. The child’s parent signed me up for defense class shortly after but I remained in a state of feeling unsafe for a few months before I worked the courage to face the fear he had instilled in me that midafter.

[DaniS]

I told a guy that I wasn't comfortable hanging out alone with guys, so he concocted this ruse where he said his friends would come over (another girl and a guy) but in reality he lied to get me to his house alone so he could ask me out (even though I'd already said I wasn't interested in dating anyone at the time). When he finally confessed after the movie we'd watched about how it was never a group activity but he'd planned for us to be alone the whole time, I was terrified. He was supposed to be my friend and all I could think about was "how do I get out of this alive and without being SA. I wanted to run to the door but I thought if I did it would trigger some kind of aggressive response from him. I ended up lying and saying I would think about dating him, because I thought that was the only way I would get out of his home safely.

[lindiwengwevela]

And part of the frustration is that when we tell men about this, we're met with ridicule and dismissal. When we tell men that the fear is real, they still think it's not valid.

[Robnoxious]

the average man can easily overpower the average woman. In fact, an average man can physically overpower most women. What this means, is that the average man really only fears men who are more capable than them. The extension of this, is that the average woman knows she can be physically overpowered by about 75% of the population and the average man knows he can be overpowered by about 25% of the population. A strong man know he only has to worry about 5% of the population, but a strong woman knows she can be overpowered by at least half the population.

[kealani]

It's not just fear of predators. It's fear of unstable income, aging out of employability, more health issues to fear, etc.

[heatherconway]

As a woman I don't necessarily feel fear, but i was raised to always be vigilant. I was also raised to walk tall and confident while being aware of my surroundings. I wouldn't call it fear... Just vigilant.
That's not to dismiss the few times i have found myself in bad situations but i was lucky enough to get myself out of those situations quickly, usually with the assistance of good men.
For example, walking in a bad part of town... Which i had done many times as that's where i lived at the time, a dude was following me after a very uncomfortable verbal interaction. I saw another dude walking my direction on the side walk. I started walking faster towards him and gave him a high pitch (familiar) "hey how you been" and held my hand in front of me so bad dude didn't see, and pointed at him. Good guy picked right up on it and held out his arms saying loudly "aye girl been looking for you". Weird dude did an about face.
I would recommend all women take self defense classes. Cause it is a thing. We are a target for bad people. But that confidence built by knowing you are more in control of your situation actually makes you less of a target

[beargrizzles]

It blows my mind when my dad, my brothers, sometimes even my husband, dont understand when i tell them i dont want to leave the house at night. Especially with my child. So many things can go wrong in a split second. Or when i dont want to go to the nearest large city alone with my child. By myself, i tolerate it because im an adult who has things to do, but i avoid going alone with my child as best as i can.