5 Emotional Development Delays: What You Need to Know

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Chapters:
0:00 Intro
3:02 Codependency & Romantic Intimacy Delays
7:18 Security Delays
11:33 Perception Problems Delays
17:11 Functioning Delays
23:39 Negative Coping Strategies Delay
28:01 Final Thoughts
30:24 Outro

[theycallmemmy]

“Toxic families love to point out your functioning delays while not understanding that they caused them.” 🎯🎯🎯

[putthekettleonwillya]

It took me a decade to finally realise just how much impact bad parenting had on me. Not teaching your child anything, then expecting them to know everything, then shaming them and insulting them for when they don't know what they simply don't know is so traumatizing and leads to so many toxic cycles throughout your life that you feel like you've gone completely insane. A child can't just be thrown into the world and be expected to excel in relationships, communication, career, school, friendships if there is zero education on it. I still live with extreme guilt for making horrible mistakes because I simply was not taught about life or how anything works. But I'll get there.

[CorePathway]

“A toxic parent expects adult behavior from a child”. My father still says “we treated you children like adults”, like a badge of honor. Zero awareness.

[Ty-mugl]

My mom deems it a fun little story how, when I was a child, she'd ground me and send me to my room (after the spanking and the yelling) and then forget about me since I wouldn't cry or throw fits. She says after maybe four or five hours she'd remember she'd sent me off and then open the door to find me either napping or playing with my toys or whatever. She views this as little me “not giving a fuck”. The irony of it all.

Now, whenever I'm in a situation of conflict or tension I find myself emotionally shutting down automatically. I've often been called cold, heartless, and oblivious

[Shortstacksandticktacks]

Growing up is a process. Having developmental delays because of abusive parenting is not a moral failing.

[margaretlinn]

My mother prided in her parenting skills in claiming that she was able to “break” her kids- like a horse. When we emerged from punishment after being spanked, sent to room, with her frightening yelling - we would emerge with sweet tearful apologies. She felt like she refined our behavior. I feel a freeze response quite often in the face of people’s anger and an overwhelming need to “make it right.”

[yemio]

My mum would regularly leave me at home alone at a young age. I used tv to self soothe. I realised years later as an adult I was addicted to watching tv shows and using it self soothe when I felt stressed and was procrastinating. I also really struggled while trying to study for my Masters, I felt so lonely in my room trying to study I would shut down. I would literally be exhausted even though I hadn’t done anything. I definitely felt behind in life in certain ways

[professormeow]

I always thought it was strange how I was so independent, mature and 'grown up' as a child, to the point of parenting my siblings - but as I grew up I seem to have got stuck and now feel so much more behind and less mature than my peers. As I have grown up, my siblings I looked after as children have all become independent adults and here I am, struggling to grow up myself and feeling left behind.

[liveliife]

My friends used to say I behaved like a teen, co workers would say I’m like a grandpa one day but a kid the next, my mom without teaching me anything in life would mock me for not knowing how to do everyday life things, those comment really hurt me so having this video really helps bring the shame down. Thank you Patrick!

[kaleyjoplinRAWRR]

my parents would often brag about how they didn't have to teach me anything and that I learned everything myself. This never really clicked for me until I started therapy. It's messed up. I started asking some of my friends if they had this happen and they were absolutely taught by their parents. No wonder I feel so behind my peers.

[sophiebailey]

For anyone here who's been affected by these issues, I'm rooting for you and hope you all find peace, recovery, and happiness.

[diamondgirl]

"Sit in the loneliness " Alone, after school and on the weekends just sitting in the loneliness 😢

[bpassionfashion]

I was a severely neglected child in ALL areas of life ! I have done a lot of work to grow myself up, but have never worked on the money department. I get so emotional ( angry, sad, shamed, frustrated) for not having a roadmap for simple things such as how to go about looking for job, interviewing, resume writing. I always end up crying . It feels unsafe and as if I am missing tools that other people do have. I wish someone else could hold my hand and teach me step by step how to go about these things .

[lkensok]

I'm sorry, I'm still just blown away by the fact that I'm not the only person who still has to use their hands to determine right from left. I never would have thought of it as a developmental delay. I just thought I had terrible spatial skills. My mouth dropped open and my husband thought something was wrong. I really felt seen in this video.

[christinelitvak]

I did some vandalism when I was eleven. I think my motivation was anger and frustration. My teachers told my mother she should take me to a therapist to find out more about my issues. My mother told them, "No, I could never do that to her." She probably told herself she wanted to protect me from the trauma of having my psyche exposed. It was common in the 1960's that seeing a mental health professional was considered shameful. If people found out they said you were "crazy, " behind your back.
She informed me of this conversation she had with my teachers when I was twenty-two years old, and up to then I had been clueless. I was stunned. I said nothing to her but I mentally ranted: "If I had gone to counseling WHEN it was suggested, YOUR secrets would have become exposed. THAT is why you denied me the help I needed back then. Instead, I struggled all through my teen years thinking that something was wrong with ME!" I finally went to counseling in my mid-twenties.

[joanfolds]

THIS IS AN EXCELLENT VIDEO!

1. Codependency & Romantic Intimacy Delays - magical thinking, special bond or fantasy of partner, struggling with going too fast in dating life (no process), not liking to mix partners with friends (fear of losing partner), not caring if our partners are abusive for fear of being wrong, level of need from our partners that goes beyond appropriate partnership stuff, taking normative bumps in the relationship as extreme evidence that we're not safe.
2. Security Delays - young children need a consistent safe attunement with a healthy parent to build inner resources for security (e.g., gradual withdrawal of security blankets or sucking your thumb, resistant to change, procrastination, social anxiety, controlling behaviors, trigger & projection, not being comfortable being seen or known, etc.).
3. Perception Problems Delays - problems of perception i.e., how we interpret people, the world and ourselves. Often the abuse itself is the parent damaging a child's perception. Are things done to us on purpose? We fight in our heads and may be offended by another hurting us. We tend to take things too personally. Toxic parents expect adult behavior from their child.
4. Functioning Delays - The evidence of parental neglect from childhood. We may hide that we struggle with basic learning skills due to a lack of consistent care from a parent. Magical thinking around functioning - may not be able to identify our limits (e.g., appetite, sleep, work, etc.) stretching ourselves too thin. Combination of neglect or being wrapped up in fear. Self-care may be neglected. We can't learn things if we're overwhelmed with shame.
5. Negative Coping Strategies Delay - Addictive behavior - Developmentally stuck in needing to be soothed from behaviors instead of having internal resources to manage them. Eating is always a good way to distract children from their emotions (unconsciously). Perfectionism is also a coping strategy. Workaholics, substance abuse, feel nothing we do is ever good enough. We become attached to processes. If children are encouraged to talk about their feelings, they reconnect with their parent and are able to manage their feelings.

I also had a problem with reading comprehension in grade school. I had no idea that it was the result of having an emotionally neglectful "BPD" mother. I am an auditory learner. My father taught me how to write a check. But, my mother wasn't interested in teaching me anything. She wanted me to need her for everything. I am 67 and I'm still doing inner child work. The healing process may take a lifetime.

[YackeyTownPride]

The high pressure/no support job is a great metaphor for growing up with neglectful caregivers. Minimal teaching/coaching/support and high expectations. So many possible outcomes. I learned to be self-sufficient but often feel like no one likes me or that I am easily replaceable in interpersonal relationships. I like to hear praise but cannot internalize it. I fear asking for help because there are repercussions for being “inadequate”. I often feel alone and like I need to solve everything by myself.

[CrankieAntie]

This. This all describes my sister. She's deaf and cognitively and emotionally a child, at 52. She's had so much trauma lifelong, and our family failed her. Society fails her. There are no resources to help her understand trauma or anything, let alone learn how to deal with it all.

[moscowcowboy_]

I remember graduating from High School and College and feeling so disconnected from reality, my family, school, work and life.